Korean Job Discussion Forums

[dulcineadeltoboso]

I'm Korean-American and my boyfriend is white (also American). We'll be staying with his family over Christmas vacation, and I have the fun task of meeting his racist family. Allow me to elaborate.

When my bf first went to Korea, his dad advised him to find a nice little Asian girl to marry because they are submissive, cute, and make dutiful wives. His mother thinks that when Asians refer to themselves as "Asian" instead of "oriental," they're being uppity, and argues with her Korean co-workers about it. My bf describes his grandmother as "the most offensive woman in the world." Also, when she is in earshot, no one in the family is allowed to speak of the fact that my bf's ethnicity contains some middle eastern blood.

My bf knows they're wrong, but he is very close to his family and will not hear of staying away for Christmas. He also said they're old and set in their ways, so speaking to them about it will be to no avail. I've already bought the tickets, so not going is not an option for this and other reasons.

I guess the more common situation is the K-girl taking her white bf to meet her racist Korean parents, but for some reason, it's only partly the same. The racist Korean parents usually come out looking like ignorant buffoons (and rightly so), and the white guy usually feels more frustrated and offended than hurt and degraded. I'm not sure why this is usually the case, since the parents in both situations are committing the exact same wrong, but that's another topic.

I suspect that my bf's family views Asians the way racist Koreans view black ppl. When Koreans are racist against white ppl, it's usually a combo of hatred, envy, fear, and resentment of whites. When Koreans are racist against black ppl, it's usually a combo of a sense of superiority over the black ppl and the idea that blacks don't deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

But whatever my bf's family's reasons, I still have to meet them, stay in their house and see them every day during the trip.

So...

Have you had the pleasure of seeing your family dressed in their finest white sheets and pointy white hats when welcoming your K-girl or boy to their happy home? How did you handle it?

[Ya-ta Boy]

I've never been in the situation and do not envy you your ordeal.

It's too bad the two of you didn't organize a shorter first meeting. Say, two hours, tops. But since you didn't...

And your b/f is close to his family and I'm guessing you don't want to cut the ties to your family either...

The only possible solutions are:

a) Be confrontational and as rude as you can be in response to their ignorance...and then kiss the b/f good-bye when its all over, or

b) Be prepared to be the classiest, most together young lady (in the best sense of that word) during the whole time you are there. The words of the day are: poised, courteous and forgiving. And erase the words 'white trash' from your vocabulary.

[mithridates]

I've noticed that when the opposite happens for me (meeting Koreans who wouldn't approve of their daughter seeing a white guy for example) I'm able to make myself into the only exception in their minds. It's not likely that you'll be able to change their minds on race, but if you do things well you'll get them to think "Man, I really don't like Asians. dulcineadeltoboso is different though, she's cool. It's almost like she's white." (that would be a compliment in their eyes) That's usually about the best you can hope for.

[joe_doufu]

Find a motel near their house. At least, find the phone number of one, and keep it in your pocket in case you need to flee. It probably won't be as bad as he says... he might just be trying to warn you of the worst it could possibly be (because he's terrified that his parents will offend you and make you dump him). Most people are polite enough to hide their racism when their sons are bringing home girlfriends for them to meet.

[Homer]

Hey,

Had the same deal when I introduced my wife to my dad back in Canada. My dad, even if he is well-traveled, speaks 5 languages and teaches at university would make a sheet-wearing member of the Klan proud.

If it's not white and anglo...its inferior is his motto....

How did we deal with it? We tried our best to help him along but in the end he is too racist to come even halfway. He is therefore out of our lives. Thats a bad ending story I know but then again, some people are just unable or unwilling to go beyond their ignorance.

[Tiger Beer]

[itaewonguy]

make a day of it! you know you are not their to impress them. doesnt matter what you do what you say! you will NEVER be good enough!!

so you might as well be very sarcastic and just whind them up!
if the idea of Asians being submissive or easy to control and make good duty wives come up.. you reply with something like!
Is that how your grandparents taught you to act with their slaves?

if they say something like.. do you find the word oriental offensive?
you reply. no. do you find the word yankee offensive?
make a day of it!

[Ya-ta Boy]

[uberscheisse]

i know many people who make mass generalizations the OP's parents are making about asians.

none of them have the cojones to say it to another person's face.

go home, meet them, look them in the eye and i am confident that not one of them has it in them to pigeonhole you.

family racism is generally an insular thing that is fought best by the younger generation - we confront it, the older generation realize they're too full of shit and weakened to do anything about it, and they shut up.

this racial pride crap... i never understood it. why be proud of something you never had to work for?

[cruisemonkey]

I'm 'white' and my parents are Archie & Edith Bunker in 'real life'. I married a Chinese girl and they accepted her into family without question... they're still racist, they just don't know it.

[BigBlackEquus]

Try your best to be civil, but if they treat you like a cupee-doll, and your bf isn't supportive, then immediately go upstairs, and put on some 10cm stilletos with a very short miniskirt. Lean up against the wall, stick your butt in the air and start to grind while saying, "Me so hoooorny! Me love you loooong time for veeeesa!"




In truth, don't sweat it. I think if they were going to disapprove of you or hate you, you would have heard it by now.

[thursdays child]

You may be pleasantly surprised. Has your bf's family actually said anything ractist directly about you?

I'm white (well a bit pink) and my partner is Asian and my Grandmother (who I am very close to) is very racist. My whole family and I were dreading telling her about my boyfriend - expecting to be 'kicked out' of the family...blah, blah, blah.

But.... we got off the plane, surprised her with his 'asianess'... she turned a weird shade of green, had to sit down.... Asked 'do you love him'.. 'ok then'. She still is racist toward every other non-white person in this world but is cool with me and my partner.

[sheba]

My ex-bf's family was really racist. My mothers family is black, but I take after my dad, and Im white. My bf's family kept forgetting and would constantly make racist comments or jokes.

I just sat there and smiled and took it most of the time but sometimes I would join in and tell them that my family isnt like that or they dont do the things that were being described. My boyfriend was really embarrassed and would change the subject or hint to them to be quiet.


To the OP.... Try not to get too upset. The world is full of ignorant people, and just keep in mind that you wont be living with your bf's family for long. It would be good to have a nearby place (like a motel) that you could go to if things really did get bad. On the otehr hand, the family may be on their best behaviour. Take it one day at a time.

[billybrobby]

what is the difference between asian and oriental anyways?

[Pak Yu Man]

I had the same sort of thing happento me. My parents are ok with my wife, but the rest of the family are racist asses.
At the Christmaseve party...I ended up punching my uncle in the face cause of one too many drunk comments about my wife.
Hopefully you won't haveto go that far.