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coffeeman
Joined: 24 Nov 2005
Location: Korea
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 Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:31 am Post subject: Have You Made Many Korean Friends? |
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| I don't know about you, but I have found it very hard to make any real Korean friends (I've been here almost 2 years). Seems like most of them just want to hang around with me to practise their English. Call me paranoid, but it feels like most people here want my time, but aren't interested in a real freindship. How have your experiences been? |
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Corporal
Joined: 25 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:42 am Post subject: |
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I am lucky enough to have a few amazing friends here whose English, as it happens, is either perfect or nonexistent. I think that is key in getting rid of the folks who are only trying to improve theirs.  |
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xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:58 am Post subject: |
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| I make lots of friends here. The only problem is that they tend to move around a lot. They will live in one place for 6 months and then move across the country. |
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SuperHero
Joined: 10 Dec 2003
Location: Superhero Hideout
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 8:21 am Post subject: |
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| used to have several Korean friends but we drifted apart and now I, for some inexplicable reason, only hang out with other foreigners. |
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jay-shi
Joined: 09 May 2004
Location: On tour
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 8:27 am Post subject: |
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| I think you also need to define "friend". After a little over 2 years here, I know a lot of Koreans. Most of whom I would categorize as acquaintances. Not that they aren't great people to hang around with and that I don't enjoy their company. Real friends though, that I could count on for anything and vice-versa, I can count on the fingers of one hand. Then again, I could say the same about the number of waygookin friends I have here as well, or friends back home for that matter. I am not a very needy person socially and I guess I believe in quality over quantity as far as friendships go. My Korean friends remind me that there are some truly amazing people here. |
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ekim
Joined: 27 Apr 2006
Location: Ansan, Korea
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 8:33 am Post subject: korean friends |
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I THINK I have some Korean friends, but we've drifted apart a lot too. I think them wanting to drink soju late into the weeknight and me sleeping in too much afterward and losing a part time has hurt our soju-based relationship. We also met playing basketball, and before winter played ball almost everyday together and drank afterwards. Winter's been a slow season, since it's almost impossible to get a place to play, and I've been laying off the soju, too.
That said, I think I got a few genuine friendships there, but they're Korean and I'm Western, so we will always have different expectations of a friendship. I'll never call them "hyung" and won't accept being talked down to. I'm probably too loud and boisterous for them sometimes, voicing my opinions, like, "dump the bi$$", too often. Jokingly or not, I think our friendship is genuine, yet, unique, and probably never will be a top priority in any of our lives. |
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kangnam mafioso
Joined: 27 Jan 2003
Location: Teheranno
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:01 pm Post subject: |
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| jay-shi wrote: |
| I think you also need to define "friend". After a little over 2 years here, I know a lot of Koreans. Most of whom I would categorize as acquaintances. Not that they aren't great people to hang around with and that I don't enjoy their company. Real friends though, that I could count on for anything and vice-versa, I can count on the fingers of one hand. Then again, I could say the same about the number of waygookin friends I have here as well, or friends back home for that matter. I am not a very needy person socially and I guess I believe in quality over quantity as far as friendships go. My Korean friends remind me that there are some truly amazing people here. |
i think you hit the nail on the head. koreans have a different conceptualization of "friendship" and "love" than we do in the west. nothing wrong with that, but it does lead to some confusion. no sense in trying to explain it here -- you could write a book about it, and i'm not an expert, but it's worth noting.
during my first 2 years in korea, i managed to meet some pretty cool koreans, both men and women, but i will say that my relationship with them was different from that with my western "mates," and not necessarily in a bad way. just different.
like the kerouac avatar, btw; just finished reading "lonesome traveler." good stuff! |
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cubanlord
Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Location: In Japan!
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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Double post
Last edited by cubanlord on Fri Apr 28, 2006 3:01 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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cubanlord
Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Location: In Japan!
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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| kangnam mafioso wrote: |
| jay-shi wrote: |
| I think you also need to define "friend". After a little over 2 years here, I know a lot of Koreans. Most of whom I would categorize as acquaintances. Not that they aren't great people to hang around with and that I don't enjoy their company. Real friends though, that I could count on for anything and vice-versa, I can count on the fingers of one hand. Then again, I could say the same about the number of waygookin friends I have here as well, or friends back home for that matter. I am not a very needy person socially and I guess I believe in quality over quantity as far as friendships go. My Korean friends remind me that there are some truly amazing people here. |
i think you hit the nail on the head. koreans have a different conceptualization of "friendship" and "love" than we do in the west. nothing wrong with that, but it does lead to some confusion. no sense in trying to explain it here -- you could write a book about it, and i'm not an expert, but it's worth noting.
during my first 2 years in korea, i managed to meet some pretty cool koreans, both men and women, but i will say that my relationship with them was different from that with my western "mates," and not necessarily in a bad way. just different.
like the kerouac avatar, btw; just finished reading "lonesome traveler." good stuff! |
Very true. Most Koreans want you for the commodity that they so yearn for. I have been here 2 years, and can say that I am friends with 3 total Koreans (two a husband and wife; the other a teacher at our school). It's hard man. Once you get into the rythm, you'll be able to quickly weed-out, from the get go, who wants you for the English practice and who wants you for you.
Let's face it, in life, friendship is a figurehead for the ever so horrendous question, "what can I get from you?" Wait a minute. Just think about it. You want to become friends with the dude at your work why? Because you are lonely? You want someone to hang out with? You want.... See what I mean? There is NO relationship on Earth that can be justified as one party not seeking out something. Everything in life is give and take; you have to find the right balance. |
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Roch
Joined: 24 Apr 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 3:49 pm Post subject: |
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| cubanlord wrote: |
| kangnam mafioso wrote: |
| jay-shi wrote: |
| I think you also need to define "friend". After a little over 2 years here, I know a lot of Koreans. Most of whom I would categorize as acquaintances. Not that they aren't great people to hang around with and that I don't enjoy their company. Real friends though, that I could count on for anything and vice-versa, I can count on the fingers of one hand. Then again, I could say the same about the number of waygookin friends I have here as well, or friends back home for that matter. I am not a very needy person socially and I guess I believe in quality over quantity as far as friendships go. My Korean friends remind me that there are some truly amazing people here. |
i think you hit the nail on the head. koreans have a different conceptualization of "friendship" and "love" than we do in the west. nothing wrong with that, but it does lead to some confusion. no sense in trying to explain it here -- you could write a book about it, and i'm not an expert, but it's worth noting.
during my first 2 years in korea, i managed to meet some pretty cool koreans, both men and women, but i will say that my relationship with them was different from that with my western "mates," and not necessarily in a bad way. just different.
like the kerouac avatar, btw; just finished reading "lonesome traveler." good stuff! |
Very true. Most Koreans want you for the commodity that they so yearn for. I have been here 2 years, and can say that I am friends with 3 total Koreans (two a husband and wife; the other a teacher at our school). It's hard man. Once you get into the rythm, you'll be able to quickly weed-out, from the get go, who wants you for the English practice and who wants you for you.
Let's face it, in life, friendship is a figurehead for the ever so horrendous question, "what can I get from you?" Wait a minute. Just think about it. You want to become friends with the dude at your work why? Because you are lonely? You want someone to hang out with? You want.... See what I mean? There is NO relationship on Earth that can be justified as one party not seeking out something. Everything in life is give and take; you have to find the right balance. |
My fellow Floridian:
True friendship means people who have developed affectionate feelings for one another after meeting over a common interest. It's the same as brothers: You hang with one another for a sufficiently long enough period of time and you'll be like brothers -dig?
Greek Philosophy - Socratic to Aristotelian - differentiates between Sexual Love (Eros) and Friendship or Brotherly/Sisterly Love (Agape). True friends share Agape feelings toward one another and are, said Plato and Aristotle, the better for it, etc.
Roch
Destin, Fl. |
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xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| There is NO relationship on Earth that can be justified as one party not seeking out something. Everything in life is give and take; you have to find the right balance. |
All relationships are based on mutual reciprocity. If one side is too needy or not giving enough in return then the relationship will falter and that goes for BF/GF, husband/wife arrangements also. I have tons of acquaintences but very few true friends. I would describe a true friend as one that would help me in times of trouble and not expect or want anything in return and the gesture would hold true reciprocally as well. |
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Zark
Joined: 12 May 2003
Location: Phuket, Thailand: Look into my eyes . . .
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with Jay-shi.
We may all have quite different ideas about friendship.
I am quite slow to make friends and also - as someone mentioned before - can count the number of good friends I have on one hand (and that is after 54 years).
After living overseas in five countries since 1989 - I find I am even more careful about making friends as so many are not really what they first present themselves as being - foreigner or local.
But, the friends I do have are and will be life long friends. And they are people I can trust with my money, wife, family, and anything else. I wouldn't consider someone a friend unless I could leave my wallet on the coffee table unsupervised for a couple hours. So, perhaps my criteria is a bit strict . . .
So . . . those are the reasons I didn't make a lot of friends in Korea - or anywhere else. But, it doesn't worry me at all - the friends I do have are golden! |
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coffeeman
Joined: 24 Nov 2005
Location: Korea
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Cubanlord, I agree with you on the point that give and take is an important part of a friendship. That was kinda my point exactly. I've met a lot of Koreans that spend time with me on false pretenses (friendship), but when I ask them for some of their time, they seem to always be busy with something. They're happy to spend time with you when it benefits them, but won't give you any time when it benefits you. These people consume your time and feel no shame about it. |
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Real Reality
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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| coffeeman wrote: |
| ... I've met a lot of Koreans that spend time with me on false pretenses (friendship), but when I ask them for some of their time, they seem to always be busy with something. They're happy to spend time with you when it benefits them, but won't give you any time when it benefits you. These people consume your time and feel no shame about it. |
Korean society makes a sharp distinction between an individual's inner circle of family, friends and business colleagues, and outsiders. Members of the inner circle must always be treated with absolute respect and courtesy, while strangers are treated with indifference. Korean society is not egalitarian: a person's status is strictly defined in relation to others. How do foreigners fit into this scheme? The simple answer is they don't.... you should not expect to be accepted as a member of a Korean's inner circle.
Consular Affairs Bureau, Canadian Embassy
http://www.voyage.gc.ca/main/pubs/korea-en.asp#Cultural
Foreigners Experience Difficulties in Living in Korea
"Even though Korea has achieved some degree of globalization in going abroad, it has still a long way to go for globalization in embracing foreigners inward," said foreigners residing in Korea.
by Jae-Dong Yu and Soo-Jung Shin, Donga.com (July 4, 2004)
http://english.donga.com/srv/service.php3?biid=2004070522448
A Society that Spares Greetings
Professor Han said that due to the "rushing modernization," referring to a mad dash to accomplish one's goals such as attaining social success, Korean society is seriously lacking in consideration of other people.
by Yi-Young Cho and Soo-Jung Shin, Donga.com (January 7, 2005)
http://english.donga.com/srv/service.php3?biid=2005010857368
Foreigners Excluded From Korean Sites
By Kim Tae-gyu, Korea Times (June 20, 2005)
http://times.hankooki.com/lpage/tech/200506/kt2005062017334312350.htm |
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joyfulgirl
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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| i don't think i've met any koreans who "spend time with me on false pretenses." my coworkers are nice, and fun to have a beer with now and then, but just acquantinces. i've really liked a few of my friend's girlfriends...but, again, just acquantinces, despite the drunken statements of 'i love you! you're my best friend!' ha . i felt pretty close to one korean coworker, but he got all jesus-y, and changed a bit..less fun, and more judgemental...but, still a warm lovely person who i'm sure would give me the shirt off his back. it's rare to make a true friend...you're lucky if you have 2 or 3. |
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