Korean Job Discussion Forums

[ScottyG]

Just thought I'd get some feedback on a piece I'm writing for a local rag. All events and characters may or may not be the product of fiction:

The Master-Diver


Yet again, I have recently exited the stormy weather (with the odd day of mixed sun and cloud) of an internet romance. Short. Semi-sweet. And, for what it was worth, probably not worth it. Because now, I am left with somewhat sleepless nights, where nagging questions suddenly enter one�s nagging mind as one tries to adjusts one�s pillow in order to get some sleep.

Why did she say I was "too much like a Korean"? What the hell made her think I wanted to hear the story about how she got stood up in a restaurant by a Canadian guy...who was only looking for sex (and who had made it clear before they met).... and who after asking her to watch a movie at his place... and after her saying it wasn't a good idea, left her high and dry to pay the bill while he made an escape by saying he had to go and use the bank machine? Too much information. And you slept with me on the first date because I was special? You pretty much led me to my own bed through the drunken haze of alcohol that you forced down my own throat. Probably from all that "Sex and the City" you watch and talk far too much about. The show should be banned. And not just from Chinese television. You seemed so cool for the first two weeks....despite the carnal mistake of sleeping with me within 6 hours of not quite getting to know me....I don't care if we hit it off.....NEVER give it up within the first two weeks, let alone on the first night.

Therefore, like a nagging hangnail, I continue to nibble at the questions that this Korean girl-next-door-type left me with. She studied in Canada, and has extensive vocabulary to describe herself in her profile, with adjective after adjective after adjective...smart....confident....optimistic...perky...loves to laugh...looking for tall handsome guy with an open mind. How many of these tall handsome guys with open minds have you sucked up in your tidy little whirlwinds? Her breezes apparently begin to blow before the flame of our candlelight dinner fully fizzles.

Spam email indicating that I have received a wink from the very website I met her on. Long time no check. Bored. Might as well see who it is. Log in. 22 year old girl with Haduri picture. Big eyes. Puffed out cheeks. Not English well. Want to make many good friend from many country. ^^ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmmmmm. Nah. Check next wink.

32 year old woman from Daegu. Photo in Starbucks. Over-sized coffee mug covering most of her face. That can't be a good thing. Must be hiding buckteeth. Too much writing. I can't be bothered. Has a warm heart. Looking for soulmate. No player who just look for sex partner. Next.

26 year old from Seoul. Has 69 neatly placed in her hellokitty related ID. Pink Von Dutch hat. Belly button piercing. Self camera in front of mirror. Definitely hot. Probably will add me but never actually reply with more than a fleeting sentence. Already circled by enough wolves. And besides, I am in a relationship. Speaking of which......

Search menu. Show all active members between the ages of 26 and 27 from Seoul..............hmmmm. This girl looks familiar. Click. Yep that's her. What the hell? Read profile. Similar over-abundance of self-aggrandizing adjectives. She is a Sagittarius after all. Last login? Online now! Send a message on instant messenger!

You little.....

Left with a bad taste in my mouth, and a sudden desire to smoke a cigarette (which I rarely have), I go out on the balcony and consider my options. Temptations immediately arise. The little red devil on the right shoulder suggests I make a new ID myself. Go to Google image search and find a guy even more handsome and open minded than you are. It will be hard but within a few minutes something will turn up. Write up a profile. He enjoys deep sea diving and has his master diver's license. Not here teaching English either. He's in marketing. Maybe from the UK. Enjoys a drink now and then. Gratuitous use of adjectives... passionate... health-oriented....driven towards success....looking for HER.

The little devil has some interesting ideas. Nevertheless, the angel on the left shoulder argues against such deceptiveness. You are over-reacting. Afterall, aren't you logged in as well? Don't be such a hypocrite. If you don't want to meet a girl in a bar, don't choose the internet as an alternative. It's the same thing. Give her the benefit of the doubt at least for now. Don't jump to conclusions. You have to admit...things are a little shakey. She wants an exciting guy who isn't so Korean. You gotta stop shopping at Giordano.

Little devil jumps in. Reminds you of how that one time she bought one of your coworkers a beer in Hongdae (not just you), and was smiling a little bit too much during their conversations. Face it dude. She is still on the market. You are just a weekend toy. Flavor of the month, and two months it has hardly been. And you are every bit as guilty. You smell it on her so she smells it on you. This is not a serious relationship. Blame it on that confounded TV show she downloads.

Back at the computer. Signing up for a new account. Must find pic of random handsome guy from Google image search. Type in....Chad. Chads are usually handsome. Oh�..here is one. Rugged yet refined. Pic looks taken as if from the top of the Eiffel Tower. This will do.

Profile complete. Ready to go. Yoga-Girl is still online. Master-Diver says: hey there, how you doing tonight? Yoga-Girl says: hey!^^ i was just about to log off and do my yoga. how r ya?~ Master-Diver says: good good. just thought i would send a message. you seem cool. i luv classical music to.

30 minutes of carefully sculpted gibberish. Yoga-Girl is definitely interested. Master-Diver is getting flirty, if not suggestively sexual in that Sex and the City kind of way. Yoga-Girl is teasing. Master-Diver asks if she has ever had an encounter with a foreign guy.

Yoga-Girl: no never.....but i was dating a guy for a while. but i wasn't into him. i'm actually not looking for someone right now in a serious way.

Never had sex with a foreign guy eh? I must have been imagining it.

Master-Diver keeps diving in. Morbid fascination. A desire to smoke a cigarette and to rip the mat right out form under her. This girl wants to go for coffee sometime. Suggesting a meeting within the first chat? The real me got that far as well. And a lot more than a coffee.

Master-Diver can't take it anymore. The real me picks up the phone, and gives her a call.

"What are you up to? Have a good day at work?" I ask in as steady a voice as possible.

"Hey! Can I call you back later? My mom wants me to help her with something."

"Sure, but I just wanted to see if you wanted to come with me to (insert random social function here) tomorrow afternoon."

"Hmm. Well...let me get back to you on that. My family might have to go to my grandmother's house."

"Ok. Well I'll be online later. See you there?"

"Sure! Bye!"

Hmm. She is online now. So am I. Perhaps I am blocked?

Back on messenger program, Master-Diver asks her what she is up to tomorrow afternoon. Yoga-Girl mentions nothing of a possible venture to Grandmother's house. Her schedule is wide-open (just like something else so it seems). As for coffee? How about drinks instead. Master-Diver says sure! He knows a great little place in Shinchon. Meet me at exit 1 at the station at 7. I recently lost my phone, so just give me your number and I'll let you know if anything changes. Sure! See you then handsome guy~!^^

Don't count on it the real me thinks to himself....now shaking...face red...and in need of a cigarette that I refuse to smoke. The devil on my shoulder is dancing a victory dance. The angel is busy with his palm pilot, pretending not to notice.

The next day, I give her a call. She apologizes for not logging in. She was busy helping her mom and fell asleep early. She can't meet today. Has to go to Grandmother's house. But how about Sunday? She will make it up to me in a big big way. Promise.

Saturday night approaches. Some friends and I meet for a few beers in, as it happen, Shinchon. 7 o'clock rolls around. I excuse myself briefly, and head on down to the station.

Behind an odang ajumma's cart I duck into a phone booth. Obscured from view just enough. 7:10 now. Still no sign. 7:15. She comes up the stairs of the exit, the obligatory 15 minutes late. Probably something she learned from Sex and the City. Looks good. All done up. A little sexier than usual. I watch. The devil on my shoulder urges me to enjoy the experience. Suggesting that I just so happen to cross paths with her.

The angel argues against this. Saying that I have done enough already. I dug for the black truth I wanted to find, and now that it was right in front of my face, it was time to bury the rotten treasure and move on. I agree, but I watch for just one minute more as she begins to look restless, scanning the crowd for the tall, handsome, open-minded Master-Diver who does not exist.

I head back to the watering hole, and my friends are now cheerfully eating multi-colored sausages bathed in honey mustard. I drink a refilled mug of sssang meckju in one shot, and bum a smoke off a friend who argues that I don't smoke. "I just started again," I tell him, and I go on to tell the entire story.

"You're an evil genius dude....." my buddy informs me with a look of disbelief mixed with mild sympathy. "I don't know what to say. Drink more I guess. We'll head to Itaewon and try to get her out of your system."

Suddenly the phone rings. It is her.

"Hey honey, I got home early from my Grandmother�s. Can you meet me? I had a bad day and want to drink."

"Uh....well I am out with the boys right now. We are going to Itaewon soon. I don't think tonight is good. And you don't like Itaewon anyways. The last time we went you said you felt like a prostitute."

"I don't want you to go there! Come and meet me! I want to go to your home. I'm your girlfriend and you have to be there for me when I need you! You are not acting like my boyfriend!"

The devil climbs up on my shoulder, suggesting possible ways I could respond to this. What would the Master-Diver do? I apologize, and tell her I can't leave a going away party for a friend. She hangs up, and shortly thereafter I receive a text that signals things are not going well. Really? I had no clue. I torture her with silence for the rest of the night. My friends join in with the devil, and one of them volunteers to give her a call as the Master-Diver. He even has a suitable Master-Diver voice with a suitable UK accent. I draw the line there, and inform them that the scandal is officially over, as is the relationship with Yoga-Girl.

The next day, I awaken on a friend's couch. Brutal hangover. A cesspool of bad foggy memories in my mind. I find myself lurching towards the computer, and logging in to the magical website as the legendary Master-Diver. Master-Diver has a lot of winks, and lots of messages from the same girls and older women who have messaged me. The regulars.

One of the messages is from Yoga-Girl. She is not happy about being stood up, and Master-Diver is a bad person who does not know what he is missing. Oh yes he does I think to myself.

Log out, and log in with the real me. The woman with the Starbucks mug has sent me a message, and wants to chat on MSN. I consider for a moment.....and instead proceed to delete my account. Too many apples picked from one orchard. There has to be a better way.

The rest of the day, and the rest of the week, are spent breaking off communication with Yoga-Girl. One of the things I discover is that the minute you become unpredictable, and not in the palm of a woman�s hand�.that is the minute they become obsessed and want to conquer you once again. The glass half full of gratuitous adjectives that must prove themselves. Half empty of the truth about romance in general. And not just cyber related. What we do not know doesn�t just hurt us; it drives us to the edge.

A knock on the door at 2 am, wide-eyed Yoga-girl looking a bit wild. Make-up sex, or maybe not even that, seems more than possible, but all I have to do is imagine all the other Master-Divers out there and I more than happily push her back out the door.

Said website lingers in my mind. A Pandora �s Box I am likely destined to re-open once again. Like a cigarette I should not smoke. The Master-Diver awaits.

[MissSeoul]

TOO LONG !!

[Paddycakes]

I'm not sure I quite follow what your story was supposed to be...

However, for you guys who do in the Internet dating thing (and who presumably find women who will readily have sex with you, which basically means they'll have sex with everyone else they meet... could be very large numbers), don't you ever worry about STDs? Warts and herpes and sh*t...

I'm not trying to be a prude or rain on your parade, but condoms break (and besides a lot of K-girls don't use condoms)...

[MissSeoul]

I am a die hard American football fan and I participate on one of major sport newspaper forum. One of guy who also was a member of forum and I somehow connected more than just forum member and we exchanged message almost everyday. He showed a great interesting of me and he was so anxious to meet me, well I thought about that, then I decided not to do.
Ye, we even exchanged picture

He was an editor of garden magazine.

[seoulshock]

What website is this?

Send us links to actual profiles!

[ScottyG]

haha. it's fiction. NONE of it is true. Of course that could be a lie as well.
in any case, its got hidden meanings. some literary mechanisms are in use. the id and the super ego. 'master-diver' has some symbolism. its basically just a commentary on modern korea and the internet culture and how sex and the city is causing an Asia-wide sexual revolution. sarah jessica parker rules!

[Young FRANKenstein]

[bobbyhanlon]

fair point about sex and the city. whenever i meet a girl in this country who likes that show, it makes me want to run a mile- they are usually the same ones who can be found in helios at 2am looking for their 37th canadian boyfriend.

[whatever]

Condoms break? *beep*! Whoopsayo

[Nemo]

ScottyG, well done. I liked it.

[Ginormousaurus]

[vox]

[ScottyG]

thanks for the responses. sometimes i try and tinker with style and do exactly what the old english lit. professor says not to do. run on sentences and mixing tenses and narrative styles. i guess to some people it is hard to read and maybe for others not so bad. i would not doubt if some of you guys have had contact of varying degrees with the girl the Yoga character is based on.

[Satori]

[Paddycakes]