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kimchi story
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
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 Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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I'm gonna take that as a sort of agreement, Kermo. I think you're prob'ly right about the guys you like being too shy. Or weary. I think most people realize their postcoital dissatisfaction pretty early on but it's a big problem. The smart ones tend to step back when faced with the potential for a good lay and think about it. I think they come across as shy in doing so, or they are actually humbled by the conundrum.
Fun discussion.
I'm having a bad avatar day... |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:20 pm Post subject: |
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| mole wrote: |
| kermo wrote: |
| This conversation is making me miss Joe Doufu. Joe, where are you? |
eww.. And to think you've been my pick for the coolest Dave's femme all this time. You lost it to Canuckistan here. And I generally hate Canadians. |
The Queen is Dead. Long Live The Queen.
Maybe it was the "oily guy" thread that reminded me of Joe. Man, that guy knew how to work those fluffy blond eyelashes. He and I had a classic showdown on the subject of this very thread, and although I (and reason and virtue) won the day, he was a gracious and verbose loser (I still treasure the pms he sent afterwards.) |
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mole
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Act III
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
| (I still treasure the pms he sent afterwards.) |
Yes'm. I can imagine the PMS he dealt.
And you're skeeving me out. 
Last edited by mole on Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:04 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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I suppose there's a biological reason to resist a woman who has had a lot of partners-- she could already be pregnant and unable to propogate your DNA, or worse yet, you could end up supporting some other man's line.
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Ding ding ding ding.
Women and men are physiologically different, which has led to asymmetical mating strategies. Women have a couple of big advantages over men when it comes to mating. The first one is 100% certainty when it comes to maternity. When a woman is about to procreate, she gets fat for most of a year and then drops 7 lbs of wonton on the sheets. She has a direct link to her genetic legacy. Men have no such certainty. They have to trust the women they are with to not be out playing around. So what do they do? They develope tests. Casual sex is one of them. If a woman puts out too quickly, she is deemed to be a "bad risk" in terms of being a life partner. But hey, a guy gets to knock one off and maybe spread some of his wild oats while he's at it. Genetically, casual sex is a no lose strategy for men, providing they can attain it. Hence men's greater interest in casual sex.
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| However, these days when birth control is so readily available, what's the revulsion all about? Is it really that deeply ingrained, or is there some other belief in play, some vestigal moralizing, like she's somehow tainted or worthless, having surrendered her chastity? |
The revulsion isn't concious. The revulsion is unconcious, like the vast majority of human behaviour. People are literally making thousands of quick, shallow, unconcious judgements every day. It's what our brains are designed to do and we are actually quite good at it.
Think about attraction. Do you conciously choose who you are attracted to? Do you say "Hey, there's a relatively symmetrical guy who is tall, looks parasite free, and is displaying a lot of high status body language"? No. It's an instinct. This is not stuff you think about. The species is about 140 000 years old. That is a lot of evolutionary pressure bearing down on us.
I am not saying that we should infer "ought" from "is" (i.e. the naturalistic fallacy). What I am saying is that people act this way, in reliable patterns, for "good" reasons. Men discriminate against women who put out too quickly because it is in their genetic intrest to do so. A gentleman by the name of Robin Baker did random paternity tests in council estates in England and found that 8% of the kids were incorrect when they identified their paternity.
So ladies, a word of advice. If you are really interested in an emotional relationship with a guy, it's in your interest to hold out for a few weeks. He will trust you more in the long run. If you want casual sex, go to a club, get drunk and swing a dead cat. Everyone needs to remember to hate the game, not the player.
There is a whole publishing cottage industry on sex and evolution these days, about a quarter of which is on my bookshelf. The Moral Animal by Robert Wright is a good place to start.
Last edited by Paji eh Wong on Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:59 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:39 pm Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
| kimchi story wrote: |
Because all that motivates us is the desire to be desired and (most importantly) the desire to feel that we can make a partner desirous because of our necessary illusion of desirability (Lacan calls this meconnaissance - we misrecognize ourselves from the time we wake until we go to sleep because actually recognizing the difference between real and ideal is called a psychotic break).
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It's a terrible irony, then, that when a woman acts on her honest desire, she fails to satisfy her partner's need to feel desirable. |
That's so well summed up Kermo.
And men think we are the fickle sex! |
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crazylemongirl
Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Location: almost there...
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:44 am Post subject: |
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However there seems to be this wide chasm between shaggin' and marryin'
At this point in time I can't even commit to a magazine subscription let alone a man. |
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Zoobot
Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Location: Toronto, ON, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 5:51 am Post subject: |
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^^^^^^^^
that gave me an honest-to-goodness LOL. |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:11 am Post subject: |
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| Why the hell do I always kill these thigns? |
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mnhnhyouh
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Location: The Middle Kingdom
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:42 am Post subject: |
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I have had a one night stand turn into a 7 1/2 year relationship, the longest I have had. The current (about to end as I move to Korea) relationship has been going for nearly 6 years, and it started with a co-worker wanting a shag, and I was there 
I have had a number of one-night shags. I have found few of them satisfying, though those few have been worth all the effort.
I would not, not call a girl because she shagged me on the first night. I would not call her if she did only because I found little beyond the physical to bring me back.
h |
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Privateer
Joined: 31 Aug 2005
Location: Easy Street.
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:08 am Post subject: Re: Shagging on the first date |
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| crazylemongirl wrote: |
One thing that has been an education in Korea is this idea of dating. Back home one would 'hook up' which can mean anything from a snog to playing hide the hobbit.
However apparently there are now rules about how many times one must meet before shagging is acceptable.
Why is it that shagg on the first date is unacceptable for a girl and excuse not to call her?
Enlighten me. |
I have no idea, no sympathy for that kind of attitude, and none of the posts in this thread attempting to justify it make sense to me.
Guys that have believe in this first date rule may rationalize it but I don't think it's a rational thing fundamentally. |
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tumbleweed_marijane
Joined: 01 Nov 2006
Location: anyang
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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christina aguilera even wrote a song about this 
i got it alllll figured out  . if you just HAVE to shag that person on the first night , it's always better to be the one to taking the phone number after, not the other way around/exchanging.
tried and tested, it's much more empowering AND doesnt beat up ur sense of self-worth. |
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Wrench
Joined: 07 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm I am a male and I have no interest with shaging with any one on the first date. UNLES I know and trust this person. Even then if I respect her to much I will not be so easily persuaded into sex. Frankly I have lost 95% of my interest in sex. Not sure maybe because I spend most of my Testostorone in the gym and have absolutley nothing left for anything else. Then ofcourse I hate people as well and I rather not be around them unless I have to be. "No man is an Island" well I am. I just don't want to be around people.
Last edited by Wrench on Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:18 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Wrench wrote: |
| Hmm I have a male and I have no interest with shaging with any one on the first date. UNLES I know and trust this person. Even then if I respect her to much I will not be so easily persuaded into sex. Frankly I have lost 95% of my interest in sex. Not sure maybe because I spend most of my Testostorone in the gym and have absolutley nothing left for anything else. Then ofcourse I hate people as well and I rather not be around them unless I have to be. "No man is an Island" well I am. I just don't want to be around people. |
Awwww. This is really sad.
You sound worn out, depressed, and not just misanthropic. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Wrench wrote: |
| Hmm I have a male and I have no interest with shaging with any one on the first date. UNLES I know and trust this person. Even then if I respect her to much I will not be so easily persuaded into sex. Frankly I have lost 95% of my interest in sex. Not sure maybe because I spend most of my Testostorone in the gym and have absolutley nothing left for anything else. Then ofcourse I hate people as well and I rather not be around them unless I have to be. "No man is an Island" well I am. I just don't want to be around people. |
Yah, people just suck, huh.
btw, what's up with you, Wrench? You always sound so incurably mopey. Ok, maybe not always but... Anyway, snap out of it! That's an order!! 
(does that sort of approach help, Kermo?  Oh yeah, have you tried the new "Le Miel" 62.5% CACAO dark chocolates? They're "c�te d'ivoire origins" and scrumptious! Unwrap one of the little squares and etched into the chocolate is the reassuring promise "IT'S REAL!". Available at any CVS and other fine chocolatiers around the Republic.)
| tumbleweed_marijane wrote: |
| if you just HAVE to shag that person on the first night , it's always better to be the one to taking the phone number after, not the other way around/exchanging. |
Right, always better to be that one. So just make sure you be that one, that's all. Uh huh. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Wrench wrote: |
| Hmm I have a male |
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