Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Missile Command Kid]

My wife, two kids, and I arrived in Daegu about two weeks ago and I'm loving it. My employer is great, my coworkers are great, the kids at school are great, and I'm having the time of my life. My wife, on the other hand, isn't doing so well. I work from 3pm to 9:30pm, not including travel time, and she's still feeling a bit overwhelmed by the move. The fact that she'd have to take the kids with her wherever she wants to go is also stressful for her, and as a woman she feels uncomfortable just taking off and exploring the city by herself (her words, not mine). We both think she's got a rather bad case of culture shock, as she's really missing her friends, her family, her car, etc.

She'd really like to learn Korean so that she can interface with the city a bit easier, but we really don't have any idea as to how we could go about doing this. So, does anybody know of any women's groups here in the city that are accessible, friendly, and would welcome a mom with two small kids? Anybody have any advice at all that would be helpful? It's a bit of an ordeal to go anywhere with our kids in the first place, being that our two year old is extremely active and can be cranky, and our nine month old is also extremely sensitive and needy. I generally do all the shopping myself, heading out to E-Mart or Costco as needed, simply because my wife feels intimidated by the entire process of taking the subway and taking a taxi back with all sorts of stuff.

She's an absolutely wonderful woman and in Canada was extremely independent, but as I said, she thinks she's suffering from culture shock and she doesn't have a landline to Daegu like I do with my school. I just want what's best for her, and can't bear the thought of her feeling like she's in jail any time I'm out of the house. Any advice would be very appreciated. Thanks!

[Corporal]

Wife's ethnicity is....?

Two weeks....it's a bit early for culture shock, isn't it? Anyway if she stays home all day with the kids while you work, naturally she's going to get a bit antsy. I'd recommend you guys find a church to go to, not for the religious factor but because they are great places to start networking.

PM coming your way in a minute.

[Missile Command Kid]

We're both Canadian. Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed that that was a given! We'd love to find a church, quite frankly. Went to Daegu Faith International last Sunday; are there any other English-speaking churches in the city?

[the eye]

Agreed it is too early for culture shock to set in. For the first few months or so, newcomers are usually in 'seek and enjoy' mode....but that's not everyone, obviously.
I think the thing NOT to do, is resign to staying at home instead of getting out and doing things like shopping and exploring the city. Shutting yourself in will only make future attempts to aclimate that much more difficult.

At the very least, since your wife is home, why not learn the language. That alone will make things much easier for her, and give her a sense of confidence.

[ajuma]

Maybe this will help her find someone to connect with?

http://www.thedaeguguide.com/main.htm

[the eye]

and this....
http://english.daegu.go.kr/

[adverge]

I'm a woman in Daegu as well. Please tell your wife that Daegu is a relatively safe city. I avoid dark alleys like I would at home, but wandering around during the day or evening gives me no feelings of misgiving or worry whatsoever.

The people in my building leave their bikes unlocked at the bottom of the stairs, with an open entrance. After I got used to that I realised that crime is not a major worry.

[EFLtrainer]

[kermo]

Ideas on how to learn the language? Learning how to write the language is surprisingly easy, and I just read a book called "Survival Korean" which apparently makes it even easier. It's by Stephen Revere, and it's the most fun I've had with a Korean textbook so far. End of infomercial.

[ThePoet]

Firstly, if she wants to learn the language, there are classes on Saturday morning at the YMCA downtown. They start at 10:00 AM...and why don't YOU take the kids and let her get out by herself for a while on days and mornings when you are not working. Of course she doesn't want to have to go out all the time if she has to take the kids in tow.

Secondly, if she is also a native English speaker, there should be opportunities for her to meet and possibly tutor ajummas. ladies in their 40's are always looking for female tutors in the mornings/afternoons..and it actually becomes more of a hen party than teaching. A few 20 - 30 something female english teachers I know also do that. They get around the no-visa issues by meeting for lunch and always getting their lunches paid for and gifts and such. Much more difficult for a male teacher because husbands do not want their wives spending time with a male foreigner a couple times a week. The best place to meet these ajjumas is at a church.

Hope that helps.

Poet

[justagirl]

I had a hard time my entire first month. I think I was in Korea for almost 4 weeks before this thought came to my head, "You know, this isn't so bad." It was the first day I'd truly had a fun day and enjoyed myself.

It was my own choice to go to Korea, and I hadn't even realized I was having a hard time adjusting until I had that revelation on my way home from Seoul one evening.

Give your wife some time--everyone is different and the thought of an entire year may just be overwhelming for her right now. I think you're so thoughtful in your consideration of her, and trying to find ways to connect her to other people so she feels more comfortable in Korea.

Best wishes for your family!
justagirl

[jlb]

What about inviting some people (co-workers or some people at Church) or something over to your house for a meal? This is assuming of course that your wife likes to do that kind of thing and it wouldn't be so stressful.

A nice night hanging out with some people at my house makes me feel like I'm back in Canada.

Have you decorated your apartment and made it feel homey? That can help a lot. My first time here in Korea, I made no effort with my apartment and I didn't really like spending time at home. This time I got internet, got some color up on the walls, have a nice rocking chair and a few plants so it makes me happy to relax at home. She probably spends a lot of time at home so having a nice place can make a big difference.

[Corporal]

[khyber]

this may sound silly but maybe your wife has some cabin fever...
Definately suggest that she goes for DAILY walks with the kids around the neighborhood. Korean neighbourhoods are not dangerous (except with the cars) and can be really interesting to walk around.

[EFLtrainer]