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mole
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Act III
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 Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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| desultude wrote: |
| Peter Pan syndrome is when men can't get past the "I don't want to grow up" stage. |
Oh, my. You may have me pegged.  I do my share of household chores and.. stuff.
I think. |
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desultude
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Dangling my toes in the Persian Gulf
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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| cdninkorea wrote: |
| desultude wrote: |
| I read somewhere recently that older men die pretty quickly after their spouses die as compared to women when their spouses die. The hypothesis was that the men had no one to take care of them and dote over them, and couldn't carry on without their wives. Men also remarry more quickly after a divorce or becoming widowed. I think it is a not so secret fact that women are really more independent than men, despite all of our display to the contrary. |
A different theory to explain the fact that men die soon after their wives die, are more susceptible to depression and suicide after divorce, more likely to remarry, etcetera is that women tend to have more friends they can depend on for emotional support (as opposed to a man's drinking buddies to watch sports with).
This allows them to get over deaths and divorces easier than the average man, who, after such a tragedy, finds himself more isolated than the typical woman.
Or so the theory goes; all this being said, I'm no psychologist. |
I agree. I suppose it may be that women's independence is more a broader dependence on family and friends. Whatever it is, I think that it is an issue for your generation of men, because there is the potential for you to live much longer, and with the high divorce rates and lower marriage rates, at least some of you will spend time without a spouse. |
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The Bobster
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 12:40 pm Post subject: |
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When I was in my late 30s, I divorced from a marriage that had kept me out of the market for a decade and a half. I dated women from several age groups, once I was over the trauma enough to be able to do so. I finally decided that, both sexually and emotionally, women under 30 were not worth my effort. They just do not know enough about how either their bodies or their hearts work.
(I also understood, of course, that the same was true for myself at those stages of my life.)
Okay, there. I said it. Flame away. Or not. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 1:17 pm Post subject: |
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| desultude wrote: |
| cdninkorea wrote: |
| desultude wrote: |
| I read somewhere recently that older men die pretty quickly after their spouses die as compared to women when their spouses die. The hypothesis was that the men had no one to take care of them and dote over them, and couldn't carry on without their wives. Men also remarry more quickly after a divorce or becoming widowed. I think it is a not so secret fact that women are really more independent than men, despite all of our display to the contrary. |
A different theory to explain the fact that men die soon after their wives die, are more susceptible to depression and suicide after divorce, more likely to remarry, etcetera is that women tend to have more friends they can depend on for emotional support (as opposed to a man's drinking buddies to watch sports with).
This allows them to get over deaths and divorces easier than the average man, who, after such a tragedy, finds himself more isolated than the typical woman.
Or so the theory goes; all this being said, I'm no psychologist. |
I agree. I suppose it may be that women's independence is more a broader dependence on family and friends. Whatever it is, I think that it is an issue for your generation of men, because there is the potential for you to live much longer, and with the high divorce rates and lower marriage rates, at least some of you will spend time without a spouse. |
You might be interested to know that married men live longer than unmarried men, but unmarried women outlive their married counterparts. Why is this? I shudder to think. |
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Teufelswacht
Joined: 06 Sep 2004
Location: Land Of The Not Quite Right
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 4:11 pm Post subject: Re: Ask a (older) Woman |
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Some questions:
1) As you get older do you find yourself getting more, or less, "spiritual."
2) Do you find yourself thinking more about the past than the future? The other way around? The same for both?
3) Where do you think you'll be, and what will you be doing, when you're 68?
4) In your opinion, what is the best time of life, 20's, 30's, 40's, or 50's? Why?
5) In your opinion, what are some of the pitfalls one should try to avoid in the 40's and 50's?
Sorry, I couldn't think of any questions that involved "shagging" or competing in the "Horizontal Olympics." Maybe later.
Best of luck to you.
Take care.
T |
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peemil
Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Location: Koowoompa
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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What the hell is it with women?
Why? |
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desultude
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Dangling my toes in the Persian Gulf
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:01 pm Post subject: Re: Ask a (older) Woman |
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| Teufelswacht wrote: |
Some questions:
1) As you get older do you find yourself getting more, or less, "spiritual."
2) Do you find yourself thinking more about the past than the future? The other way around? The same for both?
3) Where do you think you'll be, and what will you be doing, when you're 68?
4) In your opinion, what is the best time of life, 20's, 30's, 40's, or 50's? Why?
5) In your opinion, what are some of the pitfalls one should try to avoid in the 40's and 50's?
Sorry, I couldn't think of any questions that involved "shagging" or competing in the "Horizontal Olympics." Maybe later.
Best of luck to you.
Take care.
T |
First, as for spirituality, I have been more or less a Buddhist more or less all of my adult life, but being in Asia makes that a little more pertinent and interesting. I know that older people, sensing their own mortality, sometimes find the need for a God function, but I guess I have come to my own conclusions about mortality, and going to church won't change that.
Jeez, I am not in a rocker yet, and my mind is firmly planted on the present and, too much really, the future.
When I am sixty eight I can only guess where I'll be and what I'll be doing, but I am fairly sure it will be far from Korea.  I hope that I will be spending my time between the States and Southeast Asia, working!
I can't say which decade is the best- maybe I haven't been there yet! Each stage has its plusses and minusses. I wouldn't like to go back to any one over another. But my healthiest was probably my thirties- before I blew out my knees running!
Pitfalls in the 40's and 50's? I can readily think of 2. First, try not to get too wrapped up in the tragedy of your lost youth and glorious fading beauty. I say try, and not too hard, because I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't suffer this a bit; hence the very profitable plastic surgery business.
Second, remember that you are someday going to need to stop working (I am hoping that is a long time from now!) and start thinking and planning now for that eventuality. Nothing is foolproof (a failed business left me pretty badly broke at 53), but it is a good idea to have a plan, and a plan B. I, thankfully, am now executing my plan B.
I have spent a lot of money in my life, as have all of us, but the best spent by far has been that spent on education and travel (a different form of education). For having those, I have been able to pick up the pieces and reconstruct my future after losing my business.
Cheers from Bangkok! |
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periwinkle
Joined: 08 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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| peemil wrote: |
What the hell is it with women?
Why? |
Har har har har~
Desultude, what's your hairstyle like? Do you color your grays? I'm hoping to hear that you have avoided the ajumma perm. I'd bet anything that hairstylists try to push it on you. I figured I'd have a page boy once I'm your age. Or just wear it up all the time, like Katherine Hepburn.... |
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desultude
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Dangling my toes in the Persian Gulf
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 7:34 pm Post subject: |
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| periwinkle wrote: |
| peemil wrote: |
What the hell is it with women?
Why? |
Har har har har~
Desultude, what's your hairstyle like? Do you color your grays? I'm hoping to hear that you have avoided the ajumma perm. I'd bet anything that hairstylists try to push it on you. I figured I'd have a page boy once I'm your age. Or just wear it up all the time, like Katherine Hepburn.... |
Yeah, I finally gave in to color last year. Unfortunately, it does look much better, as I am fair, and the white made me look washed out. Dark hair is better on me. I say white, rather than grey because it is about 50% white and 50% dark- a gift from my father, who, at 88 still has a full head of white hair.
An ajuma perm? Hell, in the summer I have to fight nature from doing that to me- my hair is curly on its own, and I work to keep it straighter. I'm in Bangkok now, and have given in to nature. I got a good cut yesterday (I have been coming to the same stylist in Bangkok for four years) so I have a really short sort of bob, which doesn't look too dorky when the humidity has its way with it.
By the way, and off the topic, the whole population of Korea needs to spend time in Thailand learning how to chill! Bangkok is a huge, dense city, but it seems everyone has the time to smile and be cool. Don't know how they do it- but massages may be one component: Buddhism, another. |
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desultude
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Dangling my toes in the Persian Gulf
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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| The Bobster wrote: |
When I was in my late 30s, I divorced from a marriage that had kept me out of the market for a decade and a half. I dated women from several age groups, once I was over the trauma enough to be able to do so. I finally decided that, both sexually and emotionally, women under 30 were not worth my effort. They just do not know enough about how either their bodies or their hearts work.
(I also understood, of course, that the same was true for myself at those stages of my life.)
Okay, there. I said it. Flame away. Or not. |
The funny thing is, we do develop in the same time pattern (men and women) so if you want someone who understands you and can relate to your stuff, staying at least in the same decade makes real sense.
I like young men, but in terms of a serious relationship, well, it would just not be possible. And this has nothing to do with desire, just as desire has not as much as most people think it does to do with long term compatability.
The paper here in Bangkok today has two stories from over the weekend about older western men meeting their demise over relationships with young Thai women. It may look like an attractive fantasy, but fantasies seldom end well in reality.
But, Bobster, things do seem to be going well for you, right? |
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cdninkorea
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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| desultude wrote: |
| By the way, and off the topic, the whole population of Korea needs to spend time in Thailand learning how to chill! Bangkok is a huge, dense city, but it seems everyone has the time to smile and be cool. Don't know how they do it- but massages may be one component: Buddhism, another. |
(boldface mine)
Don't Koreans get 'massages' all the time at those 'massage parlors'?
There was even a thread about those barber shop poles a few months ago, but I did a search for it on Google and couldn't find it. Anyone? |
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Yu_Bum_suk
Joined: 25 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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| What age group of men do older women have sexual fantasies about? Do they typically fantasise they're with someone their own age, men in their physical prime, teen idols, older guys, all of the above - which? |
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desultude
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Dangling my toes in the Persian Gulf
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| cdninkorea wrote: |
| desultude wrote: |
| By the way, and off the topic, the whole population of Korea needs to spend time in Thailand learning how to chill! Bangkok is a huge, dense city, but it seems everyone has the time to smile and be cool. Don't know how they do it- but massages may be one component: Buddhism, another. |
(boldface mine)
Don't Koreans get 'massages' all the time at those 'massage parlors'?
There was even a thread about those barber shop poles a few months ago, but I did a search for it on Google and couldn't find it. Anyone? |
I have had Korean "sports massage" at a chiropractor's office, and it is a pretty brutal business. Like much else, Koreans take massage far too seriously. I suspect it is the same intense purposefulness when it comes to sexual massage.
I'm not a Korea basher- there is much I like and will miss, but "laid back" is not a term I would use to describe many Koreans! |
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periwinkle
Joined: 08 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Since you're in Thailand, why do you think homosexuality is so permissive in Thailand? I figured it's 'cuz Thais don't care what other people get up to. I wonder what the percentage is of heterosexual men to homosexual men in Thailand.... |
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The Bobster
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 6:32 am Post subject: |
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| desultude wrote: |
| But, Bobster, things do seem to be going well for you, right? |
Never been better. Wouldn't trade this time of life for a younger body, not unless I could bring along the brain and memories I have right now ... and the love life, just fine - again, the best I've experienced so far, in case you were wondering ...  |
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