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| Why do they do this? |
| They want to teach the woman morality |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| They have nothing better to do with their time |
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68% |
[ 17 ] |
| They are doing it for her own good |
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12% |
[ 3 ] |
| They are doing any future guys a favour, after all, all unmarried girls are virgins, you know!! |
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12% |
[ 3 ] |
| Other |
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8% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 25 |
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Tiberious aka Sparkles
Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Location: I'm one cool cat!
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 Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 5:28 am Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| Bee Positive wrote: |
| ...face is everything here, or almost everything... |
I always hear/read this, but I don't think it applies to Korea (or other Asian countries, for that matter) any moreso than it does to western culture. But maybe that's because I'm a face-saving bastardo. Different cultures just have their own way of trying not to appear foolish to others is all. In Korea, a young unmarried woman being seen going into a bachelor's apartment might be considered unsavory; likewise, in the west, it might be considered poor form to barf in the street, or to pick one's ear with a cell phone antenna.
But I fear I'm not making myself clear.
Sparkles*_* |
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Wrench
Joined: 07 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 6:04 am Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| joe_doufu wrote: |
| Gord wrote: |
| joe_doufu wrote: |
| I've had the exact same experience, a Korean girl going on dates with me but not letting me so much as hold her hand unless we were on an unlit path in the park, or behind closed doors. And it didn't even occur to her that that might be offensive to me. |
You find not holding hands offensive? |
I find the attitude of "not here! somebody who knows me might see me with you!" offensive. Especially since she had already had her way with me in my apartment... call me sentimental but I like to be a little bit friendly after zipping up. |
Meh.. Have your fun with her and then drop her like a hot potato when you get bored with her.. That's what I do then of course I have problems with "relationships"...
If she asks why tell her that you felt like she was ashamed of you. |
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Bee Positive
Joined: 27 Oct 2005
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:53 am Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| Tiberious aka Sparkles wrote: |
| Bee Positive wrote: |
| ...face is everything here, or almost everything... |
I always hear/read this, but I don't think it applies to Korea (or other Asian countries, for that matter) any moreso than it does to western culture. But maybe that's because I'm a face-saving bastardo. Different cultures just have their own way of trying not to appear foolish to others is all. In Korea, a young unmarried woman being seen going into a bachelor's apartment might be considered unsavory; likewise, in the west, it might be considered poor form to barf in the street, or to pick one's ear with a cell phone antenna.
But I fear I'm not making myself clear.
Sparkles*_* |
You make a very good point.
In fact, it's something I've very often wondered about myself. Clearly, face IS important in the West. It's also important in the East. Is it more important here than there? Who can say? How do we measure these things?
Off the cuff, it seems to me that HOW you lose/save/gain face is much more rigidly prescribed here in East Asia than it is in the West.
In some ways, that makes Asian life easier. There's a kind of unwritten rule book that you carry around in your head at all times. You know exactly what to do and what not to do.
Try playing by the rules of face in California, let's say, and you may find yourself on much more uncertain ground.
BEE POSITIVE |
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EFLtrainer
Joined: 04 May 2005
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:15 am Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| joe_doufu wrote: |
| Bee Positive wrote: |
| By the way, I never got to take that girlfriend more than about halfway home after an evening out. We'd get to about the edge of her neighborhood and she'd start to worry about being seen. On a couple of occasions we had to turn on our heels without warning and march furiously in the opposite direction when she thought she'd suddenly spotted someone down the road who might have known her. |
I've had the exact same experience, a Korean girl going on dates with me but not letting me so much as hold her hand unless we were on an unlit path in the park, or behind closed doors. And it didn't even occur to her that that might be offensive to me.
So, I took a Korean class and started dating my Japanese classmates. Who needs a Korean girl? They're mental. |
Intolerant comes to mind. But not about the girl. The behavior you describe is EXTREMELY normal for a conservative Korean girl. The one that is mental is the one who cannot accept this. Calling somone mental because their mores do not fit yours and you can't get in her drawers says nothing about her. If you catch my drift. |
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EFLtrainer
Joined: 04 May 2005
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:20 am Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| Bee Positive wrote: |
In some ways, that makes Asian life easier. There's a kind of unwritten rule book that you carry around in your head at all times. You know exactly what to do and what not to do.
Try playing by the rules of face in California, let's say, and you may find yourself on much more uncertain ground.
BEE POSITIVE |
Exactly. If you are *willing* to play by the Korean rules, it is far, far simpler. However, trying to do so would drive me insane, so I live in this nether world of not Korean, not a typical American...
...I'm an equal opportunity pain in the rear.  |
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Bee Positive
Joined: 27 Oct 2005
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:41 am Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| EFLtrainer wrote: |
| joe_doufu wrote: |
| Bee Positive wrote: |
| By the way, I never got to take that girlfriend more than about halfway home after an evening out. We'd get to about the edge of her neighborhood and she'd start to worry about being seen. On a couple of occasions we had to turn on our heels without warning and march furiously in the opposite direction when she thought she'd suddenly spotted someone down the road who might have known her. |
I've had the exact same experience, a Korean girl going on dates with me but not letting me so much as hold her hand unless we were on an unlit path in the park, or behind closed doors. And it didn't even occur to her that that might be offensive to me.
So, I took a Korean class and started dating my Japanese classmates. Who needs a Korean girl? They're mental. |
Intolerant comes to mind. But not about the girl. The behavior you describe is EXTREMELY normal for a conservative Korean girl. The one that is mental is the one who cannot accept this. Calling somone mental because their mores do not fit yours and you can't get in her drawers says nothing about her. If you catch my drift. |
Just because I feel compelled to say this,
though you (efl trainer?) may have been addressing the other guy and not me,
I very likely could have taken advantage of the Korean girlfriend in question--errrrrrr, could have let HER take advantage of ME, and would have done so, and OH YES, WOULD HAVE DONE SO: NO OTHER WOMAN EVER GAVE ME SUCH A HUGE IRREPRESIBLE HARD-ON, OH JESUS!--but didn't do so because, well, life is bigger than sex, if you see what I mean.
She was right there in my apartment, at HER invitation, practically begging me to rip her clothes off. I politely offered her a cup of tea, then politely showed her to the door and bid her goodnight after we'd finished drinking.
If I'm going on in a seemingly pointless way here, it's only because I despise the stereotype of "Western man attempting to take advantage of Asian woman."
I'm not taking advantage here.
I'm not even sure what I'm on about at this time of night.
Rambling, sorry . . .
BEE POSITIVE |
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travel zen
Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Location: Good old Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 11:04 am Post subject: |
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I've seen that 'don't touch me in public...but I'll lick your #@#@# in private' routine many times.
It's actually a high school thing. Don't let anyone know.
I think its insulting...and if you want a 'real' relationship, then get a GROWN UP WOMAN and not a silly girl.
You don't need to sneak around like a dummy....led by a string.  |
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Gord
Joined: 25 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 12:27 pm Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| joe_doufu wrote: |
| I find the attitude of "not here! somebody who knows me might see me with you!" offensive. Especially since she had already had her way with me in my apartment... call me sentimental but I like to be a little bit friendly after zipping up. |
Never mind the flack she might get from some people for dating whitie, generally in this country boys and girls generally don't hold hands in their neighborhoods until they are well on the path to getting married. It was because you were a man and not because you were white. (same deal with meeting the boyfriend. The parents will rarely meet the boyfriend here until the path to marriage seems probable)
It's a culture clash, and in this case since you are in her playground you should play by her social rules. Unless you really want to play the "my way things is better than your way of things" which isn't really all that cool. |
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joe_doufu
Joined: 09 May 2005
Location: Elsewhere
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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| travel zen wrote: |
I've seen that 'don't touch me in public...but I'll lick your #@#@# in private' routine many times.
It's actually a high school thing. Don't let anyone know.
I think its insulting...and if you want a 'real' relationship, then get a GROWN UP WOMAN and not a silly girl.
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This chick was in her 30s. I've never been attracted to a Korean woman my own age or younger. They're just bizarre. |
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travel zen
Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Location: Good old Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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I know what you mean.
I dated in Korea too, she was in her thirties and acted the same way. I dated in China (way more people and thus more stares) but my girl didn't give a damn. She was ALWAYS hugging me and holding my hand in public.
Depends on the girl. By the way...I'm a black guy about 6'3 and pretty big. I guess people wouldn't act up around me 
Gord is right in some ways....culture and modesty....but I don't think he is right when it comes to RACE (any color really). This is Korea. Xenopobia rules these people in a way we (westerners) wouldn't understand. |
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antoniothegreat
Joined: 28 Aug 2005
Location: Yangpyeong
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 8:47 am Post subject: |
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| Grotto wrote: |
Needs another choice....
Because foreigners are dirty and will pollute the girl.
Foreigners are only interested in sex and will pollute the girl.
Foreign men are so much larger than Korean men(you know..down there ) that they will make it impossible for a Korean man to please her. |
wait wait wait,,, when did Korean men start caring about pleasing women???? |
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Hyeon Een
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
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| Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:46 pm Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| Gord wrote: |
Never mind the flack she might get from some people for dating whitie, generally in this country boys and girls generally don't hold hands in their neighborhoods until they are well on the path to getting married. |
Do you think this is still true? 'Round my way I see lots and lots of high school (opposite gender) kids holding hands; and surely they haven't announced their intention to marry yet. The local university students do too.. with one's older than that, well, maybe they are married or engaged. This is in the downtown area in a smaller city; their parents friends etc. will surely be seeing them; it can't just be because they're out of their neighbourhood.
Holding hands really isn't much of a taboo amongst Koreans anymore it seems. More so with Korean+foreigner though. Don't see much making out though haha. |
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Ilsanman
Joined: 15 Aug 2003
Location: Bucheon, Korea
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| Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2005 5:01 am Post subject: yes |
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Well now we're engaged, as of yesterday, actually. Maybe it's seen a 'okay' now.
I know there are people around here that don't support us, but they are all being quiet. |
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VanIslander
Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!
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| Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2005 5:33 am Post subject: Re: yes |
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| Ilsanman wrote: |
| Well now we're engaged, as of yesterday, actually. |
Congratulations! |
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Satori
Joined: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Above it all
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| Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2005 5:54 am Post subject: Re: Why do people do this? |
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| Gord wrote: |
| joe_doufu wrote: |
| I find the attitude of "not here! somebody who knows me might see me with you!" offensive. Especially since she had already had her way with me in my apartment... call me sentimental but I like to be a little bit friendly after zipping up. |
Never mind the flack she might get from some people for dating whitie, generally in this country boys and girls generally don't hold hands in their neighborhoods until they are well on the path to getting married. It was because you were a man and not because you were white. (same deal with meeting the boyfriend. The parents will rarely meet the boyfriend here until the path to marriage seems probable)
l |
I have agree with Hyeon Een, I just don't think this is the case anymore. I've seen plenty of hand holding and other pda in the last few years. I agree about the not meeting parents till marriage is likely. |
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