Korean Job Discussion Forums

GentleSusan · Joined: 25 Nov 2005

Hi all:

Going through a very sad time here in Canada with my Korean wife of four years. We've decided to split, amicably, mostly because we've grown apart though I'm certain some cultural expectations factor in as well.

At any rate, I'm mostly worried about how this is going to affect her. She plans to stay in Vancouver (where there is a huge and booming Korean population) but I just really worry that she'll be looked down upon in Korean society. I feel incredibly protective of this woman (which may be one of the problems in the first place - warning to all who plan to do it, integrating your Korean spouse into Western society is not that easy) and will do anything to guarantee her a soft landing pad.

Lest anyone wishes to attack me for abandoning her - this is her call. Not mine.

At any rate, this is a confusing and upsetting time and I'm basically looking for people to connect with who may have been through a similar experience.

Thanks.

kangnam mafioso · Joined: 27 Jan 2003 Location: Teheranno

Good luck with your situation.

As I'm sure you know, Korean society generally looks down on interacial relationships ... it doesn't matter if the people involved are married or just dating. It's difficult for divorced females in Korea to remarry ... I would suspect it's even more difficult for divorced females of western spouses. It shouldn't be a big problem though ... I'm sure they won't treat her like a leper or exile her to Japan or anything. Family support should also help. Besides, it sounds like she is pretty westernized if she wants to stay in Vancouver. It depends on her ... she may want to integrate into Canadian society or insulate herself in the large Asian population in Vancouver.

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

Too bad about the breakup.

Divorce rates are quite high in Korea now, unlike in the recent past. It's my guess young people are increasingly used to the idea of people they know getting divorced. While I'm sure some people will hold divorce against her, I'd think others will not think much about it.

roybetis1 · Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:58 pm Post subject:

I know its not quite the same, but I divorced a Japanese lady after ten years and believe me, I sympathize with you. She tells people I died in a car accident (I'm sure she wishes Laughing

)

Wrench · Joined: 07 Apr 2005

bellum99 · Joined: 23 Jan 2003 Location: don't need to know

If she has been in Canada for only four years..then she must not be a citizen yet. I think it takes 5 years (i may be wrong). Aren't you legally still responsible for her? Hmmm...this could be a troublesome issue.

GentleSusan · Joined: 25 Nov 2005

I am legally responsible for another two years. Yes. This isn't such a huge problem - all it means is that she's not eligible for EI or welfare. She has a job, not terribly lucrative, and I'll be helping her out financially. She would never exploit or hurt me in this way.

Part of the reason our marriage has fallen apart is because I think I see her as a doll, a little child, in need of protection. I can tell you it's been an awful strain and worry on me having had her here in Canada with me the last four years. I haven't had a chance to do the things I used to do before we met. We never socialize together - my friends are all the neurotic artist types, big on substance abuse, and hers like to drive around in nice cars, go see movies and acquire things. There is a six year age difference (I'm 34, she's 2 Cool

but I'm wondering if any other western husbands with Korean wives struggle as I have in how they view and relate to their wives.

I guess I also want to warn others who plan on returning to the west with their wives or husbands. Unless you're a fairly conservative person by western standards (I am not) you could be in for a world of pain.

Thanks for hearing me out all.

GentleSusan · Joined: 25 Nov 2005

I have no idea how that deranged smiley thing got into my post. She's 28.

shakuhachi · Joined: 08 Feb 2003 Location: Sydney

How about losing your 'neurotic, substance abusing' friends? I mean, taking an E from time to time is OK, but I assume that is not what you are talking about.

As for your wife, I dont see what the problem is. If she is the one that wants to break it off, I am sure it wont take you long to start thinking she is a b**ch when she starts dating other guys (if this isnt already the case).

bellum99 · Joined: 23 Jan 2003 Location: don't need to know

It sounds stupid to me. She was just using you to get out of Korea. Trust me..the little doll act thing wears out fast. I think she screwed you and you better watch out for the next two years (you are legally responsible for her). This means credit card bills and any debt she has in Canada can be your debt. Once she starts dating, how long before the boyfriend learns about this and uses it?
Wake up and look around you. You're being WAY WAY to kind about this. Plus the fact that you seem younger than your years. Friends are expendable...they come and go like the wind. They mean nothing in the long term, but a wife can be a partner for years. Ditch the losers and grow up. The wife is an adult and trust me..she can easily find a new man to milk for money.

In the know · Joined: 12 Oct 2004

periwinkle · Joined: 08 Feb 2003

My husband is over-protective of me, and I love it. It's a sign he cares about my welfare. If you are being controlling, though, I could see it as being a problem. My friend divorced her husband because he demanded that she call him every time she left the house- needed to ask permission, as well. I hope you guys can work it out. Best of luck to you!

itaewonguy · Joined: 25 Mar 2003

best you can do is help her out if you can and if she wants you too..
she wants to jump ito the korean society there dont worry she will not tell every tom dick and harry she is divorced. she will say she is single..
best you can do is be friends.. I hope she is not the sort of person who doesnt want to even know you or let alone talk to you again some people after break ups are like this..

if there is no way gettting back together is an option.. then help her fit into a new place, or just be a friend! if you cant be lovers! then at least try and be good friends!

rapier · Joined: 16 Feb 2003

SuperFly · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Location: In the doghouse

Eight long years now. Maybe some poor fool with $$ will take her and rescue me from the pits of despair!

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

Edit: Honey if you see this, I'm really only kidding, I love you yobo!!! Razz