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Faron
Joined: 13 Jan 2006
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 Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 3:23 am Post subject: Breaking up with your First Love |
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| Everybody has a first love and well they usualy never last forever. What are your experiences with your first love and how did you cope with the loss? I've been with a girl for three years, she was my life and well, we broke-up due to distance problems. What did you guys do to get over over a person that meant more than the world to you? |
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ddeubel
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 3:48 am Post subject: |
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I'm sorry I even have to tell you this....it is so obvious...
Get another!!!
DD
"Love has no errors. All errors are the want of love. " William Law |
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Mashimaro
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: location, location
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:18 am Post subject: |
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| first of all I would try not to make any woman "my life" and secondly after breaking up I would get myself together ASAP and date a heap of women |
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Satori
Joined: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Above it all
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:18 am Post subject: |
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| He`s right, nothing helps heal a broken heart like the hot flush of passion...it actually nurtures you in a very positive way, you won`t have to forget her, because you`ll be able to forgive her instead, while still remaining excited about your own life, and keeping your self esteem robust and healthy. |
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cruisemonkey
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Location: Hopefully, the same place as my luggage.
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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Faron,
Take a holliday to Phuket, Thailand and go to bar on Soy Eric off Bangla Road...  |
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Xian
Joined: 08 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 6:43 pm Post subject: Re: Breaking up with your First Love |
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| Faron wrote: |
| Everybody has a first love and well they usualy never last forever. What are your experiences with your first love and how did you cope with the loss? I've been with a girl for three years, she was my life and well, we broke-up due to distance problems. What did you guys do to get over over a person that meant more than the world to you? |
If your suffering were purely physical, then you would be satisfied by any advise towards finding another lady for purposes of passion. But obviously you had strong feelings for this person and the pain is not merely just physical. A quick sexual fix is simply a band-aid to numb the inner pain of a break-up, of which I think is one of the most painful experiences for those truely in love. That pain doesn't just vanish.
The good aspect of finding another person is the hope of falling in love (for those wanting something deeper and more meaningful) and experiencing something with another person that goes beyond the one night and satisfies more than their base physical desires.
Was it true love for a person if they are in bed with someone else in next to no time?
It can be somewhat boring and repetative when people say time will heal the wound and for now, get a hobby or spend some good quality time with friends, but I actually think that it is true. It is a good way to remind yourself that there is more to life than just one person. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that your joy, peace and happiness all depend on one person.
When someone experiences loss, it can be easy to feel that there is a lack of hope and that they will not get something / someone better, especially with first love, but I think that it is a form of self deception that many people experience. Many people here would acknowlege that there is always hope for something / someone better. Keep the hope of something better for yourself in life. Suffering is always harder when one has a lack of hope.
Last edited by Xian on Tue Feb 07, 2006 6:50 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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TOGirl
Joined: 16 Jan 2006
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Faron, from personal experience that might be similar I can tell you that it does get better. I broke up with someone because of distance and it was pretty rough.
I just found that when it first happened it helped to keep busy with my friends and do things that I enjoyed like others have mentioned.
Once you start to get over it you can realize that there are many other people out there and of course there is more than one person in this world for you.
Who know, maybe you will move to Korea and meet the girl of your dreams |
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sheba
Joined: 16 May 2005
Location: Here there and everywhere!
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| Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 4:48 am Post subject: |
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When my first love and I broke up I was devistated.... I wasnt interested in dating again for a long time, and the only thing that helped in the mean time was going out and doing things. Keeping busy with friends or family, and taking time out for myself helped a lot.
When I was ready to date again it helped A LOT!! Then coming to Korea sealed the deal. He's back home doing the same things with the same people, and here I am on the other side of the world experiencing life!! |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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Here's something I have found to work. And it doesn't involve rebound rendezvous.
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Viktor Frankl is nearly as well known for certain clinical details of his approach as for his overall theory. The first of these details is a technique known as paradoxical intention, which is useful in breaking down the neurotic vicious cycles brought on by anticipatory anxiety and hyperintention.
Paradoxical intention is a matter of wishing the very thing you are afraid of. A young man who sweated profusely whenever he was in social situations was told by Frankl to wish to sweat. ��I only sweated out a quart before, but now I��m going to pour at least ten quarts!�� (1973, p. 223) was among his instructions. Of course, when it came down to it, the young man couldn��t do it. The absurdity of the task broke the vicious cycle. |
http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/frankl.html
In other words, reverse psychology. Instead of trying to forget her, you think of her. Schedule your sulking-pining time. Put an hour a day into it. Two. Three. Get on your knees if you have to. When you find yourself distracted from thoughts of her you refocus and redouble your mental energy on thoughts on her. Only her. Do not deviate from the task of having only her in your mind. And do it even when you don't want to do it. You'll know the right time to just give it up.
I've done it a few times myself. You can get over her within a week. |
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joe_doufu
Joined: 09 May 2005
Location: Elsewhere
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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| I still think going out on the dance floor and making out with strangers is the best way to cheer up out of a bad mood. Don't take them home, though. |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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| joe_doufu wrote: |
| I still think going out on the dance floor and making out with strangers is the best way to cheer up out of a bad mood. Don't take them home, though. |
That works too. Rebuilds confidence. |
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