Korean Job Discussion Forums

Fredbob · Last edited by Fredbob on Wed Feb 22, 2006 11:34 pm; edited 2 times in total

Long story short, my job at a hagwon is going well but I am a newbie so it's taken me some time to adjust to Korea (not that I'm actually done yet but I'm setting the scene here). Less than a month before I left for here I had a major problem with my car and a b.s. reckless driving ticket for hopping a curb. If I like it here I'll be selling the car so I had to get it fixed and the lawyer who talked the ticket down to the $25 ticket it should have been was ridiculously pricey. Translation, I had socked a few grand to get settled here, most importantly to pick up a pc, take a language course, travel around ie, the things I planned on doing to make some friends and relax. So after the first month I started teaching extra classes to get the money to do all these things. Essentially working 12 hour days, studying English and Korean on the weekends. Not the best situation but I do what I have to do to get what I want, no problem, should be riding high by the end of March at the latest.
Now the problem.
My ajumma,Mrs. S, at the school has decided I need a friend. There's only one other Native speaker at the school, she's nice but has a boyfriend and the three of us don't have much in common. I really like this lady (Mrs. S) and she does much more for me than I ever ask her to and at times a little more than I am comfortable with. One day she handed me her cell phone and their was a woman, M, on the other end, a surprised woman I might add, we were both confused so I explained my version of what just happened and we laughed about it and made the obligatory non-committment to have coffee sometime. I thought that would be the end of it until this morning. I came to the office and Mrs. S tells me in of course very broken englishee that the three of us are going to have coffee during my lunch break today. She pretty forcefully told us both that we are to be friends, big brother, little sister. We all chatted for a while, the cousin M is almost fluent and went to uni for two years in Philly so we had a little to talk about. To top it all off, after my next class M was at the school and the two of them presented me with a bag of sliced oranges.

I have no idea how to handle this situation and no clue how M would likely view the situation. Before you ask, she's not hot, not ugly but not hot and she might be an interesting person to know but since the situation is so strange I don't really know. It's not lot being set up with a girlfriend, at least I don't think it is. I like my school and all the people involved and really don't want to disturb the relationship. Fire away, I know the situation is pretty stupid but I do actually want some good advice along with the jibes.

Yu_Bum_suk · Joined: 25 Dec 2004

If that's the extent of your problems so far you're doing just fine.

Fredbob · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 11:04 pm Post subject:

True, just want to keep it that way. Seems like many Koreans don't differentiate between being alone and being lonely.

RACETRAITOR · Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Location: Seoul, South Korea

I had a boss try to set me up with girls from his church. I respectfully but firmly told him to leave that to me. It's best to just remain professional, because if anything goes wrong, your year's going to end short.

I imagine you already know not to piss in your own yard, so to speak.

spliff · Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Location: Khon Kaen, Thailand

Go out some time (w/out Mrs. S), get her topped up on soju, and, well...the rest is up to you! Wink

BigBuds · Joined: 15 Sep 2005 Location: Changwon

With that comment, I think your avatar really suits you Laughing

.

xingyiman · Joined: 12 Jan 2006

Sometimes Korean hospitality knows no bounds. Unless you establish the lines of privacy your boss will never know where they are. My boss is always willing to help me with just about anything but he also knows that if I really need help I will ask for it.

spliff · Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Location: Khon Kaen, Thailand

^ Yeah, thanx! BTW...how about that chest? Took a lot of bench pressing to get that baby. Very Happy

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

I think the indirect approach would work best in this situation. Go to a coffee shop with M and be polite. Her two years in the West did not make her a cultural expert. No way to know how she feels about all this. In other words, don't tell her how you feel about your boss's tactics (unless M brings it up). In addition, there is a family relationship there. You don't want to stir up any trouble there.

Be polite and get her phone number. Say you will call when you need help. And limit your contact to that. If you do ask for her help, be sure to buy her a dinner or something equivalent. If she calls you for social activities just remember the magic words: "I'm sorry. I have a promise. Maybe next time."

At work start name dropping the names of people you meet. Create the impression your social life is doing just fine.

Keep in mind your boss is not ripping you off or in any other way being a rat. She's trying to help you out, albeit in an unacceptable way. It is not malicious.

RACETRAITOR · Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Location: Seoul, South Korea

And remember that Koreans generally don't date for fun. She's setting you up assuming it will lead to marriage. It's a situation where you really can't back out.

billybrobby · Joined: 09 Dec 2004

maybe her friend was like "i really want somebody to practice my english with" and the old lady is trying to help her out. i'd counter this move by speaking nothing but korean. if that fails, make up a language like pooty-tang.

tomato · Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:05 am Post subject:

Hello, Fred Bob!

Three miscellaneous comments:

--The line between work and free time is not as thick in Korea as it is in our culture. Your boss probably doesn't realize that.

--This story isn't new. In one of my jobs, I heard through the grapevine that my boss had intentions of introducing me to her sister, hoping that her sister and I would get married and I would take her to the United States.

My boss must have thought better of this idea when she got to know me better.

--In case you're wondering what "I have a promise" means in Ya-ta Boy's post, the Korean language has the same word for "promise" and "appointment." So Korean English students have trouble telling the difference.

Yu_Bum_suk · Joined: 25 Dec 2004

Just tell her you have a girlfriend back home and you're not sure if you're completely broken up or what the status is - just make the relationship seem abiguous. That way you always have an easy way out if need be. 'I have boyfriend [but not exactly and I've just spent the evening flirting with you and have mixed feelings about what to do now]' is also a tactic that k-girls often use themselves when they feel ambiguous about initiating or pursuing a relationship.

Really, don't sweat it. Who knows, she might turn out to make a wonderful gf or just be a nice bilingual friend who can help you out with a lot of stuff.

Fredbob · Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:33 am Post subject:

Thank you for the advice,
Luckily she's not my boss, she the receptionist/student counselor/lady in charge of making sure the teachers are happy and healthy.

I think I did assume there was no chance the girl might need english help since her accent is so similiar to what I heard at home and she went to U Penn.

Going the indirect way, although Pootkonglish is an intriguing idea, shite, with the amount of slang I normally use since I'm from the Northeast I could probably just fry her brain if the situation gets out of hand (either that or she'll have some gangsta rapping students since she is a teacher).

Seriously though folk,
Thanks for the help and some of the insights.
Peace