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vicious cycle...is it only me??
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demianamar



Joined: 08 Sep 2005

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:22 pm    Post subject: vicious cycle...is it only me?? Reply with quote

I'm just wondering, how many of you out there feel like there's a perpetual cycle of "I hate this country" "I've adapted it's ok" "I love it and can stay here a while longer" "I hate this country".....

Same goes for the job. I don't have that much longer to go, and do believe I've adapted as best as one can and better then I'd hoped.

But once in a while it REALLY gets to me that I can't communicate with my co-workers and that despite getting the daily 'don't mess with me' face on for my dealings outside work, (such as at the gym when nasty old men p@#@ me off) some things/people just get under my skin. Thus putting the cycle into motion.

p.s. as you can guess, I'm annoyed with my co-workers and I REALLY had to vent, so....I can honestly say that, to anyone new reading this, eventually, the good days out weigh the bad...I just want my question anwered:)
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rapier



Joined: 16 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeap. It goes like that with me too.
I suppose you have to make a proper effort to cut out the bad bits and enlarge the good bits.
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Dev



Joined: 18 Apr 2006

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's been said by many that Korean culture is one of the most difficult ones to understand. On one hand, Koreans have all these inflexable sophisticated rules about how to treat older people at the dinner table. It's even in the language. But once you're outside on the street, there are no rules. How the foreigner fits in makes this puzzle all the more confusing. Some Koreans give you the VIP treatment. Others treat you as invisible 'cause they don't know how to tackle the job of dealing with a foreigner.

I think it takes years of living here to understand the culture before you can truly appreciate it. Your mood swings are the result of your frustration of trying to make sense of a culture that doesn't appear to make sense. I hear you, brother!
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ilovebdt



Joined: 03 Jun 2005
Location: Nr Seoul

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are not the only one.

I went through, go through, the same thing. The first semester at my job I hated it, but now I am looking to stay another year.

As long as the good times continue to outweigh the bad times then I am happy. Should that change, well you won't see me for dust!

Ilovebdt
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Dan The Chainsawman



Joined: 05 May 2005

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am in the midst of my annual I hate Korea I wanna go home right now swing. For me it is the onset of summer that nearly breaks me. Last year being my first year I kept reminding myself of all the stuff I could be doing at home with my family. This year I find myself doing the exact same thing!
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Newbie



Joined: 07 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not only you. I'd say for about 3 weeks a month I'm content here. Then, some ajumma does something ajumma-ish and I hate the whole country for a week.
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krats1976



Joined: 14 May 2003

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:05 am    Post subject: Re: vicious cycle...is it only me?? Reply with quote

demianamar wrote:
I'm just wondering, how many of you out there feel like there's a perpetual cycle of "I hate this country" "I've adapted it's ok" "I love it and can stay here a while longer" "I hate this country".....

Same goes for the job. I don't have that much longer to go, and do believe I've adapted as best as one can and better then I'd hoped.


I have a fantastic job that I absolutely love... and I still go through these swings. I'm on the upswing of the "I hate this country" part of the loop right now, probably because I know I'm getting out of it for awhile soon. That big bag of American junk food my friend gave me last week might be helping a bit too. Laughing
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JongnoGuru



Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:18 am    Post subject: Re: vicious cycle...is it only me?? Reply with quote

demianamar wrote:
I'm just wondering, how many of you out there feel like there's a perpetual cycle of "I hate this country" "I've adapted it's ok" "I love it and can stay here a while longer" "I hate this country".....

Same goes for the job. I don't have that much longer to go, and do believe I've adapted as best as one can and better then I'd hoped.

But once in a while it REALLY gets to me that I can't communicate with my co-workers and that despite getting the daily 'don't mess with me' face on for my dealings outside work, (such as at the gym when nasty old men p@#@ me off) some things/people just get under my skin. Thus putting the cycle into motion.

p.s. as you can guess, I'm annoyed with my co-workers and I REALLY had to vent, so....I can honestly say that, to anyone new reading this, eventually, the good days out weigh the bad...I just want my question anwered:)

Not just you.

If time in country has anything to do with it, I've gone through the cycle probably more than anybody else. So, what can I tell you? The "this place sux @ss in no uncertain terms! Evil or Very Mad " phase of the cycle will generally become less frequent (though not always less intense) over time. I'd say after two years you'll begin to make various changes in how you operate here. You might change employers, move house, find new friends, and generally learn as you go how to anticipate and cope with the problems. Focusing on long-term goals can help distract you from the day-to-day run-ins with Korea, and when things really start going your way (usually means a good job where you feel respected & rewarded) you feel more grounded and not as easily knocked for a loop by some dumb/rude stranger.

Regular (at least annual) trips out and trips home -- somewhere that reminds you Korea is not, in fact, the belly-button of the whole universe -- can help you find your bearings again and even improve the complexion of Korea.

Korea's a fairly easy ride, but don't interpret not liking/getting along in Korea with stubbornness or inflexibility or some fatal flaw on your part, particularly if this is the first time you've lived abroad. I don't think I would have lasted here very long were Korea my one & only experience with international living.

Umm... well, just that. BTW, what's this "nasty old men at the gym" who piss you off? What does that mean?
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demianamar



Joined: 08 Sep 2005

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to know I'm not the only one! AND, that venting on Dave's seems to have done the trick! I think the "I hate Korea" phase today was triggered by a very aggravating co-teacher who thinks she knows how to speak English, but I beg to differ....STRONGLY! She acts so superior and all I want to yell is "we're BOTH teachers! And if you think I'm getting an easy ride, let me tell you....!!"........but of course I fake a smile and walk away from any and all conversations with her annoyed and confused.

As to the what do I mean about the "nasty old Korean men at the gym". Well, like everyone says, the younger Koreans are cool. They really have no qualms with a foreign girl at the gym. But there's a couple of nasty middle-aged men who can't seem to stop staring and ending up on every freggin' machine next to me no matter how many times I purposely move away from them. I'm just going to try to avoid the after work crowd and pick another time suitable for me. It bothers me that I have to do that though.

Smile thanks for the support people!!
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riley



Joined: 08 Feb 2003
Location: where creditors can find me

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

For the gym, get a spritz bottle and "accidently" spritz them with water if they get too close.

Or just fart a lot. It works for me. Very Happy
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Homer
Guest




PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not so much a cycle in my case. More of a day here and there when certain things annoy me...well lets just call them bad days and I had them back home too but for different reasons.

I think we all have these cycles or bad days wherever we live but that the stuff that triggers those cycles or bad days just changes from place to place.
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VanIslander



Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:30 am    Post subject: Re: vicious cycle...is it only me?? Reply with quote

demianamar wrote:
I'm just wondering, how many of you out there feel like there's a perpetual cycle of "I hate this country" "I've adapted it's ok" "I love it and can stay here a while longer" "I hate this country".....

If you're talking about 'Dave's ESL Cafe Korean Forums' rather than 'this country' I'd concur completely.

Korea itself and the locals and foreigners I meet in person are a decent lot. What I read about Koreans and other waygook online is another matter!
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rapier



Joined: 16 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I find the popularity tough.
Seriously..being in a new estate/city area and the first foreigner at my school is a continual ride of having lots of attention. Its well-meaning but can get a bit much. just walking down the street you have to be ready for a lot of shouted greetings and waves..and all those people wanting to be your friend and meet up..

Talking of negativity though..sometimes korea is just too full of unexpected surprises and situations out of the blue, that you just would never face in the west. it can be like being in the ring..wears you down sometimes.
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Ya-ta Boy



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: Established in 1994

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My take on it is that most days I can handle the stress of living/functioning in a foreign culture. I smile/bite my tongue, whatever, when someone bumps into me one too many times on the street, when my schedule gets changed with no notice, when one government official gives me one answer and another one gives me a different answer...when someone I like and respect starts telling me he sees ghosts in his dreams and takes it seriously....

At some point, usually late in the week when I'm tired, something happens that wouldn't bother me so much right after a nap, but something happens (Joseph Heller wrote a whole book about it) that just pushes me over the edge.

Those 'experiences' are what I call culture shock. I think time in-country is irrelevant.[/quote]
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VanIslander



Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!

PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 11:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

a or b ?

(a) you expect it to be like back home

so inconvenient and puzzling differences are met with anger and frustration

(b) you expect it to be nothing like back home

so inconveniences and oddities are just par for the course, generating head-shaking laughter and shoulder shrugs
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