Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Wangja]

Bob is in a casino playing pontoon. He's been there all evening. He's had a miserable run and lost almost everything. "Surely my luck must change" he thinks to himself. "I'll give it one last go." He pulls from his jacket pocket the deeds to his house. This represents everything he has left in this world.

The croupier deals the cards and he picks them up. First a jack - looks hopeful. Then a six "Sh*t !!!" he says to himself. "Sixteen - what am I going to do." He stares vacantly at the two cards in his hand as his future seems to ebb away. What is he going to do ??

Suddenly a leprechaun appears on his shoulder and looks at the cards and then at Bob. It starts jumping up and down saying "Twist, twist". Bob is awakened from his reverie by the noise and looks, slightly disbelievingly at the leprechaun.

"Who are you?" Bob says.

"Twist, twist" says the leprechaun.

"But I've got everything riding on this. I've already lost all of my money and car. If I lose this I've lost my house as well."

"Twist, twist" cries the leprechaun.

Bob looks at the leprechaun and thinks "Well perhaps ....." Eventually he decides to trust the leprechaun. "Twist" he says to the croupier. He turns the card offered. It is a two. Huge sigh of relief, perspiration wiped from brow, buttocks unclenched. "I'm OK" Bob thinks.

"Twist, twist" the leprechaun says, jumping up and down again.

"But, it's eighteen. That's a good score. I've got a good chance with that."

"Twist, twist"

"Are you sure??"

"Yeah, you'll be OK. Twist, twist"

Bob agonises for a few seconds and eventually reasons that the lleprechaun was right last time so he goes for it. "Twist, please" The croupier draws another card - an ace!

"Wow" says Bob to himself and sits back thinking he could now recover all he lost earlier. He is just about to place his cards face down when .....

"Twist, twist"

"What? But I've got 19. If I twist I'll probably go bust."

"Twist, twist. Go on!"

Bob thinks to himself that the leprechaun hasn't let him down yet so he decides to back it one last time.

"Twist please."

The croupier draws the card. Slowly Bob reaches for it and pulls it up to his hand. He looks at it. A two. Twenty One, a five card trick. He has done it. He's got his house back, recovered all his money and made a few grand on top. Yeeesssss!!!!!

The leprechaun who has now stopped jumping up and down is motionless, staring at the cards. It turns to Bob and says "You jammy b*stard!!"

[Wangja]

THE CHAV NATIVITY

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked.

She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Bacardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an'
that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' Myrrh?

Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

'APPY CRIMBO xxx

[Wangja]

This thread is closed!

[kermo]

[kathycanuck]

A police officer noticed a blonde woman driving erratically and put on his flashers to pull her over. She kept going. He pulled up beside her and saw that she was knitting while trying to drive! He called to her on his bullhorn, "Pull over!" The blonde just shook her head and kept going. Once again, the cop pulled alongside and yelled, "Pull over!" The blonde rolled down her window and yelled back, "NO, it's a scarf!"

and for the blondes on Dave's:

Why did God make brunettes?
Ugly men need dates too.

[kathycanuck]

Just one more:
What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?
Lies awake and wonders, "Is there really a dog?"