Korean Job Discussion Forums

[jajdude]

[Bulsajo]

That reminds me of my favorite Newfie joke (which I probably posted in here already at some point):

Newfie Flight 101 was flying from St. John's to Fort McMurray one night, with Russell the Pilot and Glen the co-pilot.
As they approached Fort McMurray Airport, they looked out the front window.

"Lord tunderin jeesus" said Russell "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".
"You're not fookin kiddin, Russell" replied Glen.

"Right Glen. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Russell.
"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Glen.

"And den ye put de flaps up straight away," said Russell.
"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Glen.

"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can," said Russell
"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Glen.

"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul," said Russell.
"I be doing dat already," replied Glen.

So they approached the runway with Russell and Glen full of nerves and sweaty palms.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Glen put the engines in reverse, put the flaps up, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.
Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimeters from the end of the runway much to the relief of Russell and Glen and everyone on board.

As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Russell looked out the front window and said to Glen,
"Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life."

Glen looked out the side window and replied,
"Yeah Russell, but look how fookin wide it is."

[jajdude]

Good one, first time I heard that.


Two Newfs go fishing and they have to rent a boat. So they get a boat and go way out on the sea, so far they can't see the shore. They start fishing and can't believe their luck: they're catching loads of fish and soon their boat is full!

"Damn" says George, "This is an excellent spot, but how are we going to remember it for next time?"

Bill: "That's no problem, we'll just mark an 'X' on the side of the boat."

George: "But what if we don't get the same boat?"

[jajdude]

A elderly Newfoundland couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Me Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It's always bothered me that our tenth youngster never quite looked like the rest of our kids. Now, I want to assure you that these 60 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that all that away. But... I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she pauses for moment and then confesses, "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, "You.You my love,you're the father!"

[jajdude]

here was a Newfie and a Cape Bretoner at a job site. The Cape Bretoner said to the Newfie, "I bet ya a hundred dollars I can get the day off work."

The Newfie said, "Yer crazy by'e, let me see ya do it."

So the foreman walks in and there's the Cape Bretoner standin straight up like a fence post.

The foreman says to the Cape Bretoner, "What's wrong wit you by'e?"

Cape Bretoner says, "I'm a burnt out light bulb."

"Sumtin wrong wit yer head by'e, take the day off work."

As the Cape Bretoner walked out the door smilin at the newfie, the newfie started to walk out behind him.

Foreman says, "Where you think yer goin by'e?"

Newfie says, "Well ya don't expect me to work in de dark do ya?"

[jajdude]

A Newfoundland woman "of a certain age", visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?", asks the doctor.

"Oh, no, doctor, I couldn't do dat," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin.

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later, that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh Jaysus Mary and Joseph, doctor, twas horrid. Just terrible!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did like you said and slipped it into his coffee, lard. De effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging something fierce! With one swoop of his arm he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and then, Lard tunder and Jaysus, didn't he take me right then and there, making wild,mad passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!"

"Why so terrible?", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?"

"No, no, no, Doctor. The sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I had in 25 years. But, oh me son, I'll never be able to show me face in Tim Horton's ever again!"

[munji]

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks at the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...................


"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk."

[jajdude]

NF Computer Terms:

1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter

2. Log off - Don't add no more wood

3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove

4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck

5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood

7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter

8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter

9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside

10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season

11. Byte - What the black flies do

12. Bit - What the black flies did

13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season

14. Chip - Munchies for TV

15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway

17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out

19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds

20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery

21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box

22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully

23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes

24. Web - What a spider makes

25. Web site - High corners of the ceiling

26. Cursor - Someone who swears

27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies

28. Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen

29. Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket just in case you
get lost in the woods

30. Upgrade - Steep hill

31. Server - waitress

32. Mail Server - male waitress, damn few in Newfoundland

33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered

34. Sound Card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays
music when you open it

35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff

36. Browser - A problem moose in the Garden or Blueberry Patch

37. Network - Mending holes in the gillnet

38. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

39. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network

40. Online - good sign there'll be clean clothes this week

41. Off line - the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the
ground--better luck next week

[Wangja]

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

"In English a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, however, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. But there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."

A student at the back called out: "Yeah, right."

[Wangja]

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2007

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.


Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Number 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.


Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


Number 6

Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.


Number 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Number 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


Number 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30¢?


Number 2

In the 60s, people took 'Acid' to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take 'Prozac' to make it normal.


AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

[Wangja]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul7EDYXmDNE

[Wangja]

and the turn of the 'strines ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4-oR-l9pQQ&mode=related&search=

[Wangja]

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down.

I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover,
spinning inches above the ground.

With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could for example
easily link New York with Chicago.

[Wangja]

A couple of Florida redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm smoothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, and then, a shot is heard.

The hunter says, "OK, now what?"

[Wangja]

Always There For Me

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,

"You know what?

You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...�

�You know what?"

"What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck....."