Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Ya-ta Boy]

Dramatis Personae:

The Endless Sheriff (TES)
Co-Teacher (TES��s co-teacher)
Head Teacher #1 (at TES��s high school)
Head Teacher #2 (at Middle School #1)
Elementary School #1
Elementary School #2
Middle School #1
Middle School #2
Mexicana Chicken Ajumma
A Surprise (but Un-welcome) Guest

Scene: Very Rural High School, Rep. of Korea

Years and years ago my friend earned the title of The Endless Sheriff because he always knows the best (cheapest) places in town to drink. He recently called me up with the following story. It��s pretty long, so if you are inclined to read it, you may want to take a potty break before you get started. You may also want to get a supply of Kleenex, just in case you are overwhelmed with the tragedy of the situation. There will NOT be a pop quiz or plot summary test, so if you are not inclined to read it, feel free to skip on to something more to your interest. Or just go clip your toe nails.

A long time ago, when the tiger smoked��

In many respects, it was not a good week for our friend The Endless Sheriff. On April Fool��s Eve Day The Endless Sheriff was in the office waiting for the next class when Co-Teacher came over, sat down and said she had bad news for him. Elementary School #1 had heard that Middle School #1 had recently arranged to borrow his services for a few hours a week. Would TES be interested in either coming over the mountain a few hours a week to their school during the day or on the weekend? The Endless Sheriff said, no, he wasn��t interested. Not at all. Co-Teacher smiled and left. Co-Teacher came back a few minutes later from a discussion with Head Teacher and said, ��Please think about it over the weekend.�� TES thought to himself, ��I wonder what part of that refusal they didn��t understand?��

Over the weekend The Endless Sheriff sharpened his argument for not agreeing to it. Reason No. 1: His schedule is full. Reason No. 2: He has already agreed to teach an evening class twice a week for some county employees, although this program has been delayed till after the election. Reason No. 3: TES has zero interest in teaching elementary kids. TES strongly believes that all elementary school teachers should be automatically awarded a Get Out of Jail Free Card (on the premise that any ensuing killing will be Justifiable Manslaughter) when hired.

Monday morning rolled around and TES gave his final answer to Co-Teacher. It did no good. Co-Teacher left but soon returned saying, ��Elementary School #1 is here to discuss when you can come over and teach them.�� The Elementary School #1 Principal, the Elementary School #1 Vice Principal, the High School Principal, the High School Vice Principal, the Head Teacher, Co-Teacher and The Endless Sheriff all parade in to the Principal��s office. Green tea is served and for about half an hour rapid-fire Korean is spoken without anyone giving even a glance at TES. Suddenly Co-Teacher stands up and gestures for TES to follow. Out in the hall she tells him they understand and the plan has been dropped. TES sighs. Bullet #1 has been dodged.

Monday afternoon The Endless Sheriff is back at his desk when Co-Teacher came over, sat down and said she had good news and bad news for him. Middle School #2 has heard that Middle School #1 has recently arranged to borrow his services for a few hours a week and that Elementary School #1 has been recently rejected, thus leaving an opening for them to get their request in. ��What opening?�� TES asked. ��Head Teacher says we can drop two of your classes and you can go up the street to teach middle school kids.�� ��How many middle school kids?�� The Endless Sheriff innocently asked. ��Ummm��between 30 and 100,�� Co-Teacher answered sweetly. ��Is this the good news or the bad news?�� ��That was the bad news. The good news is that Middle School #2 will pay you.�� There may have been more information offered, TES says, but he was hung up on the number ��100�� and stopped listening.

[At this point, you may want to skip over to ��Would you like some ketchup on your lettuce salad?�� before reading further. Or you may not.]

Early Tuesday afternoon The Endless Sheriff was sitting at his desk waiting for time to go teach at Middle School #1 when Co-Teacher came over, sat down and said, ��Don��t be scared. It��s good news this time. Head Teacher says you don��t need to go to Middle School #2. We don��t want to reduce your hours here.�� TES sighs at dodging Bullet #2 and leaves for Middle School #1.

He goes in Middle School #1 and begins preparing for class when Middle School #1 calls him out in the hall and says, ��Good news. This Saturday will be our first English Camp. Can you come at 9?�� The Endless Sheriff had been dazzled by promises of big money so agreed to this, so it isn��t a total shock, although he would have appreciated a little more notice. He then asked, ��What is the schedule?�� ��Schedule? What is that? Many of your students will be here. And many of the Elementary School #2 students will be here.�� The Endless Sheriff says he was startled. ��Elementary School #2? Who are they? I agreed to teach Middle School #1 students. Nobody said anything about Elementary School #2 students. I thought this was just regular Saturday school.�� ��I can see you are unhappy. Let me talk to the Principal. I��ll tell you on Thursday about the schedule and about how many students to expect,�� said Middle School #1.

After class TES, Middle School #1 VP and Head Teacher #2 go to Namji for �߰���. Mr. Heavy Drinker and Mr. Science Teacher join them. A good time was had by all except for Mr. Heavy Drinker who appeared disappointed that more soju was not forthcoming from the school entertainment budget. The Endless Sheriff is relieved that more soju was not forthcoming. Mr. VP is almost as heavy a drinker as Mr. Heavy Drinker. TES has decided that abstinence, or at least strict moderation, is in order for this school term when he is much busier than before. Bullet #3 is dodged.

Wednesday morning before class TES was sitting at his desk waiting for time to teach. Co-Teacher came over and sat down. She said, ��Bad news. Middle School #2 wants to have a meeting with Head Teacher #1 about borrowing you for two hours a week.�� TES responded with, ��But you said yesterday that plan had died.�� ��That was yesterday. Head Teacher #1 has changed his mind again and says it��s OK to cancel two of your classes here. We need to advertise our high school to get more students to come here.�� The Endless Sheriff, always fairly quick on the draw, said, ��But if you send me to Middle School #1 and Middle School #2, then when Middle School #2 kids enroll, won��t they be disappointed when they arrive to find TES Waygookin Teacher is off recruiting students and doesn��t really teach much at this building?�� ��Good point,�� responded Co-Teacher. ��No one has noticed that yet.�� ��Which of my classes will be cancelled? How about these two extra classes that are filled with the dregs of Grade 2 that no other teacher wants to put up with?�� asks TES, spying a chance to get out of a dead end situation. ��No chance. None of the rest of us want to put up with those jerks. We��ll cancel two of your Grade 1 classes. Those are the easiest for me to teach without you.�� Bullet #2 was not dodged; it just ricocheted off the skull of Head Teacher #1.

[At this point, you may want to jump over to ��The ajumma wouldn��t sit next to me so I pushed her off the����. Or, again, you may not wish to do so.]

The rest of Wednesday was relatively stress free, until 4:20 and time for the one class a week The Endless Sheriff gets to teach the 8 best English speakers in Grades 1 and 2. He went upstairs, got things ready and when the bell rang started looking in the hall for his students. When no one showed he started wandering around the room in little circles, saying, "Where are they this week? Where are they this week?" and happened to look out the window. Outside on the playground were all 116 students in the school, standing in ranks. TES went downstairs to the office to find out what was going on. ��Oh. No class today. The boys are doing community service. They will pick up trash around the school.�� TES thinks to himself, ��Great. Keep the two classes with the local juvenile delinquents who will never need to speak a word of English in their lives and cancel yet again the one class a week with boys who might get into a college. So they can pick up trash.��

Thursday wasn��t bad for The Endless Sheriff, but he was starting to really look forward to the weekend. At Middle School #1 he was told that a) Elementary School #2 would not be sending any students, b) Saturday classes would be regular schedule: two 40 minute sessions with both groups and c) the school will pay for 4 hours of teaching for 160 minutes of work. TES said he felt pretty good about that. Several more bullets dodged but he was losing count of just how many bullets there are in this six gun.

During the morning on Friday Co-Teacher said there was no word from Head Teacher about Middle School #2—it��s still hanging fire. At 2 o��clock TES was sitting at his desk waiting for the last class of the week--with the juvenile delinquents. He was organizing some master copies for Saturday��s English Camp. The phone rang. He went over to answer it. It was Middle School #1. ��We have a problem. Elementary School #2 has changed their mind. They want to send over all their kids tomorrow morning. We need to advertise our middle school. If we don��t get enough students, the government will close our school. Can you cooperate?�� TES has heard this story before, but TES��s guilt meter and stress meter fought it out for a minute, then TES repeated that this was not the deal they had agreed to. Middle School #1 said, ��I��ll talk to the other people here. I��ll call you back.�� The Endless Sheriff went back to his desk, sweating bullets.

About a half hour later, Middle School #1 showed up at the door. They go upstairs to a quiet room. The VP begs. The VP pleads. A compromise is reached. Middle School #1��s vice principal will teach the elementary kids and TES will ��help��. In return TES will only teach 120 minutes for 4 hours pay. Winged, but it shouldn��t be mortal.

5:10 finally arrives and The Endless Sheriff can go home, ending an endless week. He gets in the car and decides he��s too tired to cook anything although he��s had two unexpected lunches sprung on him this week and been out for supper twice. A good home-cooked meal would hit the spot, but there is just no energy. Drained. Where��s the quietest place to eat? Mexicana Chicken. They never have any customers.

So TES drives down to that end of town. His usual parking spot is taken. Grrr. He drives around the block (actually a triangle) and finally parks in a new spot. He gets out, locks it, and takes his book in to Mexicana Chicken. He orders and starts to read. And relax a little. Oh, crap! The Endless Sheriff��s nose has started running. He��s caught a cold. Must be all the up and down stress of the week finally catching up with him, he thinks. The Mexicana Chicken Ajumma brings the wings and legs over. TES tries to be sociable and ask how her son likes his 4th rate university, but he can��t think of the words. He says he doesn��t remember ordering the second bottle of soju. He does remember finishing it though. In record time. The Endless Sheriff thinks, ��Hmmm, this is not a good sign. Teaching on the first day of a cold is misery. Suicide would be less painful than teaching with a hangover. We need to think some more about self-defeating behavior tomorrow when the mind clears.��

He goes outside and walks to his usual parking place: the car is not there! (Why The Endless Sheriff was thinking about driving after drinking two bottles of soju was not explained. He is normally a good citizen.) Turns around and walks all the way around the triangular block and waves at Mexicana Chicken Ajumma on the way by. The car is nowhere. He also drops in to a supah and buys more soju in case he wants another drink when he gets home. (!) A second trip around the block is made on the theory that he is drunk and probably spaced off at just the key moment. A second wave to the Mexicana Chicken Ajumma as he passes her window. He also made a second stop in at the supah to pick up the book he had left there when he bought the soju on the first trip around the block. The third time around the block the Mexicana Chicken Ajumma waves him over and asks, ��Why the heck are you walking around and around this block?�� The Sheriff is an honest sort. He says, ��Car opsiyo��.

She says, ��Hmmm. Wait here�� and goes inside. A minute or so later she comes out and fetches him back to the front of Mexicana Chicken (TES had kind of wandered off a little, vaguely looking for his missing car.) She stands there. TES stands there. Looks up at the sky. Looks down at the street. Looks up the street. Looks down the street. Looks at Mexicana Chicken Ajumma. Nothing. Then a police car pulled up. ��Holy crap! Did The Endless Sheriff do something like pee on a middle school kid or something?�� He doesn��t remember. The policeman gets out and asks what the problem is. The Endless Sheriff is not intimidated by a blue uniform. The Endless Sheriff knows he is a way-gook saram and invulnerable. So he tells him his car is missing. He parked it over there, gesturing to the next street over with very eloquent body language, but the car is opsiyo. Policeman says, ��Hmmm�� and gets back in the car and drives off. Mexicana Chicken Ajumma continues to stand there. TES continues to stand there, thinking, ��That was odd. Mexicana Chicken Ajumma must have called him.�� Looks at the sky a little more. Looks down at the rocks in the street again. Kicks a rock. Nods to a couple of ajosshis who walk by. Tries to think in Korean. Tries to remember how to say, ��And how does your son like his 4th rate university?�� Very few Korean words come to mind.

The nice policeman comes back and parks his car in front of Mexicana Chicken. Gets out. Walks over to The Endless Sheriff and takes his hand. The Endless Sheriff thinks, ��Skinship is not a bad thing, but do they have a drunk tank in this town?�� The official policeman walks down twenty feet or so, leading The Endless Sheriff by the hand, and points across the street. ��Is that your car?�� he asks. ��Why yes it is, thank you, officer.��

To answer your question, yes, the Endless Sheriff did manage to drive home and did make it to Middle School #1 on Saturday morning. He did get through his first ever Saturday class and did manage to stay awake and reasonably sociable during the ����� lunch with Middle School #1 Vice Principal, wife and two small sons and Middle School #1 Head Teacher and mixed doubles tennis partner. He did manage to make it home and collapse into bed for 15 hours sleep for the first time in his life. Sneezing and coughing, he did manage to make it to work on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday when he was finally mortally shot by Head Teacher #1: Middle School #2 does get to have the dubious benefit of TES��s skills once a week for two hours: 22 students and 25 students, not 100.

The moral of this story: A little stress can stimulate creativity. Too much stress (and two bottles of soju) leads to very very drunk waygookin teachers wandering the streets of small Korean towns at night looking for where they parked their car, all the while futilely hoping to god that Immigration will enforce its Two Workplaces Is Enough For Anyone Rule.

Sad addendum: The 'good news' turned sour. The classes at Middle School #2 will be during regular teaching time, as are the classes at Middle School #1, but The Endless Sheriff will only be paid W20,000 to walk up the street 5 minutes and teach two classes, unlike at Middle School #1 where he is paid W20,000 a class to teach during regular teaching time.