Korean Job Discussion Forums

[periwinkle]

My co-worker just told me this one. He made his rounds around the office the other day to say happy new year to some people. Apparently this one guy had made plans to get married by the end of the year. Come December, he still hadn't found a suitable woman, so he tasks his department to find him a suitable woman, and they did. Met some girl mid-December, and 2 weeks later, they were married on Jan.1. The day before the wedding, they decided where to go for their honeymoon.

Funny thing is (as if that wasn't enough) that promotions were just handed out, and he's getting transferred to LA asap, and his new wife is staying here in Korea! (yet another )

I was incredulous when I heard the story, but my husband was non-committal. I asked him later why he wasn't shocked, and he said that although what he did isn't common these days, it sounded like a throwback to the old days of arranged marriages.

Personally, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than marry somebody I wasn't in love with. With the high divorce rate in Korea, I wonder how this guy's marriage will fare.

Different strokes for different folks, eh?

[ilovebdt]

[joe_doufu]

I admit it's a radical idea, but, it worked out, didn't it?
Perhaps this Korean guy is on to something.

[BigBlackEquus]

I've always wondered how sex works out in such situations.

Does the man just decide to kiss her and go for it one day, or does he just rape her after she tries to brush him off?

Or do they sit there and say, "Oh well, we are married, let's just do it."

[krats1976]

[schwa]

Lots of cultures practice arranged marriages. I would imagine the success rate (in terms of longterm compatibilty) is much the same as that in "love matches." Enduring relationships take time & effort.

[Yo!Chingo]

At least with arranged marriages your parents can't say " I told you so" with thing go in the crapper.

[mindmetoo]

Even to this day I think a lot of Korean women feel the only way they can pay back their parents for the huge sums of money they spent on their schooling, health care, and clothing is to get married and birth sons. A Korean without a family has almost no social safety net. A young woman generally can't expect a job past the age of 30. When her parents kick, what's she to do? Her brother legally gets the family fortune.

[Ya-ta Boy]

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, I had a student named Mr. Kim. He had his masters and was planning on going abroad for his PhD. He was in his late 20's. Time to get married the family (Mom) said.

He met a chick, and fell in love. Took her to meet the folks. She comes in the door and Mom stands on the other side of the room, looks long and hard at her and says, "Son, come here."

In the other room, Mom says, "I don't like her face. You can't marry her." Mr. Kim says, "Oh. OK, Mom. I'll dump her." And does.

Mom says he isn't going abroad without a good Korean wife. She goes to the matchmaker and finds a likely prospect. Mr. Kim and Prospect meet at the local coffee shop. She's OK. He's OK. Within 2 months they are married and take off for grad school.

This was 10 years ago. I talked to Dr. Kim recently. They are back, with 2 kids (both citizens ) and 'things' are fine.

At the same place I met Mr./Dr. Kim, I had another student named Dr. Lee. He got drunk one night and told me he was in an arranged marriage, but had recently met a hot young researcher who really lit his fire. He was struggling with the moral conflict of being true to his wife or taking the only chance (he was sure) of having the experience of 'love'. Don't know how it turned out.

I agree with the poster who said that arranged marriages can work out. I think it depends on the mind set when you enter into it. 50% failure rate on love matches is not a strong endorsement of that approach.

[Shooter McGavin]

I think it depends on the reasonableness of the parents. My Mom thinks that any girl who talks to her is "nice" and would be a good wife for me. That would be a bad arrangement. A lot of parents think about these things carefully, and test the prospective mates thoroughly before proceeding. Those would be much more likely to work than anything my Mom was involved in.

[OiGirl]

[mindmetoo]

[peony]

i think i've read somewhere that statistically, arranged marriages stay stronger (fewer incidence of divorce) than 'love' marriages although im sure the culture in which arranged marriages are often practiced can be a strong factor

my grandma & granddad were in an arranged marriage and they were happy, had 8 kids (halabuji passed away about 10 years ago though, in his 70's)

[Yo!Chingo]

When my husband and I got married in Maui we met a young Indian couple from Seattle. They had just gotten married and had know each other for a little less than a year. Their parent's had arranged the marriage. She wasn't even 20, and he was about 7 years her elder with his own business. I asked them about it and quite simply they said it was expected and they couldn't have refused. WTF?!? They are living in the US right?!? We wished them luck but I secretly felt sorry for the young bride. She did not look happy I've always been fascinated with arranged marriages myself.
BTW, arranged marriages usually work b/c in the cultures in which they're practiced the woman usually has no recourse when the guys an ass####! If she leaves him she leaves with little to nothing and he keeps the property and the children...or so I've been told. I've know 2 people in arranged marriages and they both told me as much. 1 man and 1 woman from 2 different cultures affirmed that to me.

[Mills]

After a very long night, I awoke for the nuptials bright and early, spent all day talking to relatives I have not seen since, did the wedding and reception thing, flew to our hotel, and fell asleep within 5 minutes of our arrival there.

I slept through our entire wedding night!

My wife has never let me forget that.