Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Old fat expat]

I arrived here in 2002, fully qualified as a Behavior Analyst, but wanted to work in an area that allowed me to work with ��normal people�� and language seemed a good fit.

Through watching and observing Koreans and their behaviors over 3-4 years, and reading the comments on this board—I offer a few of my insights. Please note: As a believer in determinism I also think given the same environment everyone of us would be acting the same way—in fact I see some of the same behaviors in my home country. I am not saying western ways are superior (in fact I think westerners are inclind toward antisocial and anxious disorders-not the subject of this post)
Koreans are impatient:
Yep. Watching the way that children are indulged and not taught any rule governed behavior (that is—children are allowed to do whatever they want) results in impatient behavior in adulthood. This impatience is seen in almost every aspect of Korean behavior. The self indulgent ��I want it now�� westerners label as brattyness is a failure to learn about rules (rule governed and proximate contingencies) as a youngster. Parents quickly give into the child��s demands because Confucian ethics dictate children should be indulged. This only results in children that are demanding, grabby, impatient, selfish, and who have learnt to keep whining as they will eventually get what they want. Until parenting changes occur (a change in environment and contingencies), adult Koreans will always be selfish because it is a behavior learnt and reinforced from an early age. This may become mediated by ��ultimate social contingencies�� but there will still be the underlying ��I am used to getting my way�� attitude.
Compounding this is the idea that boys, especially first born, are more important and need to become accustomed to being in charge, therefore need to be obeyed to encourage confidence (sic). The result is arrogant adult males who don��t like to be told what to do, or be proven wrong. They were trained to be the center of the universe as a child, and these behaviors endure into their adult lives. This results in adults who think that rules don��t apply to them as they have no history when rules ever have. It also accounts for grown males having temper tantrums—they are so used to a rich schedule of reinforcement extinction behaviors surface quickly.
Koreans are like Jeckle and Hyde:
Specifically they exhibit behaviors common to Borderline Personality disorder. Borderline behaviors occur when a child finds themselves in a family where they sense they are not wanted. Probably a common insight for a female here, but may also occur with males who can��t obtain the grades mum and dad want—leaving them to accept themselves as a disappointment to the family. Borderlines have difficulty maintaining long-term relationships and are always able to justify some grievance perpetrated on them by someone else. Borderlines are extremely passionate at the beginning of a relationship, but rarely manage to sustain a friendship over time. Those with this disorder see things in extremes-black or white. They can be exceptionally friendly, but the slightest perceived insult makes you an enemy. They may one day lavish gifts on you (an attempt to ��buy�� your love), and the next day treat you as if you were found on the bottom of their shoe. They are full of self doubt as deep down they do not see themselves as being worthy of love (remember they come from a family where their value as a person is in doubt) and try hard to please at first, but quickly come to resent you for not liking them enough (you never can). These people are either never satisfied with themselves, or never satisfied with you. As a society Koreans have placed less value on girls, but Borderline will also occur in boys if the father is absent from their life (as is often the case here). You can imagine how the above is compounded when the mother is Borderline, leaving the child in an environment where their only caregiver is sometimes loving and indulgent but also demanding and never able to be satisfied. Borderlines also resent authority (because they hate their parents [the original authority] for abandoning them) and don��t like being told what to do by anyone. Koreans further resent authority as in the past the ruling elite and scholar class have abandoned the proletariat to be used as slaves and prostitutes by any number of conquering armies.
Koreans are so competitive:
This one is easy. So many people, so few resources. But adding the above pathology (Borderline) as soon as they see you as a competitor, you have crossed the line of best friend and are treated as an enemy (competitor = enemy). Add the knowledge that those who are part of the ruling elite or scholar class will be safe even in the worst of times, getting into one of those classes in the past may have been the difference between survival or death. It is a rat race here-for short term and long term survival. I find it ironic we in the West look to the East for spiritual enlightenment. HA HA HA.

Combine a lack of rule governed behavior, the rat race and the one-upmanship that brings, and a sense of having been abandoned by anyone in authority and boy, living here is a roller coaster ride. As a number of Koreans have commented to me—Korea is an exciting hell.
The above does not apply to ALL Koreans, but it helps me account for much of what I see about me.
Hmm, so much for working with ��normal�� people.

[VanIslander]

First of all, kuddos to you, Old fat expat, for raising the level of discussion around here. All levels are nice.

Secondly, I am very interested in the analysis of Koreans according to the psychological definition of Borderline Personality Disorder. A good friend of mine from college went on to get his PhD in clinical psychology and he too has suggested related behavioural schemes may be in play culturally.

[Pangit]

Observations. Fair enough.

[Old fat expat]

[SPINOZA]

[RACETRAITOR]

I like this--a combination of eugenics and psychology. Good work.

[Old fat expat]

Pangit wrote:

[billybrobby]

[Ilsanman]

They're impatient when they have a specific purpose in mind, but not when they don't. Actually, when they're being lax, they are lax to the point of hampering others.

I am an impatient person myself. I can't stand a subway that stops on the tracks, a traffic jam, the stupid girls who hold hands and block everything, construction and parking on sidewalks, etc.

[Pangit]

[uberscheisse]

while i could agree partially with some of the OP it ended up sounding like this to me -

"gosh, flaming eagle, these white men are a little bit nuts!"

"yes, pounding bear, i just don't get why they do the things they do."

[bestyoucanget]

i totally agree, korean men are super immature, id like to see them portray the same arrogance in another country, might end up with some severe slaps haha?................

[bobbyhanlon]

if you're going to get all intellectual on us, learn to spell the big impressive words you use.

[Prince Frog]

[teachmeenglish]

Thanks to OFE for insights. This level of discourse is wonderful and what I often hope to see, even if I disagree with parts of it. And thanks VIslander for critical replies.