Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Barking Mad Lord Snapcase]

Normally, this subject would need no introduction to anyone who has spent more than a few days in Korea. However, the sheer cultural divide that this phenomenon exposes could not be understated. Indeed, it exposes the weaknesses inherent in both cultures.

In Western countries, staring at one person for more than four seconds is not only discouraged - it could actually get you into trouble. Try staring at a woman, or a black person, or an obese person in this way in your own country and see what eventuates. This sort of thing could actually lead to lawsuits, or bar room brawls. Usually this reaction is quite understandable, since we are taught from childhood that staring is rude, and - in a form of psychological self defense - we must interpret it likewise when it happens to us. There are situations, however, when there is an innocent explanation - for example, when you want to read a joke on a full-figured woman's T-shirt, or you suspect that someone is that high school buddy you have not seen in 10 years and want to take a closer look just in case, or - God forbid - you want to read the poster on the wall she is leaning against. Nonetheless, not only is prolongued staring discouraged in the West, but in some extreme cases even casual glances may be reciprocated with harsh stares or even accusations. This heightened level of sensitivity is generating an entire culture that is too afraid to look each other in the eye. No wonder we have the "somebody else's problem" problem. Yet I have a sneak suspicion that the very same people who bemoan our "complacency" and "loss of community" in the West are the same ones who are most likely to shriek "What are you staring at, you pig?" I could be wrong, but it does generate beautiful symmetry when the most vocal questioners are themselves revealed to be the answer.

With this in mind, is it any wonder that Westerners take staring very personally when they land in Korea? Casual, inquisitive glances are OK in my book - not just in Korea. However, having a 10-year-old staring at you for a full 30 seconds, and them having him skip over to his friend to whisper "Something something waegook!", and then have both of them walk over to you to stare some more, is a novel experience in more ways than one. For obvious reasons, you are a novelty to them. Yet the one thing that they do not seem to comprehend is that - in the very act of staring - their behaviour is a novelty to YOU. The relative strangeness of their (culturally normal) behaviour transforms them into a perfect mirror of how you are percieved. They don't see the mirror themselves - after all, they are behaving just like other Koreans, so how could they possibly be strange? And by the way, why is that funny looking waegook staring at all those squid bobbing up and down in that tank? What is so strange about squid? Why is that funny looking waegook staring at the poodle with pink ears? What is so strange about a poodle with pink ears? Why is that funny looking waegook staring at that girl trying to climb up the stairs with her roller skates on? What is so strange about climbing up the stairs with your roller skates on? These waegooks are strange!

If anything, being stared at in Korea should be re-interpreted as something empowering, because it proves that we know something they don't know. It reminds us of our own cultures - not of the present, but of yonder days and simpler times when folks were simple too, and the big bad world beyond our national borders may as well have been the inky depths of space. We have moved on. I hope Korea does, too.

[thursdays child]

nicely said

[rapier]

i was always told staring is a sign of inferiority. Someone stares at you not only shows bad manners but a lack of self control on their part.
It reveals extreme curiosity, which also indicates a lack of knowledge or experience. thus its forgiveable in children, but certainly not in adults.
Its not something you can ever really get used to as its a personal scrutiny.

[Noureli]

Actually, the staring is not so bad. I've been here for about 4 months and before coming I thought that it was going to be much worse. Then again, I am from Montreal. Staring in Montreal is a hobby for Quebecers and having arrived from Alberta to Montreal at first , I found it very insulting that people in Montreal just keep staring at you, but after 14 years I'm used to it.

[the eye]

I don't agree with your statement that 'staring proves we know something that they don't.'
My reason is that Korean's stare at anything that breaks from the routine of the day.

I've seen koreans stop still, and stare at the man beating his wife, but they don't intervene.
And i've seen some stand around for ages, staring at a minor car accident. A car that hit a post for example. No one is hurt. But they'll stand there staring for minutes as the driver speaks to someone on their cellphone.

They stare at my clothes. They stare at each others clothes. Their eyes follow people as they walk by, usually concentrating on one particular item.

How do i notice all this?

I stare.

India. Now there's some staring to talk about. It will bring paranoia to the best of you.
Been there?

[4 months left]

Speaking of staring, this is the only country I've ever been in where the men don't stare or turn and look when a good looking woman walks by. Just adds more to the Korean men gay/feminine theory.

[Homer]

Interesting post barking.

A good read.

I think that staring can be interpreted in many, many ways. It often is interpreted by westerners as based on ignorance or racism, i.e. as something prejudicial.

While in some cases, staring is because of ignorance or racism, there are many other reasons that can explain whay a person stares.

Also, I disagree that the fact Korea stare means we know something they don't. That involves a superior/inferior frame that does not work well with this particular issue.

Perhaps it is just better to ask yourself who is staring (is it some old halmoni who has not seen many waeguks in her life? Is it a kid? Is it some drunken idiot?) as this may lead you to the explanation of why they stare.

To the guy who lived in Montreal...you are right...they do stare like its a sport there! When I was at McGill doing my M.A. I noticed that too.

India...been there as well and man oh man do they put Korea to shame with the staring!

[memorabilis]

I lived in India for a year, and I never noticed staring there as much as here. I don't really care that much about it though. People are just curious about you. You're different.

I lived just off of a market street in Bangalore. There weren't really any foreigners there. My co-worker and I were taken on like pet projects for the whole area. Everyone knew who we were and helped us out. We always got hellos from the shop keepers and the juice vendors. I loved it. It was a little community for me. My landlord and landlady would have me in for tea and a chat. The only time I ever felt I was getting stares was when I was doing something typically south Indian, like eating idlis in a little darshini. The old men in their dhotis and lungis would come and ask "Your country?" and how you like the food. But they were always so nice.

Mind you, everyone speaks English so well there, so they don't feel intimidated in speaking to you. I think here the people are terrified of talking to you, so they just look at you and maybe wonder about where you're from or what you're doing here.

[travel zen]

I agree that other cultures stare far more than Koreans.

I did 2 months in India and thought I was used to people simply staring at me as i walked down streets or ate at restaurants - not evil stares, just curiosity.

I did 2 months in China and thought I was on Mars. Open-mouthed stares. Cars stopped in the middle of the road-stares.

Eye popping stares. Hate- inspired "what are you doing here!" stares.

When I finally landed in Korea, I thought it was paradise with decent people who lined up, minded their own business and left me alone

It felt good.

[weatherman]

Been here so long, don't really care about the stare, but I do love to stare back. Like the locals, I just don't care what they think when I stare back, and long after they have finished.

[Gorgias]

I liked the whole post until the last paragraph.

I thought you were going to continue to say how healthy and innocently curious staring is.

By the way, when I came back to Korea a short time ago, I felt very uncomfortable for the first few days, until I remembered to stare back. Then everything was okay again.

[Barking Mad Lord Snapcase]

[TheUrbanMyth]

[jajdude]

I still find it a bit strange too that your foreign prescence can cause a change in nearby conversation.

Even though they are just kids, I never liked whenever one would come right over and gawk while eating or whatever.

The funny sound of surprise (like 'uhh') and alerting the friend or family of your presence is still strange to me.

I think 'waygook' comes to mind as instantly as gender. Don't know why the obvious needs to be said so often though. Like "look, someone different."

[periwinkle]

I'm not sure about the whole staring back thing. I've tried, and then it turns into a staring contest, and I've never once won a staring contest. My co-worker had this drunk ajossi start with him. The guy stared at him (agressively), so my co-worker matched his look. He said something to my co-worker, and some harabojis nearby TOTALLY started in on the drunk guy! They were like, what are you doing? Can't you see the size of him (my co-worker is 6ft. and looks like a rugby player)? Etc. The guy started whining that my co-worker was "giving him the eye". Anyway, if you stare back, people might take it as a sign of aggression. If you just innocently check them out in turn, 's all good.