Korean Job Discussion Forums

[SPINOZA]

There's a teacher (not a co-teacher) at my school who has an annoying habit of touching me in an effeminate manner. Right at the beginning of my tenure, I scoulded him for it. I felt guilty actually because he's a nice guy and I thought I over-reacted and in the end put it down to some cultural difference or other. It worked briefly but now we're back to touching my sides when he walks past me (which I hate; I don't even like having my sides touched by a girlfriend because I'm ticklish!) and rubbing his hand up my arm saying "not cold?".

I've nothing against gay men and do not have conservative opinions at all about homosexuality. Frankly, I simply don't care about it. You're gay? Congratulations! What do want - a cookie? Being gay is about as hip, cool and radical as being a 50 year-old Republican Senator these days.

But I don't wanna be touched-up by a dude either!

There's more.

This guy keeps inviting me to his house. "You have schedule this weekend?". Yes is always the answer. I'm not rude about it, I just say I'm busy, which is usually true anyway. What the heck's going on? Sod off and leave me alone! Am I jumping to conclusions in assuming a dude who keeps touching me like a bloody fairy and is now inviting me to his house is gay? Should I Keep making excuses not to go and keep being nice about it, hoping eventually he'll give up? That's all well and good, but I'm always all-too-happy to attend other teachers' houses, who by sheer coincidence happen to be female or have a fit daughter.

[Yu_Bum_suk]

I've got a few (male) teachers I suspect have a crush, too, but they're not always looking for excuses to touch a la hormonal middle school girl, at least not at work.

The middle school VP was always sending me SMSs saying 'I love you' and things like that, but after about a month of constant attention in December I think he's figured out that no, I'm not going for a 5'2" adjoshi my father's age.

The other one is the shy computer teacher closer to my own age. I really started to suspect him after our staff retreat this winter. A bunch of us, mostly male, teachers went to the noraebang after bulgogi and soju dinner and after a while kicked out the female teachers and brought in some hostesses to dance with and grope. I handed off one of the hostesses to him and he really didn't seem comfortable around her at all, but whenever we were sitting together wanted to rest his hand on my leg or have his arm around me. Fortunately he's far too shy to be so affectionate when he's sober.

I think if you keep brushing him off he will get tired of it after a while.

[ajgeddes]

I don't think he is gay, it's just the way some guys act here. I would do the same as you, and just tell him you don't like when he touches you. The way I see it, only two people touch me, my girlfriend and me. I am the same as you, gay guys are great, you don't have to compete for women with them. All the power to them. I think at the very least out of this just go out to a HOF with him one night and get some free beer, and then maybe he will leave you alone the next weekend.

[pest2]

[lastat06513]

Are the both of you young or at least near the same age?
Is he Korean?

If so, it is a kind of way they show closeness and friendship in Korea. I got it too for a while and I tended to take it as a cultural thing too.

But that doesn't mean you have to take it.
You can always explain to them (even as a joke) that it is a sign of being gay to constantly touch someone. Sometimes, mild embarrassment sometimes has a way of letting someone get the message.

[coolsage]

Apparently, even the legendary powers of kimchi are ineffective when it comes to sexual preference. If the 10% model is valid across cultures, then it applies here as well. Unfortunately, sexual expression of any sort other than the mainstream is exceedingly repressed in these parts, not unlike America in the '50's (the 1850's). The soju will tend to encourage the closeted ones, especially if you happen to be a decent-looking Westerner (and the book on us is that we're all decadent anyway). If you're not into that (not that there's anything wrong with that), just tell him so, in a way that doesn't cause any loss of face.

[mindmetoo]

[elynnor]

...

[billybrobby]

what isn't gay about korean dudes? but there's the effeminate-but-not-gay stuff and then there's the outright gay stuff.

One of my coworkers, when I met him, after about 10 seconds I picked him as gay. Sure enough, he gets all drunk at the company booze-up and he's all over me. why me? I don't recall the American flag having a big pink triangle on it, but whatever, I guess he figured it was worth a shot. The next day I says to my other coworkers "man, you see X last night? I think he wants a boyfriend or something" and they said "oh, no, no. he's not gay." like it was unimaginable.

i definitely wouldn't go eating chicken and drinking beer with the dude. just tell him real bluntly, "don't touch me man. it freaks me out. we don't do that in (insert homeland)." you know, play the foreigner card. also, it might not hurt to bring up the topic of chicks as much as possible.

[SPINOZA]

[crazylemongirl]

Count yourself lucky. My viceprincipal last year like to give a back slap or punch in the stomach for affection. For an old lady she sure could pack a punch.

[Zyzyfer]

Just say it, man. "Dude, that's really gay. Stop touching me."

[TheUrbanMyth]

[I_Am_Wrong]

Why be so homophobic? Scared you might like it?
Life's too short to worry about this kind of stuff.

[kermo]