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Xerxes
Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Location: Down a certain (rabbit) hole, apparently
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 Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:46 pm Post subject: Marriage Counseling (K-wives)--The Docta be IN!! |
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I have been married for more than 10 years to a native and have gone though every possible cultural misunderstanding, miscommunication, family guffaws, woman-won��t-talk-to-me-and-tell-me-what's-wrong event to last a good life time, but we are still married and we are actually now in good understanding of each other.
If you too would like to reach this ZEN moment, shoot me a question, or comment, and I will try my best. |
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Dan The Chainsawman
Joined: 05 May 2005
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 1:34 am Post subject: |
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No matter how much I try to force myself to just say it I just can't bring myself to tell my K-wife that I want a divorce.
We have been married for 6 months and I already hate her with a passion.
Would it be easier to just dump her in the han river? |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:37 am Post subject: |
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| Dan The Chainsawman wrote: |
No matter how much I try to force myself to just say it I just can't bring myself to tell my K-wife that I want a divorce.
We have been married for 6 months and I already hate her with a passion.
Would it be easier to just dump her in the han river? |
Dan, you are not serious!
No, you can't be.. not with that horrific Barney avatar....... |
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chiaa
Joined: 23 Aug 2003
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:44 am Post subject: |
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| tzechuk wrote: |
| Dan The Chainsawman wrote: |
No matter how much I try to force myself to just say it I just can't bring myself to tell my K-wife that I want a divorce.
We have been married for 6 months and I already hate her with a passion.
Would it be easier to just dump her in the han river? |
Dan, you are not serious!
No, you can't be.. not with that horrific Barney avatar....... |
Like he is married... |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:50 am Post subject: |
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| chiaa wrote: |
| tzechuk wrote: |
| Dan The Chainsawman wrote: |
No matter how much I try to force myself to just say it I just can't bring myself to tell my K-wife that I want a divorce.
We have been married for 6 months and I already hate her with a passion.
Would it be easier to just dump her in the han river? |
Dan, you are not serious!
No, you can't be.. not with that horrific Barney avatar....... |
Like he is married... |
Dang! Dan!  |
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Xerxes
Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Location: Down a certain (rabbit) hole, apparently
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:05 am Post subject: |
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| Dan The Chainsawman wrote: |
No matter how much I try to force myself to just say it I just can't bring myself to tell my K-wife that I want a divorce.
We have been married for 6 months and I already hate her with a passion.
Would it be easier to just dump her in the han river? |
Well, people have gotten divorces faster than you in Korea, even among K to K marriages. I felt the same way too at the beginning of my marriage (although not specifically divorce, but felt that I wanted to shoot her, often  ).
The difficulty is not necessarily the woman or even me, but the cultural difference AND both of us NOT realizing that the verbal conflict and initial aversion are due to JUST cultural differences.
I know it is difficult, and I agree that you want to shoot her too, but I can tell you that if your hunch about her being a good person initially was right and that you make good judgments about character (usually), then she is the right person. But, you both don't know that yet.
I CAN say that it gets better with time. (I had the most conflict with my wanting some alone time to read the papers, or a book, or just to go to the book store by myself, and she took that as me being petulant or not liking her company. Alone time is a Western thing, I'm convinced, because she seems oblivious to the idea.) Sacrifices and understanding and talking it out again and again and having patience are the key to any relationship. Good friends don't always make the best roommates, and love does not always result in good spouses. But, they can.
With effort. But more for the cross cultural situations. You must know now that it is going to be twice as hard for anything than for other couples.
(God, I sound like that bald, Dr. Phil, dude!  ) |
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skconqueror
Joined: 31 Jul 2005
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:06 am Post subject: |
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| I think he is just angry that his parents wont return his phone calls. |
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Xerxes
Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Location: Down a certain (rabbit) hole, apparently
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:06 am Post subject: |
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| Crap! I wrote all that for you just jawing me??? |
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Captain Corea
Joined: 28 Feb 2005
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:35 am Post subject: |
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| Maybe take this to the Korean Spouse forum? |
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SuperFly
Joined: 09 Jul 2003
Location: In the doghouse
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:58 am Post subject: |
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We've been married for seven years. She's an ex-Kumdo ROK national champ. She beats me. Even when I'm a good dog. I live in fear for my life and I can't surf internet porn like I did when I was single.
Help me father xerxes!
father xerxes! father xerxes!, father xerxes!
xerxes xerxes xerxes
xerxes xerxes, oh oh oh xerxes
Wun-wun-wun-wun-wunderbar, wunderbar
Wun-wun-wun-wun-wunderbar, wunderbar... |
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Xerxes
Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Location: Down a certain (rabbit) hole, apparently
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:07 am Post subject: |
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| SuperFly wrote: |
| We've been married for seven years. She's an ex-Kumdo ROK national champ. She beats me. Even when I'm a good dog. I live in fear for my life and I can't surf internet porn like I did when I was single. Help me father xerxes! |
People love being complemented and here is a way to do just that and get what you want: less beating and more porn!
In this most serious case, let her have it her way AND your way, for example. Tell her how good she looks in tight rubber suits, when she does her Kumdo, in various stages of undress. The beatings will take on whole new meaning for you, bad dog, but you will still have your bone and *beep* it too.
(I ain't Catholic for you to call me that title, and this ain't a bone , good dog. Sit Ubu, sit.) |
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itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:05 am Post subject: |
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| Do you think you will last distant? or do you feel a divorce coming on? |
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Xerxes
Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Location: Down a certain (rabbit) hole, apparently
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:25 am Post subject: |
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| itaewonguy wrote: |
| Do you think you will last distant? or do you feel a divorce coming on? |
I appreciate your attempt to counsel me, or doctor the doctor, as it were, but, no.
I think we passed the biggest of the bumps in the road, and we have a mutual understanding: She knows that I have no dissatisfactions about her and that my motives are for the bettering of our family (she used to think that I was a lazy dog or a selfish mutt--wanting to go off by myself to bookstores or reading a paper not noticing that the baby needed something). I, too, understand that she will not change and be more patient (typical Korean go, go, go or pal-ee, pal-ee attitude), but I don't take her impatience personally, as I used to.
Cultural differences, both of them.
The great thing about marrying a K-girl (I suppose any girl) is that when I do see her in the light of the way I saw her when I married her, I see an exotic, sexy girl that I would never be able to get up the guts or the verbage to give it a go to meet her at the first. I think that we are stronger now then we ever were (we certainly fight less, a lot less).
And, less is good.
edit: just some minor fixes. |
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itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 7:41 am Post subject: |
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| Xerxes wrote: |
| itaewonguy wrote: |
| Do you think you will last distant? or do you feel a divorce coming on? |
I appreciate your attempt to counsel me, or doctor the doctor, as it were, but, no.
I think we passed the biggest of the bumps in the road, and we have a mutual understanding: She knows that I have no dissatisfactions about her and that my motives are for the bettering of our family (she used to think that I was a lazy dog or a selfish mutt--wanting to go off by myself to bookstores or reading a paper not noticing that the baby needed something). I, too, understand that she will not change and be more patient (typical Korean go, go, go or pal-ee, pal-ee attitude), but I don't take her impatience personally, as I used to.
Cultural differences, both of them.
The great thing about marrying a K-girl (I suppose any girl) is that when I do see her in the light of the way I saw her when I married her, I see an exotic, sexy girl that I would never be able to get up the guts or the verbage to give it a go to meet her at the first. I think that we are stronger now then we ever were (we certainly fight less, a lot less).
And, less is good.
edit: just some minor fixes. |
but you can find another korean girl who is also exotic, sexy etc..
im not trying to judge you in anyway..
but how about this..
If you didnt have a child do you think you would still be married? |
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caniff
Joined: 03 Feb 2004
Location: All over the map
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 8:02 am Post subject: |
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Xerxes, you have no dissatisfactions with your wife? Zero?
I'm not saying she's not perfect, because I obviously don't know her, but ZERO?!?
I think, before you preach to the masses you need to come down from heaven.
There! I said it!
Are you angry? |
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