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Mr. BlackCat

Joined: 30 Nov 2005 Location: Insert witty remark HERE
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:32 am Post subject: Going to kill my roommate with empty beer bottle |
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I bought some big pitchers of Hite last weekend for an out of town getaway. I had three (3!) left over and carried them home all by myself. No problem there, though. My roommate made fun of me for caring so much about them. Hey, 15$ is 15$. You'll feel stupid next weekend when you have to go to the 7/11 and I reach for my nice cold pitcher.
So Friday night comes (right now) after a tough week. Go to grab one and watch my Daily Show and Colbert. First one feels light. Oh, there's only a quarter left in it. And it was left on its side, so its flat now. OK, no biggie. Grab #2. Also feels light. Has 10% in it, also flat. Interesting.
#3 looks full! ASSA! Happily plop on the couch. But what's this? It's already been opened and just left to...you guessed it, go flat.
Why? Oh, why cruel world?
So I guess my question is: How many years do you think I would get for beating my roommate to death with an empty beer bottle?
Also, while you're chewing on that, I'd like to hear any other tragic roomie stories. I've been mostly lucky in my life, but now I live with someone who finds it difficult to aknowledge the existance of anyone else on this planet. I want to cause him pain.
That probably sounds meaner than necessary, but I'm the one downing flat Hite, alright? |
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flotsam
Joined: 28 Mar 2006
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:42 am Post subject: Re: Going to kill my roommate with empty beer bottle |
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Chum:
Mr. BlackCat wrote: |
I bought some big pitchers of Hite last weekend for an out of town getaway. I had three (3!) left over and carried them home all by myself. No problem there, though. My roommate made fun of me for caring so much about them. Hey, 15$ is 15$. You'll feel stupid next weekend when you have to go to the 7/11 and I reach for my nice cold pitcher.
So Friday night comes (right now) after a tough week. Go to grab one and watch my Daily Show and Colbert. First one feels light. Oh, there's only a quarter left in it. And it was left on its side, so its flat now. OK, no biggie. Grab #2. Also feels light. Has 10% in it, also flat. Interesting.
#3 looks full! ASSA! Happily plop on the couch. But what's this? It's already been opened and just left to...you guessed it, go flat.
Why? Oh, why cruel world?
So I guess my question is: How many years do you think I would get for beating my roommate to death with an empty beer bottle?
I've been mostly lucky in my life, but now I live with someone who finds it difficult to aknowledge the existance of anyone else on this planet. I want to cause him pain.
That probably sounds meaner than necessary, but I'm the one downing flat Hite, alright? |
Hook:
Mr. BlackCat wrote: |
Also, while you're chewing on that, I'd like to hear any other tragic roomie stories.
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maggoli
Joined: 21 Nov 2005
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:52 am Post subject: |
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Maybe you should make sure it's one of those plastic bottles...like the spoon in Costner's Robin Hood: "'Cause it'll hurt more!"
Plus, he'll still be conscious enough to run out and buy replacements...  |
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TheFonz

Joined: 01 Dec 2005 Location: North Georgia
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:06 am Post subject: |
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Next week you should bring home some of this stuff and instead urinate in it. Or if this stuff isn't the color of urine find something equally as disgusting. If that doesn't work you could always rub your balls on the lid or do something more distrubing and watch him drink.
This is what going to military school will do to you. At my military school, upperclassman would come around and ask you to do stuff. This one ass would always make my friend go get him ice. One time he urinated in the ice chest then went and got him ice. This same upperclassman would bum cigarettes off my friend. My friend would take the cigarettes and rub them on his ass-hole. All in all if he doesn't get the message at least you can take some joy out of the situation.
My brother had the same problem at his work with people drinking his sprites from the company fridge. So instead of sprite one day he just brought in carbinated water without the sprite additives. He noticed that only a little bit was gone, but he didn't have much of a problem after this incident.
If you really don't like this guy/gal the worst thing you could do is mess with there toothbrush. Anytime I stay in a hotel I know I hide my toothbrush. 
Last edited by TheFonz on Fri May 19, 2006 5:11 am; edited 1 time in total |
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ddeubel

Joined: 20 Jul 2005
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:07 am Post subject: |
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Beer is cheap, roomates (even bad ones) are remembered forever. Buy him some more beer and maybe you can be friends ??????
God knows, some of my best friends I met after smashing in their face with a bottle.....
DD |
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Yo!Chingo

Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Location: Seoul Korea
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:33 am Post subject: |
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Remind him that the toes he steps on today might be attached to the a$$ he has to kiss tomorrow. In other words he might need something from you in the future and his lack of respect for you and your things now might be a consideration. |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Location: Seoul, South Korea
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 6:54 am Post subject: |
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Buy beer in glass bottles because plastic won't mess up his face as bad if you club him with it. |
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maggoli
Joined: 21 Nov 2005
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 7:03 am Post subject: |
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Dude! Not the face! |
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Nowhere Man

Joined: 08 Feb 2004
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 7:14 am Post subject: ... |
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Buy yourself some nice fresh OJ to wake you up in the morning.
Pour out half. Mix in soju. |
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TheFonz

Joined: 01 Dec 2005 Location: North Georgia
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:25 am Post subject: |
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Make sure to post pics when you have done the deed. Hitting someone over the head with a dildo would be more demeaning. Like Lockstock or Grand Theft: San Andres. |
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Natalia
Joined: 10 Mar 2006
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:35 am Post subject: |
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I used to have a roommate who would eat various things - fingernails, toenails, skin off her feet........
Actually, everything about her drove me mad.
We shared a studio apartment (meaning only one room for both of us to sleep, cook, watch TV, well, you get the idea). So it used to piss me off a bit when she got drunk and brought random guys home at 2am. Sometimes I would get home from work and she would already have someone there, lights off, going at it full steam. I had the choice of doing my best not to listen or spending the night sitting in the bathroom (and no, joining in was not an option).
She basically decided on day one we would never get our (very big) bond back. She managed to destroy the wall in a few places; she got drunk, jumped on her bed and broke it; left an iron face down on the floor while she ate her breakfast.....................
That was five years ago. Even Korean accommodation is an enormous step up from my living standards then. I visited her in her new apartment last year, and she has not changed one bit. |
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TheFonz

Joined: 01 Dec 2005 Location: North Georgia
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:44 am Post subject: |
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Natalia wrote:
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I visited her in her new apartment last year, and she has not changed one bit. |
Wow, your still on speaking terms. I admire your patience.
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She basically decided on day one we would never get our (very big) bond back |
I am guessing you knew her beforehand?
My first roomate and I got along well enough, but he would stay on freakin AOL all the time. He would turn the volume up so in the early morning I would hear that Bwing!! He was in a long-distance relationship and I constantly heard about his drama. Girlfriend cheating blah blah blah. Besides what I mentioned I had it pretty good. At least he was clean and respected my stuff. |
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Natalia
Joined: 10 Mar 2006
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:51 am Post subject: |
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TheFonz wrote: |
Natalia wrote:
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I visited her in her new apartment last year, and she has not changed one bit. |
Wow, your still on speaking terms. I admire your patience.
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She basically decided on day one we would never get our (very big) bond back |
I am guessing you knew her beforehand?
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Yeah, I knew her beforehand. And I discovered that there are a lot of friends who are great in small doses, and very few who you can see more than a couple of hours a day. I think our decision to rent a place together had something to do with the fact we were from the same country, living in another country.
I'm not really on speaking terms now. I saw her in Novemeber - the first time in a year.
I went to visit her while I was on holiday in the city she now lives in. We went to a pub, had one drink, and then she said she had to go because she wanted to watch television.
I think that was the last time I will ever see her. |
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TheFonz

Joined: 01 Dec 2005 Location: North Georgia
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 9:05 am Post subject: |
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Natalia wrote:
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We went to a pub, had one drink, and then she said she had to go because she wanted to watch television.
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How selfish and rude. Im sorry your company isn't as important as my desire to watch television. She seems like one of those people I occasionally run into at the bar back home. Trying to have a conversation is futile because It is like talking to a wall. I often thought of breaking into the conversation with, "I'm sorry you were saying something, I was too busy thinking about what I was about to say." |
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Corporal

Joined: 25 Jan 2003
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 9:17 am Post subject: |
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You're probably quite nice, but in her defense, I'd also rather watch TV than hang out with many a foreigner I've met here--I'm not sure that alone is grounds for weirdness...  |
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