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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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jaganath69
Joined: 17 Jul 2003
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 Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 12:26 am Post subject: |
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| igotthisguitar wrote: |
| Apple Scruff wrote: |
... jaganatha69: change your damn avatar.
Gawkers in this PC room think I'm looking at homosexual biker porn. |
Ummmm, Scruffy ... gawkers here think the picture IS Jaga! |
You wouldnt be the first, still I cannot claim credit for the works of masters. I won't be changing this avatar anytime soon as I love the reaction it gets. |
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margaret
Joined: 14 Oct 2003
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 12:55 am Post subject: |
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| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
Sounds like she's getting what she wants out of the relationship. At least she's not making you foot the bill, which is something of a good sign. But things are still stuck in neutral.
Start becoming less available. You don't have to start seeing other girls. (Though, why not) "Gosh, I'd love to baby but I'm going out with the guys." "Oh, I just remembered, there's this thing I gotta take care of."
Ah, just start meeting other women. |
If you want to play games andhave a dishonest relationship follow the above advice.
I think the way to go is if you want to move things forward, be honest--tell her you are serious about her without pressuring her. The way to stop games, stop any BS and learn if she want more or not is to be honest and go from there. Games just lead to more games.
Let us know how things go.
Margaret |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:34 am Post subject: |
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That's assuming they are in a relationship, the existence of which is in question. To take things to the next level the OP has to make a move on her. No amount of "confessing" his love will do that.
Yeah, you're right. He should check things out before moving on. But if he meets with a rebuff, he must move on or he will make himself the victim of so many (unwitting) games. |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:42 am Post subject: |
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| Are you sure that she thinks of these outings as dates? Sounds to me like you got yourself a language exchange partner and not a girlfriend. |
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Seabass
Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 2:20 am Post subject: |
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| Pak Yu Man wrote: |
| Are you sure youare actually dating this girl? |
Well, I'm not totally sure if I am dating her or not. We've been out four times, but I've yet to make a move. Thats my fault obviously, but I've just tried to keep it relaxed and take things slow. But I plan to make a move next time I see her, to find out for sure if there is anything there or not. Don't want to be stuck in neutral forever. And I am keeping my options open for sure, unless I end up in a committed relationship.
As for the english lessons comment, I doubt thats her motive. She speaks excellent english and she is usually the one giving me lessons in Korean. I can talk at my normal speed with her and she understands me. She never asks me english related questions. Besides, if she just wanted english lessons, why wouldn't she ask a female foreign teacher at my school, who is less likely to make unwanted sexual advances. |
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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:20 am Post subject: |
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| Seabass wrote: |
| Pak Yu Man wrote: |
| Are you sure youare actually dating this girl? |
Well, I'm not totally sure if I am dating her or not. We've been out four times, but I've yet to make a move. Thats my fault obviously, but I've just tried to keep it relaxed and take things slow. But I plan to make a move next time I see her, to find out for sure if there is anything there or not. Don't want to be stuck in neutral forever. And I am keeping my options open for sure, unless I end up in a committed relationship.
As for the english lessons comment, I doubt thats her motive. She speaks excellent english and she is usually the one giving me lessons in Korean. I can talk at my normal speed with her and she understands me. She never asks me english related questions. Besides, if she just wanted english lessons, why wouldn't she ask a female foreign teacher at my school, who is less likely to make unwanted sexual advances. |
One is only dating if both people are using the dates to eventually move the relationship to the physical. Surely you want to see her nipples but if she has no plan on letting you see her nipples, then this isn't a date. In her view, it's just two friends, a cultural experience. Of course you have a good idea you want to see her nipples but how do you know she wants to see you buck, ride you like the little pony ride her daddy's been denying her, and generally using all the furniture your place? Yi ah, ride em skipper, and all that? Alas there's no way of knowing her feelings. It's kind of a Schrodinger's Cat situation. Physics says her idea of you is in two states, you're both in the friend zone and the bf potential zone. You can only collapse the wave by making a physical move. A kiss. Asking her is the best way to collapse the state into the friend zone. Friends ask. Real men are like snarling wolves and she's a little bunny. You must take her like a wolf taking a little bunny. (See my note below about there being no good signs.)
Korean women also tend to need the man to make the moves. Korean women also want to seem virtuous. I've heard of one guy who got hot 'n' heavy with a woman. Clothes are coming off. She's moving in for the fully monty and comments they'll have to be careful about getting her prego. No probs, he says. I've got condoms. Suddenly her mood changes and she leaves. Why? Clearly the guy must have thought she was loose from the get go. His perception, of course, is condoms = his respect for her. But Korean women might not see it that way. See?
And dating a coworker, if you make the moves and she shoots you down, that's going to be uncomfy.
Even if you navigate those minefields, the reality of her future might hit her. Where is this going? How would her parents, extended family, and coworkers feel? Once my friend, a single mother, invited me to her baby's first birthday. This is a huge event in a Korean family. Well, the next day she had to dis-invite me. Why? Her parents didn't like the idea a foreigner would be there. What would her extended family think? First she had a baby out of wedlock and now... now she wants to cavort with a Canadian in front of her relatives' very eyes.
Also keep in mind the maxim of "there are no good signs" (with the exception of full frontal). There are bad signs, surely. Not returning your calls. Throwing bricks at you. Complaining to your manager. However, the problem with good signs is any good sign can always be explained away later by her as two friends going out. Women tend to have more intimate relationships with other women and generally expect men to understand that there is nothing "relationshipy" about her touching you, her calling you at 4 am because she's suffering horrible menstrual cramps, planning seemingly romantic places to go...
Last edited by mindmetoo on Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:31 am; edited 1 time in total |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:28 am Post subject: |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
| Korean women also tend to need the man to make the moves. |
And have been known to pout if you over-play "the gentleman".
| Quote: |
| Also keep in mind the maxim of "there are no good signs" (with the exception of full frontal). |
No, pouting (see above) is a _good sign_. |
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SPINOZA
Joined: 10 Jun 2005
Location: $eoul
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:30 am Post subject: |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
Korean women also tend to need the man to make the moves. Korean women also want to seem virtuous. I've heard of one guy who got hot 'n' heavy with a woman. Clothes are coming off. She's moving in for the fully monty and comments they'll have to be careful about getting her prego. No probs, he says. I've got condoms. Suddenly her mood changes and she leaves. Why? Clearly the guy must have thought she was loose from the get go. His perception, of course, is condoms = his respect for her. But Korean women might not see it that way. See?
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No. |
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plato's republic
Joined: 07 Dec 2004
Location: Ancient Greece
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:03 am Post subject: |
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| Make sure she doesn't just see you as a walking, talking dictionary or that infamous Korean word 'chingu'! |
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bellum99
Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Location: don't need to know
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:20 am Post subject: |
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She is 23? Honestly...I wouldn't get all tied up with this girl. At this age she probably is a waste of time for sex or relationship. There seems to be two kinds of k girls at this age.
1: Innocent K-girl who wants to have some experiences. (She has other boyfriends and never puts out for the western English dictionary boy).
2: Easy K-girl. Everyone rides her like the village bicycle. (She often starts out pretending to be innocent but really isn't. She also has other boyfriends and she always cares about the money.)
-----Yes....I know. Your girlfriends and wives are not like this. I am not saying every girl is like this..but a lot of them sure are. |
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Mashimaro
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: location, location
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:28 am Post subject: |
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| margaret wrote: |
If you want to play games andhave a dishonest relationship follow the above advice.
Margaret |
they are not having a relationship yet! And what is dishonest about dating other women.. single people are free to do as they want.. and it will make the OP look more attractive in the woman's mind.
| margaret wrote: |
I think the way to go is if you want to move things forward, be honest--tell her you are serious about her without pressuring her.
Margaret |
This sounds like a great way to..... scare her off.
| margaret wrote: |
The way to stop games, stop any BS and learn if she want more or not is to be honest and go from there. Games just lead to more games.
Let us know how things go.
Margaret |
wrong.. the best way is to choose an appropriate moment when no one else is around and make a move. |
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nautilus
Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:37 am Post subject: |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
Korean women also tend to need the man to make the moves. |
You have to do everything, initiate everything. They are too shy/inept to do anything, so the relationship will be pretty one-sided: you put in all effort, she enjoys the ride and says stop whenever she feels. She has a reputation to protect after all, and rebuffing you/ dealing you crushing blows at every turn is best the way to do it. Makes her feel good too.
Good luck  |
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nautilus
Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:44 am Post subject: |
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| Mashimaro wrote: |
wrong.. the best way is to choose an appropriate moment when no one else is around and make a move. |
Oh , and when does that arrive exactly? Koreans are communal people, and socialise communally. Even if you manage to see her without other people there, kissing in public will make her feel excrutiatingly uncomfortable and passers by will glare at her if not make comments. You could plan to take her somewhere quiet and relatively free of people (ahem, where to find such a place in korea?), -but then of course it will immediately be obvious to her what you want, and she will get all nervous beforehand- the spontanaeity is lost. Inviting her to a DVD bang will seem sleazy, almost insulting.
This is how the Korean courtship tradition of kidnapping your beloved and dragging them to an offshore island before to force yourself on them, evolved.
Best advice: go to Japan. |
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ophelia
Joined: 03 Feb 2006
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:45 am Post subject: foreigners and korean men |
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| what's the deal with korean men? there seems to be some weirdness there too |
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nautilus
Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!
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| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:52 am Post subject: Re: foreigners and korean men |
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| ophelia wrote: |
| what's the deal with korean men? there seems to be some weirdness there too |
They will be sickly sweet and follow you like a puppy until they marry you.
A beating follows on the wedding night and you are henceforth locked into their societal/economic contract whereby they go out drinking and whoring with their mates every night, and occasionally stop by to do their duty and give you a baby, hopefully a firstborn boy. |
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