Korean Job Discussion Forums

[periwinkle]

I have no Korean female friends. I am not lamenting this fact- it just is what it is. The Korean females I do get on with have lived overseas (I used to know a really cool girl who had lived in England for 7 years, but she was anything but your typical Korean girl).

I used to try to become friends with my close Korean female co-workers (a lot of them have had excellent English, so it's not a language issue), but they always put up a barrier. I couldn't establish a connection. It used to make me sad, because there were some women that I worked with that seemed pretty interesting.

Trust me, I've examined my own behavior, and it's not me. It's a cultural thing I can't seem to get around. Here's an example:

Go to baby's first birthday celebration. Meet lots of people I don't know. Women are flustered, extremely nervous, and shy. When men get up to get more food, and I'm alone with them, they mention repeatedly how embarrassed they are that they can't speak English (even though I speak enough Korean to get by). I change the conversation and start talking about their kids. This situation had replayed itself countless times, and frankly, I'm so tired of it.

I read in another thread about how the foreign wives are viewed as novelties by the Korean wives. Why is this? Sometimes I feel like I'm not a real person to them- too foreign and strange for them to relate to, even though I mention I like spicy food, like such-and-such Korean singer, etc.

I don't encounter this seemingly impassable barrier with the men, so why is it like this with the women? Maybe it is me- they are intimidated by my confidence, my experiences- not sure...

[thursdays child]

it is a bit strange... but i get it too.

In family events, i get don't get treated as a man so much as just am considered totally useless. If i try and get involved in the woman stuff they all get so flustered and embarrassed and flap their arms about and screech for my partner to come rescue me. The men accept me in any role I choose to play but feel a little embarrassed when thier wives push me away.

When it comes to friends, most of my friends are korean males or foreigners. I have two good korean female friends - but we get on coz their so damn freaky! - good freaky and get shunned by other korean woman! Other friendships i've had with korean woman have always ended due to me 'mortifyingly offending' them in some way. Maybe i cancelled a plan or didn't feel like going out when they called - one 'no' and it was over. Very strangeee.

[MeanyMichi]

I've had the same experience as you.

I have one good Korean female friend. She went to high school and university in the States, so she's not like your average Korean woman.

Younger Korean women my age (mid-twenties) usually don't seem interested in making good foreign friends. Sure, they'll come up, ask a few questions, giggle, say the required "sorry, I don't speak English well" and go away. I really don't think I have much in common with them, find it very difficult to have an intelligent conversation with them, and the constant giggling and "�ֱ�" just get on my nerves (I know they don't ALL do it and that many are very intelligent and <insert favourite positive adjective here>, so don't flame me!).

The older (30s or 40s) Korean women never accept me as an equal. They always think that they need to take care of me in some way, and it's just not possible to have a real friendship with them.

Young Korean men are just so much easier to get along with in general. They are not as shy to talk to foreigners, and if they've been abroad and have pretty good English skills, I find that they are often up to a good conversation.

Older Korean men... now that is a completely different topic. The way I see it is that there are three kinds: the ones who are very nice, but don't accept you as an equal. The ones who want nothing to do with a foreign woman. And lastly the ones who want to be very, very close friends.

To sum it up: I've got one very good female friend, several good male friends, a few female friends I don't see very often and don't make much of an effort to see, either. And a couple of older female "mother figures" who I try to avoid these days.

[krats1976]

When I was in Seoul, teaching at a hagwon and attending English services at church, I was in the same position. My Korean co-workers were friendly and we got on well, but aside from a dinner here and there, we weren't really 'friends.'

When I moved here, I became friends pretty quickly with one of my Korean co-workers because we were the same age and religion and she's uncharacteristically outgoing. At church, everyone was friendly, but for the first year that language wall was always there.

That's all but disappeared in the last few months due to a combination of factors, and now I have 3 or 4 very tight Korean girl friends. Not only that, but at my all-Korean church, people have completely accepted me and the language is no longer a barrier... even though I still haven't really learned Korean.

I think it just required time, patience, and my deciding to take part in activities & such. Regardless of what it was, I'm grateful for it and it's made my life in Korea much more comfortable.

[Karabeara]

The key is speaking Korean. Even if you really are bad, forcing yourself to try is important. It breaks down a lot of the fear barrier that the ladies have, and they are not so scared to socialize with you. Even if it means memorizing a few phrases, try, try, try, and try some more. You will find them wanting to help you a lot, which you may or may not like, but they will open up a lot more. Periwinkle, I thought you spoke some Korean already?

It may help to learn phrases like:

No, you do not look fat.
My husband makes XXXXX won per week.
We are buying a new BMW later this month.
Our child is attending three hagwons after school.
Does you husband come home too late?
I heard there is a new E-Mart open near Ori.
I always kill fish and plants.

[Satori]

Interesting. As a man, I've found the exact opposite to be true. Impossible to have any real connection with a young Korean man, but easy with the women.

[periwinkle]

[Shooter McGavin]

[Shooter McGavin]

[pet lover]

the bad thing about making friends with your fellow female foreigners is that they tend to leave once the contract is up and it can get tiring to make new best friends. I have one female foreign friend firmly entrenched in Korea (she'd have to hire an entire 747 to haul all her things "home") and I do not try to make more friends. I used to, but, well, saying goodbye all the time gets tiring.

[OiGirl]

Most of my Korean woman friends a) are much older (like 20 years older than me) and b) have lived abroad, in the US, Germand, or England, for some time. I think the only other group would be women in other non-dominant groups, i.e., handicapped or choosing not to play the Korean universtiy name prestige game.

[kermo]

I've found that the biggest impediment between myself and Korean women is just our different paths in life. I don't have a husband or a family, and they don't have much time or freedom outside of work. Also, they're trying so hard to put on a good face that it's hard to get to know them or snag an invitation to their home to just hang out.

Also, the women at my work know about how much I'm paid and how many hours I work, and they don't much like it. I can't talk about something I've done or enjoyed without hearing "Oh! I envy you!" which puts a damper on the conversation.

[Pyongshin Sangja]

They have to marry a Korean man. You chose to.

I'd be confused, too.

[ChimpumCallao]

[tzechuk]