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Alan_Partridge
Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Location: in the posh part of town
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 Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:32 am Post subject: |
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Harry Houdini once boasted he could withstand a roundhouse kick to the chest from chuck Norris...it proved to be his last trick...
Chuck Norris invented the beard. Jesus copied him
The only way Chuck Norris can be killed is if he roundhouse kicks himself in the head. He may do it one day if he gets too bored being the hardest thing in the universe.
Ironically enough, failure to capitalize Chuck Norris' name is a capital offence...even in countries that don't usually have the death penalty. (Method of execution is, of course, by lethal roundhouse kick) It is also a capital offence to refer to Chuck Norris by anything other than his full name (or "sir") |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:57 am Post subject: |
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| Chuck Norris is actually a full-blooded Korean, which accounts for his incredible well-being. He has had minor eyelid surgery, for health reasons. Bravo Your Chuck! |
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JeJuJitsu
Joined: 11 Sep 2005
Location: McDonald's
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| Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. (my favorite) |
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joe_doufu
Joined: 09 May 2005
Location: Elsewhere
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| Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:43 pm Post subject: |
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Twas the night before christmas,
and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
not even Chuck Norris...
(you finish it) |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Upon hearing of the possible outbreak of Bird Flu, Chuck Norris became outraged and announced he will kill off every species of bird. When asked about his statement, he replied, "This is Chuck's world, and Chuck determines when thousands die, not birds." |
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/ |
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HapKi
Joined: 10 Dec 2004
Location: TALL BUILDING-SEOUL
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| Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 1:45 am Post subject: |
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| It used to be called a squarehouse kick, till Chuck Norris was at home one day and realized he hated corners. |
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HapKi
Joined: 10 Dec 2004
Location: TALL BUILDING-SEOUL
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| Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 2:02 am Post subject: |
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| Chuck Norris doesn't wear underwear. Others caught "going Commando" get a swift roundhouse to the face, and are told to "go Delta Force." |
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Dude Love
Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Location: Korea
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:03 am Post subject: |
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| Contrary to news reports, Sylvester Stallone didn't just get accidentally get knocked out by Antonio Tarver on the set of Rocky Balboa (Rocky 6). He was actually roundhouse-kicked to the head by Chuck Norris for not yelling "Mr. Norris, I did it!" at the end of Rocky II. |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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laogaiguk
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Location: somewhere in Korea
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Mills
Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Location: Incheon
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:30 am Post subject: |
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| Rteacher wrote: |
Bruce Lee's "Way of the Dragon" is one of several re-issue titles for Lee's "Return of the Dragon". Filmed in Rome and Hong Kong, this exhilarating adventure flick finds Lee battling Chuck Norris, in one of the latter's few unsympathetic roles. The climax pits Lee against Norris in the middle of the Roman Coliseum! Directed by Bruce Lee himself (who exhibits an unsuspected flair for comedy), "Return of the Dragon" was the last "complete" Lee vehicle.
The fight between the two of them is, in my opinion, the most sophisticated fight ever captured on film. It may not look as stylish as some Jackie Chan or Jet Li fights but that is only the surface. Deep down this fighting sequence uses all the wisdom and martial arts knowledge that made Bruce Lee a legend. It was the first time that Bruce Lee as writer, producer and director had the creative freedom to do whatever he wished. The result is a final gladiatorial duel with 7 times world karate champion, Chuck Norris in the Coliseum. Two worlds collide in this fight: Chuck��s modern karate style fighting and Jeet Kune Do. If there were a martial arts film museum, this fight would be in it. A fighter can learn more about every aspect of fighting by studying this fight than by studying hundreds of real fights. In this movie you can see a combination of all Jeet Kune Do theories: timing, traping, rhythm, distance control, the element of surprise etc. Also in this scene there are no wires or acrobatics. This is pure martial arts wisdom in action. Need I say more?
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Yes. You didn't mention the part when Lee grabs a handful of 1970's era Chuck Norris chest hair and tears it off, letting it float away in the wind. It is a little know fact that that handful of Chuck Norris hair latter hunted-down and killed Bruce Lee. |
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IchiTK
Joined: 02 Feb 2006
Location: on my way...
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 2:48 pm Post subject: |
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It turns out that Zen Buddhism is just a watered-down bastardized version of
Chuckism. If you meditate long enough on the koan "what is the sound of one head cracking?" you will attain true Chuckist enlightenment. |
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IchiTK
Joined: 02 Feb 2006
Location: on my way...
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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| IchiTK wrote: |
It turns out that Zen Buddhism is just a watered-down bastardized version of
Chuckism. If you meditate long enough on the koan "what is the sound of one head cracking?" you will attain true Chuckist enlightenment. |
And don't worry, because Chuck Norris will personally guide you on your quest. If the answer to the koan "what is the sound of one head cracking?" is not instantly clear to you, Chuck himself will deliver a round house kick to the face from inside your head. This, incidentally, is the origin of the phrase, "The truth hurts." |
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Mills
Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Location: Incheon
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris does not apply for passports, visas, etc... every world nation keeps current copies of these items for him at all entry points, because Chuck hates red-tape.
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