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Down-Under
Joined: 24 Jan 2006
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 Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 2:31 am Post subject: Most important thing in a relationship? |
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A take off from the "Ask a female" thread.
What's the most important thing that makes a relationship work? I'm sure that gals and guys have different views. The "love" bit is basic--however, from what I've noticed that is not all that holds things together... and believing that it is all that is required is silly... so, what makes you feel happy in your relationship? And for those who aren't in one currently, what would make you happy? |
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Satori
Joined: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Above it all
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 2:58 am Post subject: |
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| This is the conclusion that I have come to. All this talk of "working on the relationship" is misleading new age nonsense. I simply believe that people do not change! And thinking you can change someone is a recipe for disaster. Thats why you should take a good long time together before you get married. Get to know the person, and decide if you like them as they are or not! Thinking "Well, he's 80% there and I can mould him into the perfect man" is just totally bogus! I believe two people either get on well, or they don't, and that's it! |
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crazykiwi
Joined: 07 Jun 2003
Location: new zealand via daejeon
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 3:44 am Post subject: |
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One word (or two, maybe>?)
BLOWJOBS! |
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tiger fancini
Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Location: Testicles for Eyes
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 4:28 am Post subject: |
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| crazykiwi wrote: |
BLOWJOBS! |
Both parties must be prepared to give head |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:13 am Post subject: |
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The only kind of relationship I'm comfortable with is one which is undeclared. Any sort of "official" pronouncement of "boyfriend and girlfriend", future plans with each other, commitment, and the like won't work for me.
As you can probably guess, I've never had a meaningful relationship. Three months was max, and it was stifling.
It would take a fiercely independent, completely self-satisfied woman to woo me into a relationship of any etxracasualness. Unfortunately, there aren't too many out there like that.
Q. |
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hermes.trismegistus
Joined: 08 Sep 2005
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 8:01 am Post subject: |
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Since all emotion roots in fear, emotional love (psychologically defined as a greed for affection and the fear of losing the return of that affection) cannot sustain a healthy relationship.
I rely upon a unified principle of Yoga to sustain my relationship. Sustainable relationships seem to entail completion, harmony, respect and dissolution.
| Satori wrote: |
| I simply believe that people do not change! |
Of course people change.
You1 =! You2 =! You3, etc.
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| I'm a million different people from one day to the next. |
I agree with the premise, but not the semantics.
Namaste. |
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Satori
Joined: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Above it all
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 10:37 am Post subject: |
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| hermes.trismegistus wrote: |
| Since all emotion roots in fear |
Well, stop right there. If that's your premise then it's back to the drawing board for you old son.
I could pick your post apart and try to help you learn something. But I've seen you post enough now, so that I can probably offer you the most help by condensing it all down to one statement...
Everything you think you know is wrong. Start again from scratch.
I know that sounds horribly arrogant, but it's true. And if you take my advice, you'll thank me for it one day. |
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VanIslander
Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 2:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Satori wrote: |
| hermes.trismegistus wrote: |
| Since all emotion roots in fear |
Well, stop right there. If that's your premise then it's back to the drawing board for you old son. |
 You think instead it's love? You show a complete lack of it. Except maybe under the guise of "tough love" from a stranger. Riiiiigggghhhhttttt. You must have tons of healthy relationships. Let's ask your friends what the one thing you demonstrate is!
Condescension and hypocrisy are not solid foundations for a relationship, both of which you've demonstrated above.
Of course, neither is spite or sarcasm. Opps. |
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Satori
Joined: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Above it all
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 4:16 pm Post subject: |
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| VanIslander wrote: |
| Satori wrote: |
| hermes.trismegistus wrote: |
| Since all emotion roots in fear |
Well, stop right there. If that's your premise then it's back to the drawing board for you old son. |
You think instead it's love? You show a complete lack of it. Except maybe under the guise of "tough love" from a stranger. Riiiiigggghhhhttttt. You must have tons of healthy relationships. Let's ask your friends what the one thing you demonstrate is!
Condescension and hypocrisy are not solid foundations for a relationship, both of which you've demonstrated above.
Of course, neither is spite or sarcasm. Opps. |
1) No I don't think all emotion roots in "love" either. What gave you that idea?
2) Im not, nor would I ever want to be, in a relationship with Hermes.
3) You don't like my style, which is fine, but should it make you, in your own words, spiteful? Condescenscion, yes, Hermes styles just invites it. Hypocrisy, how?
4) Hermes is a big boy and can probably defend himself quite well. That is, in fact, what Im prodding him to do. He writes things that he knows very well appear quite ridiculous, and appears to believe them sincerely, yet provides in most cases absolutley no explanation or support for his statements. This to me makes him an attention *beep*, and I enjoy picking on him, and it's my firm belief that he enjoys me picking on him too. We may seem perverse to you, but don't be so hasty to try to break up our unnatural love-making... |
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VanIslander
Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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all relationships need to be mutually enjoyable? perhaps that's it.
| Satori wrote: |
| ...I enjoy picking on him, and it's my firm belief that he enjoys me picking on him too... |
whatever floats your boat |
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Bulsajo
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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Funny how all the single guys are dispensing advice in this thread...
If I can't say "love" as per the OP's instructions, I guess I'll have to settle for "luck" as the key. 
I think it's mutual respect, reciprocity, that sort of thing.
Very mundane and not sexy at all, I'm afraid. |
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crazylemongirl
Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Location: almost there...
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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Hmmm very difficult question to answer.
1. Making sure both parties are aware of the 'type' of relationship it is and are able to give the right level of commitment. Nothing worse than falling in love with a phuckbuddy or vice versa. That always ends in tears. Likewise 'open relationships' where one side isn't cool with it, but says so rather than lose the poerson. Or long term monogammy where one person cheats.
2. Having something that makes you want to hang around eachother.
Of course, as someone who avoids relationships because I'm bad at them, take this advice with a huuuuuuuuge grian of salt!
Last edited by crazylemongirl on Mon May 08, 2006 7:26 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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hermes.trismegistus
Joined: 08 Sep 2005
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Satori wrote: |
| Well, stop right there. If that's your premise then it's back to the drawing board for you old son. |
Well, I'd love to see you refute transactional and interpersonal psychology. I'd love to see you refute Yogananda and Yukteswar. I'd love to see you refute the hermeticists and alchemists. I'd love to see you refute the cognitive scientists.
Since Leary's Interpersonal Diagnosis of Personality was used as the standard diagnostic method for decades (only to be supplemented by additional archetypes), why don't you start your refutation there?
It shall have to be quite the marvelous refutation, for sure!
All emotion roots in fear. We can trace the patterns with fMRI. Altruistic Unity, a Yogic cosmological dissolution, does not have similar patterns in resonance imaging. Emotional love has a similar imaging pattern as all the other emotions. Yogas do not produce similar imaging patterns. They do not rely on emotion. Essentially, emotional love and Yoga "light up different parts of the brain".
I suppose you could argue from the M/B perspective that the T should never eclipse the F, but in the end the F draws us down while the T drives us forward. To be certain, a balance of T and F catalyzes individuation, which was Jung's whole purpose (as discussed in Aspects of the Feminine and Aspects of the Masculine).
| Satori wrote: |
| Everything you think you know is wrong. Start again from scratch. |
I test my models in the laboratory of life. I form my models on the basis of cross-referencing and reading. I gain feedback through my blog and publisher, enhancing the intelligence agency.
Everything everyone knows is wrong.
I see that you haven't made your way to general semantics yet either... And yet you still seem to think your models superior, when you lack exposure to their alternatives... that seems rather hubristic.
| Satori wrote: |
| He writes things that he knows very well appear quite ridiculous, and appears to believe them sincerely, yet provides in most cases absolutley no explanation or support for his statements. |
Actually, a cursory search through my comments will clearly show that I have embued my comments with literally dozens of references. I do not coddle. I provide keys, but I will not walk you through Chapel Perilous. Your ability to comprehend does not factor into my actions.
Action without lust for results.
Namaste. |
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hermes.trismegistus
Joined: 08 Sep 2005
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Bulsajo wrote: |
| Funny how all the single guys are dispensing advice in this thread... |
I'm pleasantly engaged. 
We even met while teaching ESL in Formosa. Rare to find a well-read introspective tantrik partner in Asia, but it happens. She's Canadian, but I try not to hold that against her.
Namaste. |
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canuckistan
Mod Team
Joined: 17 Jun 2003
Location: Training future GS competitors.....
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:51 pm Post subject: |
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Good humour and a short memory  |
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