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jajdude
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
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 Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 8:46 pm Post subject: oxymorons and contradictions |
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Oxymorons and Contradictions
Most likely these are borrowed from Steven Wright and similar comedians. They're not all that funny.
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON(R), how do they make TEFLON(R) stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in my past life. |
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captain planet
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| why post an unfunny cut-an paste? |
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drumpounder
Joined: 20 Jun 2006
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| Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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| captain planet wrote: |
| why post an unfunny cut-an paste? |
It isn't the first time that has been done, besides, I think his/her heart was in the right place.
An oxymoron...military intelligence
or for those Canucks out there who remember...Progressive Conservative |
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jajdude
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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| captain planet wrote: |
| why post an unfunny cut-an paste? |
I dunno, just bored I guess. Not funny, but maybe someone will get a laugh somewhere. |
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captain planet
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 11:28 pm Post subject: |
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| no man, i was pointing out another contradiction. |
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captain planet
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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| anyway, stephen wright is actually creative... some people are afraid of heights, i'm afraid of widths. stuff like that. |
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Woland
Joined: 10 May 2006
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 1:44 am Post subject: Re: oxymorons and contradictions |
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| jajdude wrote: |
Oxymorons and Contradictions
Most likely these are borrowed from Steven Wright and similar comedians. They're not all that funny.
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? |
True story:
I lived many years in Chicago without a driver's license (not saying if I drove or not; will say I never got jury duty). I went one day to the local liquor store to buy some beer and because of some police crackdown got carded. Of course, I had nothing with a date on me. The guy knew I was legal, but was following rules. So, I went home, got my passport and returned. The clerk looked at it, opened it up, looked at me suspiciously and asked, "Don't ya gotta license?"
If you can't be funny, be true, jajdude. |
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Sina qua non
Joined: 20 Jun 2006
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| Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 1:47 am Post subject: |
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| captain planet wrote: |
| stephen wright is actually creative |
Yeah, his jokes are great.
Comedians are great, people like Robin Williams, Chris Rock, and then back in the day, Eddie Murphy, and then Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby before him.
They all really look at life in an original way. They talk about things (like illogical things that we all pretend are logical even though we know they aren't) that people, a lot of times, are afraid to talk about, things like Chris Rock talking about not making guns illegal, but rather charging enormous prices for individual bullets in order to reduce people shooting others.
The absurd comics are especially like this, people like Steve Martin and, nowadays, Will Ferrell. A friend told me that Steve Martin earned a degree in philosophy. I developed a deeper respect for his comedy after I learned that. |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 2:59 am Post subject: Re: oxymorons and contradictions |
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| jajdude wrote: |
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
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You know, I was just thinking about that the other day... I was teaching body parts and plurals (not that I was teaching b*easts and bra) and it got me thinking... so we have trousers, knickers, gloves... but we have two b*easts, so how come bra is singular?
Anyway......... |
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