Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Wangja]

[Wangja]

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.

A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.

When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"

He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."

[Wangja]

Breakfast treat

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She turns and says, "You've got to make love to me --this very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken"[/img]

[Wangja]

Not a joke, but well worth a look ...

http://www.break.com/index/stop_motion_piano_and_drums.html

[Wangja]

Looks like hubbie came home early ....

[Wangja]

Graham Poll gets some help .....

[Wangja]

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a Jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting omeone else to hold them while you chop away.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning after, you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. [/img]

[Wangja]

Bin readin' 'Digest again


High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your Cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.

Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.

A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with whom you disagree.

Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair.

At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. Brilliant!

HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

[Big_Bird]

Looks like you've been pouring over some old Viz magazines Wanja. Liked the 'egg timer' gag by the way - bloody stupid but f***ing funny!

[Bulsajo]

An old retired American couple were visiting Israel when the wife suddenly expired in Jerusalem.
At the funeral home where the body was brought, the director informed the widower that he had two choices- he could have a his wife buried in a local cemetary for $800, or he could have her body flown back to the States for $9000.
The widower thought for a few moments, and then said with deliberate certainty "I'd like her body flown home, please."

"Are you certain?" asked the director. "After all, there is a great discrepancy between these prices, the cemetary here is quite lovely, and after all this IS the holy land of the bible, what Christian wouldn't want to be buried here?"

The widower replied "2000 years ago a man was buried here, and 3 days later rose up from the the dead- I can't afford to take the chance!"

[Big_Bird]

Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says...and vanishes.

[Bulsajo]

The top ten times in history when using the "F" word was appropriate:

10 - "What the *&%# was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima - August 1945
9 - "Where did all the *&%#ing Indians come from?" - Custer 1877
8 - "Any *&%#ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein 1938
7 - "It does SO *&%#ing look like her!" - Picasso 1926
6 - "How the *&%# did you work that out?" - Pythagoras 126 BC
5 - "You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo 1566
4 - "I don't suppose it's gonna *&%#ing rain..." - Joan of ARC 1434
3 - "Scattered *&%#ing showers...my ass!" - Noah 314 BC
2 - "I need this parade like I need a *&%#ing hole in the head!" - JFK
1963



and....drumroll.....

1 - "Aw c'mon, who the *&%# is going to find out? - Bill Clinton 1997

[Wangja]

This is for all you ladies 30 years and over... And for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...AND for men who are scared of girls over 30!!!!

This was a monologue by Andy Rooney from the CBS show, 60 Minutes Andy Rooney said:


As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.


A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in whom she is,what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.


Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.


Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.


A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.



Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.


Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.


A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.


Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.


Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have wonder where you stand with her.


Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.

[Wangja]

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy B s tard)

SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be pplying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:
�150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:
Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a cr * p job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big t * ts and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock!***

[Bulsajo]

Re: Andy Roney & women over 30.
Andy's obviously never been to a 50% sale at the Lotte Dept Store...