Korean Job Discussion Forums

[seoulsucker]

Maybe it's just me, but these kind of questions don't come up for at least a couple of months.

Take it easy, slow it down, and don't think so long term. It's possible she's sniffed out your...um, zeal and is simply trying to cool your jets by being coy.

[RACETRAITOR]

It takes everybody a little while to warm to the idea of dating someone from a different race. For one thing we smell a little different to them and it takes Korean girls a little while to get used to it. Patience is required while they get accustomed to the idea. If a girl jumps right into that sort of thing, I'd assume she's probably gone around the room a few times.

[Junior]

She holds all the power. This is why I prefer western women over here.

think about it. You go out. She has to do all the ordering, arrangements and take care of you because you're in her country and can't function 100% in korea. She introduces you to her friends. you're outnumbered, and she'll keep you in the dark about everything she doesn't want you to know. Simply by speaking korean. She's probably hot, so she'l dress up like a suermodel while tantalising you with her standoffishness. At some point you're supposed to be a man and force the physical side a little. thats how its done here, although you don't know that.
In fact there are 101 other signals and cultural expectations unique to Korea. You don't know them, and she's not going to help you out. Why? Because Koreans assume we're the same as they are. it doesn't really occur to them that we think and act differently to their cultural norms. so, when you mess up and cause unintended offence, she'll suddenly stop answering her phone. There will be no explanation, because K-women aren't expressive. They don't communicate.
maybe in a few years you will have them properly figured out. But it takes time and theres a lot of BS before you do. So don't get your hopes up.

[Yu_Bum_suk]

[Qinella]

Dude, two dates and you're trying to get all intimate? That's probably uncomfortable for most women who aren't loose, Korean or not.

If she's a serious gal, and not looking to just fool around but have a relationship, I can see how you were taking things too fast. A lot of Korean couples take things really slowly. I've seen some couples who are still using polite speech with each other and doing the whole formality giggle-when-I-say-something-to-soften-it schtick.

I'd suggest slowing it down. Let her have her space.

[itaewonguy]

[mindmetoo]

[Satori]

[Corporal]

[Qinella]

One of my favorite things in life is when people claim to be speaking for an entire group, or better yet, all of humanity, in order to imply some sort of validity or force to their vapid opinions.

Thanks for the smile.

[bpocock]

OK, in my defense, I was never intending to be a letch. I wasn't aware that holding hands was groping. And, I never would have made the presumption of just grabbing her hand or anything, just for fear of screwing it up. She initiated all contact. When she started doing it I assumed it was okay for me to initiate it in return. It's when she suddenly shifts gears on me that I can't tell what's happening.

Also, I should have been more clear about the amount of contact. We've only been on three (I know I said two before, I forgot about seeing the Da Vinci Code-she was very friendly in the theater as well. Holding my hand, leaning in to me, putting her hand on my leg, etc. etc.) actual dates. I see her several times a week, however. She runs a bar and I go in and just sit and talk. When the bar is busy, she's less social, but I've got no problems with that. When it's slow, like tonight, she'll sit on the other side, talk, lean in, let her legs brush mine, brush my cheek with her hand, whatever. One night she asked me back to her place after closing. We sat for awhile and talked and had tea. So it's not like I've only just met her. I knew her from the bar for about two months and all this has been going on now for about a month by itself.

Now, that being said, I did take some of the advice offered up. I didn't text her today until she sent me a message asking where I was/what I was doing about the time I was finished up with school. I gave a quick reply, and then she asked me if I was coming to see her tonight. I asked in reply if she wanted me to, she told me yes, so I went down.

I avoided all touching while I was there, as per a previous poster's advice. She asked if I was okay, and I told her I think I was going to fast and was going to slow down, and maybe that made her feel better, or maybe it was the whole "hard to get routine", but she seemed to respond well. Once the bar cleared out, she was more more affectionate, even hanging on to me as I helped her take some crates of empty bear bottles out. So it appears to have worked, whatever it was. Or maybe it didn't make any difference and she was feeling more friendly today, who knows.

I'm also not in this just to get laid. I wouldn't be trying so hard if it was just for a quick pay-off. I'm sure I could find it easier somewhere else. Thanks to those who offered constructive advice.

[Tarheel13]

Sarge is right. If you don't know, then don't presume to know. You know what they say about assume. And you don't need to get so offensive with the OP, as if he's done something wrong in not presuming the same BS as you.

[mindmetoo]