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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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ajgeddes
Joined: 28 Apr 2004
Location: Yongsan
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 Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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| I've never cheated, but I have thought about it. I feel really guilty before I even do things, so that keeps me on track. |
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billybrobby
Joined: 09 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:08 pm Post subject: |
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| djsmnc wrote: |
I have cheated...a few times!
I'm not married, and once you break up, the relationship has no meaning anyway |
good. finally somebody's answering with what we want to hear.
I've cheated too. What I'd like to know is if anybody has cheated for a long long time and never gotten caught. I always got caught pretty quick. |
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tiger fancini
Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Location: Testicles for Eyes
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| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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| I've cheated a few times. The shocking thing was, I always expected to feel more guilty than I actually did after the event. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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| billybrobby wrote: |
| djsmnc wrote: |
I have cheated...a few times!
I'm not married, and once you break up, the relationship has no meaning anyway |
good. finally somebody's answering with what we want to hear.
I've cheated too. What I'd like to know is if anybody has cheated for a long long time and never gotten caught. I always got caught pretty quick. |
Yeah, God bless us sinners, one & all. So where was my "high-five" when I confessed way back on page... well, way back there. Huh?
You want to know if anyone has cheated for a long, long time & never gotten caught? I think that question is best directed not at us carte-blanche single gents, but at the married dudes. I'm sure you'll get some interesting responses from ____ and _____ and _______, and other posters like them.
As for me, having been caught before and hating it, I just made the painful decision to be honest with women from then on. Now the assumption, and my full expectation at that time, was that this would immediately reduce by 90% the women who'd want anything to do with me. It hasn't been that bad, however. Bear in mind that other than Japan, this is the only country I've ever lived where I've been asked by girls after the first time we had sex, "Guru, can I ask you something? How many girlfriends do you have?" (And no, I don't mean loose chicks one picks up at clubs.) The first time I heard it (in Japan) I was amazed and hardly knew how to answer. After that, whenever I hear it I say, "Ten. And they're all better than you", and then... tickle them or do some other silly thing.
But it's almost getting to the point these days that that's a fair question for a guy to ask Korean girls. Of course such a question would still probably get you slapped, but if some were honest, the numbers might surprise us. Or not surprise us. 
Last edited by JongnoGuru on Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:37 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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periwinkle
Joined: 08 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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| JongnoGuru wrote: |
Oh yes. I didn't vote in this purely scientific and dispassionate quest for knowledge. I've cheated. And I bet I'm the only person on Dave's who has. 
But Flotsam, I think the OP is a girl. |
Don't feel bad, guru, you're not alone!
I cheated 'cuz I was trying to break up with someone, and he wouldn't let me (ever see that Seinfeld episode where George couldn't break up because his g/f wouldn't let him? Kind of like that~). Anyway, I got whatever bad karma was coming to me (the guy I cheated with eventually killed my little dog in a rage) 
I had a boyfriend cheat on me, too- I knew about that because I found out he knocked the 'ho up, so I guess he got his karma, too (I was going to put sugar in his gas tank until I found out he was being saddled with yet another child to support).. Funny thing is is that he had grown up in a large Mormon family, and his father would constantly send missionaries to his "lost" son's house to try to make him rejoin the fold. They always came around when I was doing pilates/ jumping rope, and I'd answer the door all sweaty in short shorts and a sports bra. The look on their faces was always priceless~ |
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cdninkorea
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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| JongnoGuru wrote: |
| But it's almost getting to the point these days that that's a fair question for a guy to ask Korean girls. Of course such a question would still probably get you slapped, but if some were honest, the numbers might surprise us. Or not surprise us. |
Wow, I've never even thought of asking any girl I'm dating if they have other boyfriends- after all, if they have me, why would they want anyone else?
Seriously though, it's never occured to me to ask something like that. But if you wanted to avoid getting slapped, you could try asking it in a non-deadpan, half-serious way. |
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tiger fancini
Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Location: Testicles for Eyes
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| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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| periwinkle wrote: |
Anyway, I got whatever bad karma was coming to me (the guy I cheated with eventually killed my little dog in a rage)
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 What a *beep*! Why punish the dog?
I was never caught, and am hoping nothing karma-like comes my way. Like djsmnc I am also not/never was married, and while I acknowledge it as being a pretty deceitful thing to do, now it seems pretty unimportant as I'm no longer with the girl I cheated on. As far as doing it again goes,
I'd like to say that I wouldn't, but I can't as I always used to say that I wouldn't before I actually did. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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| I wouldn't ask someone "Do you have any other girlfriends?" because I'd never expect to hear the truth. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 12:27 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
| I wouldn't ask someone "Do you have any other girlfriends?" because I'd never expect to hear the truth. |
Never? Even if they said, "Yes, several", you wouldn't believe that? Does your skepticism apply to a specific group of men (Western men in Asia, all men in Asia, Western men anywhere) or to the entire species? I think most guys aren't going to lie, if for no other reason that most guys don't have multiple girlfriends and thus have nothing to hide. Maybe you don't want to phrase it that way, but isn't it still a question you're going to want answered? How are you going to find out? Hunches and body language?
| periwinkle wrote: |
| I cheated 'cuz I was trying to break up with someone, and he wouldn't let me (ever see that Seinfeld episode where George couldn't break up because his g/f wouldn't let him? Kind of like that~). |
My first (and last) experience of cheating on a Western girl sounds like yours. For the first two years I couldn't imagine life without her. Then I couldn't bear life with her, and I'd probably still be there or more likely dead from stress if I hadn't found some way out. Cheating saved my life. 
Last edited by JongnoGuru on Tue Oct 10, 2006 2:58 am; edited 1 time in total |
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The Lemon
Joined: 11 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 12:46 am Post subject: |
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| tiger fancini wrote: |
| I've cheated a few times. The shocking thing was, I always expected to feel more guilty than I actually did after the event. |
So how about the situation I once found myself in many years go where I cheated on a girlfriend, felt guilty, and then after breaking up soon after, I found out she had cheated on me near the end as I had done to her?
Should I still have felt guilty? Did it make what I did right and me less of a creep just because - as it turned out - she was doing it too? I decided I'm not very good at guilt, and have never made the same mistake.
Ah well. It was the early 90s. Learning experience. |
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peemil
Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Location: Koowoompa
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| Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 2:59 am Post subject: |
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| Never. It can never be excused. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 3:37 am Post subject: |
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| JongnoGuru wrote: |
| kermo wrote: |
| I wouldn't ask someone "Do you have any other girlfriends?" because I'd never expect to hear the truth. |
Never? Even if they said, "Yes, several", you wouldn't believe that? Does your skepticism apply to a specific group of men (Western men in Asia, all men in Asia, Western men anywhere) or to the entire species? I think most guys aren't going to lie, if for no other reason that most guys don't have multiple girlfriends and thus have nothing to hide. Maybe you don't want to phrase it that way, but isn't it still a question you're going to want answered? How are you going to find out? Hunches and body language? |
If they said "several" they could be telling the truth, kidding me, or lying for the sake of looking sought-after.
If they said "nobody else" they could be telling the truth, or covering up other pursuits.
The way to find out, I suppose is to get to know him and what his values/priorities are, and get familiar with his lifestyle, friends, etc. I guess none of this would happen until we got serious, but if we weren't serious, it wouldn't really matter about other ladies. |
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djsmnc
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
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| Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:59 am Post subject: |
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You know, it's kind of funny if you look at it from a Judeo Christian religious perspective. If you're dating someone, and presumably sleeping with that person, you're fornicating anyway. Therefore, if you sleep with someone else, you're only adding to your dirty list of sins, which is the same thing you did when you fornicated with your original partner in the first place. Therefore, you aren't really cheating on anyone, except yourself, because you are sinning against yourself. Your first partner has also been doing that with you, though maybe not with another person like you are. So basically, that person comes out as less guilty, but you'll both be going to the same hell anyway if you don't atone for your sins. If your partner never asks "Have you been sleeping with someone else," therefore not requiring you to lie, then you aren't any more guilty than that person is, because you haven't lied to him/her.
Thus, unless you've solemnly sworn to dedicate your life to one person, i.e. through marriage, legal testimony, or verbal commitment, you aren't doing anything wrong, since rules about fornication aren't so clear in many religious texts, and if your partner is fornicating with you, he/she can't hold you responsible for not sleeping with others unless he/she demands that you don't do it and you agree. If you are atheist or believe in a religion that isn't concerned about this, it shouldn't matter anyway.
Don't hit me with any of that "That's just wrong" crap unless you have a profound moral argument that proves my theory as misguided or false. |
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billybrobby
Joined: 09 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:44 am Post subject: |
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| i'm a believer in utilitarianism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utilitarianism_%28book%29) so I think that cheating is usually wrong in that it can cause a great of unhappiness for everybody involved. but i don't follow some facile simple rules about cheating. it's very hard to say what will make people happy and unhappy and what won't make a difference. there have definitely been times when i cheated and it really hurt some people so i do regret those. other times it wasn't really a big deal. |
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Satori
Joined: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Above it all
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| Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:21 am Post subject: |
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| djsmnc wrote: |
You know, it's kind of funny if you look at it from a Judeo Christian religious perspective. If you're dating someone, and presumably sleeping with that person, you're fornicating anyway. Therefore, if you sleep with someone else, you're only adding to your dirty list of sins, which is the same thing you did when you fornicated with your original partner in the first place. Therefore, you aren't really cheating on anyone, except yourself, because you are sinning against yourself. Your first partner has also been doing that with you, though maybe not with another person like you are. So basically, that person comes out as less guilty, but you'll both be going to the same hell anyway if you don't atone for your sins. If your partner never asks "Have you been sleeping with someone else," therefore not requiring you to lie, then you aren't any more guilty than that person is, because you haven't lied to him/her.
Thus, unless you've solemnly sworn to dedicate your life to one person, i.e. through marriage, legal testimony, or verbal commitment, you aren't doing anything wrong, since rules about fornication aren't so clear in many religious texts, and if your partner is fornicating with you, he/she can't hold you responsible for not sleeping with others unless he/she demands that you don't do it and you agree. If you are atheist or believe in a religion that isn't concerned about this, it shouldn't matter anyway.
Don't hit me with any of that "That's just wrong" crap unless you have a profound moral argument that proves my theory as misguided or false. |
The only other person I've heard use the word "fornicate" seriously was Mike Tyson. It seems to be his prefered term for copulatory relations... |
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