Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Blinky Bill]

My wife is Korean, we live in Korea, and recently her grandmother passed away.
It was a very different and difficult time for me, but especially my wife and my Korean family. It was very different from a western funeral.

If anyone is interested in hearing the details of my experience, I will post more information.

[biscuit]

I'm sorry about your loss...I would appreciate hearing more about your experiences...
My husband is Korean. My Dad has terminal lung cancer and my husband's family is always telling me not to cry. I'm not sure I understand their attitude toward death and would really like some insight...I wonder if there are some cultural differences there...

[Ya-ta Boy]

It would be fascinating to hear. I've seen a bit of the public part of the...I'm not sure what to call it...where the family has a tent pitched in the streets and the friends have a 'wake' kind of gathering and some members of the family wear special clothes. I for one would really like to hear whatever you can share.

And yes, sorry about your loss.

[ulsanchris]

I have been to a couple of korean funerals. Then happen as soon as the person dies. Might be different for Christians. They bring the body to a special room in a hospital and family and close friends visit over the next three days, i think. There is a lot of crying and wailing. I think Western funerals are much more reserved.

[Homer]

It would be interesting to hear more.

On a similar note, each year, I go with my wife's parents to the burial ground where their parents are buried and perform the ceremony for the ancestors with them.

That is always a moving experience.

[Blinky Bill]

Although she was Korean and I am Australian, I always considered her my Grandmother, so I will refer to her as such in this information. I feel the same way about my parents-in-law, I have been very lucky with regards to my wife's family with their acceptance of me and of our marraige. My wife and I have been married for 8 years, met and married in Australia, have visited Korea a couple of times previously, but moved here permanently a year ago because my wife missed her familly so much. We live in Jinju to be close to my wife's parents and other family members.

About three weeks before Christmas, my grandmother went to sleep and did not awake again, she was in a type of coma. For three weeks she lay in intensive care, a member of the family with her at all times. A life support system kept her alive. It became a daily ritual to visit the hospital and support or relieve familly to give them a break. On the Friday before Christmas the family decided to take her home. 24 hrs later on Christmas Eve she passed away. My wife was with her at the time but I was not, due to committments. Family and nearly anyone that had known grandmother began visiting the family home. I arrived about 9.00am on Christmas day. All the immediate family were dressed in traditional Korean mourning clothes, light brown coats, hats. I would describe the mourning clothes as similar to a shepherds clothes in Christs time.
In the house there were two rooms set aside for mourning, one contained the body of grandmother and the other was a small shrine, with photo,s, of grandmother and was attended by my father-in-law (the eldest son), his brothers and my brother-in-law (also the oldest son). There were one or more people in these rooms, greeting people who visited, at all times for three days. As people arrived, they bowed to grandmother, and bowed to the family members. These visitors were then provided with a meal which was prepared and served by the family. The members of my grandmothers family were always busy, greeting people and serving meals, they were so tired. A lot of visitors drove a long distance and then after an hour visit, returned home. Each visitor provided the family with a gift of money, similar to a Korean wedding, to help with expenses.

Every three hours, the family members would stand in front of grandmother and began crying and screaming to show their respect to her. This lasted for about 15 minutes. Then everything would be back to normal, serving meals, greeting people etc.

As a foreigner and with the knowledge that my mother had passed away 12 months before, I was not expected to participate much. But I helped where I could, making coffees, washing dishes etc. I must say that this event brought back memories of my mothers death and funeral, I did feel very emotional, and I did not feel comfortable.

The next day (Monday), my grandmother was buried. Most of the people in the small town turned up for the funeral. I was given mourning clothes to show I was a member of the immediate family, and took part in the procession from the family home to the family burial ground. My grandmothers body was placed on a coloufully decorated float and taken up the mountain to where all the other relatives are buried. At the front of the float (carried on the shoulders of men from the funeral company) were grandmothers friends and at the back were the family members, all the way crying and screaming about their loss. On the way up the mountain the float stopped constantly to allow people to place monetary offerings on the float, the more money, the greater respect for grandmother. At the burial site, everybody sat down for a meal, while the family paid their last respects and she was buried.

I returned to Jinju that afternoon, but my wife stayed with her family for the next three days to visit the grave and mourn.

This may not be typical of Korean funerals, but it was my experience, and very different from an Australian funeral. I felt a little uncomfortable at times with this event , at times overwhelmed, and at times I felt very much left out of the proceedings. But I expect more of these events in the future and I will be much better prepared than I was this time.

[Homer]

That was very moving Bill and a very interesting insight into a private ritual...thank you for sharing this.

I also wish to offer you my sympathies for your loss. I know how you feel about your wifes family as that closely mirrors my own family situation here in Korea where I consider my wife's family as my own and vice versa.

The first time I was included in the ancestors ceremony I also felt strange and sometimes out of place but now, I look forward to it.

After being here since 1997 and married since 1998 I have now attented numerous family ceremonies and events and have been included as a member of the family each time.

I hope your wife and her parents also deals well with their grief and offer my sympathies to them as well.

[Blinky Bill]

To everyone who asked for information about my experience and your your offers of sympathy, my wife and I thank you.

The most important thing to me about this experience was how my Korean family where very appreciative of my involvement in this event even though, I consider, I did not contribute that much. They knew it would be difficult for me and that I would not understand a lot that went on.

Homer, I also visit the family graves and pay respect to my Korean ancestors at certain times of the year. I also find it a moving experience, and often introduce myself to relatives I have never met.

It is all part of the Korean culture that I must accept.

[Homer]