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shawner88
Joined: 01 Feb 2003
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 Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2003 10:56 pm Post subject: Scolded for not bowing to my bosses mother.... |
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| My bosses mother comes to the hagwon everyday. Everyday I stand up and bow and say "Anyong hashimnikka!" and sit down. Today I saw her and she was talking to my bosses wife. I didn't bow or say anything, they looked busy. The halmony flipped her lid and cursed me out for a full minute in Korean. It was really embarrassing. I don't mind showing respect, but cut me a break here... |
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kangnamdragon
Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Location: Kangnam, Seoul, Korea
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| Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2003 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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Tell her if it weren't for Americans, she'd still be speaking Japanese!!!
....kidding |
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Swiss James
Joined: 26 Nov 2003
Location: Shanghai
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| Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2003 11:15 pm Post subject: |
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| I guess you just live, learn, and do it next time- not worth kicking up a fuss about. |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 1:07 am Post subject: |
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I was showing the new teacher around the hakwon. I totally forgot to introduce him to the bosses wife(who was stood waiting)- just walked past her and asked her to make coffee for us. 
Took her a few days to get over that. |
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ratslash
Joined: 08 May 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 1:27 am Post subject: |
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| loser! (not you op, your boss!) why do you have to bow anyway? if she better than you just because she is older? no. like today, some old guy pushed in front of me at the bank. i wouldn't usually mind but i had been waiting for twenty minutes. i don't mind showing elderly people some leniency and some respect, but do you really deserve respect just because you are older? |
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Mr. Pink
Joined: 21 Oct 2003
Location: China
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 2:33 am Post subject: |
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| Haha I wouldn't bow after the first time I met her. It drives my wife nuts I only do it the first time I meet someone, after that, I figure the bow is like a handshake...something that should be done once, after that you are aquainted...I know Korea isn't like that, but sheesh, at least I bowed once! |
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On the other hand
Joined: 19 Apr 2003
Location: I walk along the avenue
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 5:31 am Post subject: |
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| why do you have to bow anyway? if she better than you just because she is older? |
Probably not. But you can probably analyze any social convention to expose its underlying absurdity. A person from some country where people don't say "Nice to meet you" when first meeting someone could wonder about THAT custom. Why do I have to tell that guy it's nice to meet him? We just met, why should I be expected to like him, how do I know he's not a real jerk, and so on and so forth.
But, of course, radically critiquing a custom does not negate the basic social benefits that result from following it. |
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in_seoul_2003
Joined: 24 Nov 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 5:47 am Post subject: |
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...
Last edited by in_seoul_2003 on Sun Feb 08, 2004 1:46 am; edited 1 time in total |
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TECO
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 6:03 am Post subject: |
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They don't expect us to do it because we're foreigners.
Never bowed in Japan either.
Foreigners who do it look stupid. |
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khyber
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: Compunction Junction
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 6:50 am Post subject: |
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usually i barely bow to my boss
just tilt a bet and mumble .hansogn
that can be enough for me |
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On the other hand
Joined: 19 Apr 2003
Location: I walk along the avenue
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 6:55 am Post subject: |
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TECO wrote:
| Quote: |
They don't expect us to do it because we're foreigners.
Never bowed in Japan either.
Foreigners who do it look stupid. |
Clearly, the boss in the OP's story would disagree. And since I've been bowed to by younger Koreans, I think we as foreigners might not be as exempt from these cultural expectations as we might imagine.
You're gonna hear different things from different people, of course. I bow to most older Koreans that I'm meeting for the first time. I like to think that my nature is basically egalitarian, but I also think a certain amount of pragmatism is called for when trying to get by in a foreign culture. In this society, anyway, I'd imagine it's better to be thought of as stupid than as disrepectful.
If you're really unnerved by the whole confucian "respect for elders" thing, there are more subtle ways to go against the grain. If you teach at a hagwon, you might have greater opportunity to interact with younger Koreans in a more egalitarian fashion than they experience from the wider society. And the older guys in my classes don't seem to mind it when I treat them the same way as I treat the younger ones, provided that a basic level of civility is maintained all around. But, as I say, different teachers have different experiences. |
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hellofaniceguy
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Not bowing to her? Screw her and the horse she rode in on. What, is she a God? If she wants to see some bowing, tell her go the chicken farm and she can see chickens bowing naturally. I know if I worked there... I wouldn't last. Or she'd be bowing to me.... just my rant for the hour. I'll come up with another, hang on.... respect for elders? It's a two way street! And from what I've see in korea, it's superficial. Yeah, some it it is "respect." But with all the elderly senior corrupt business leaders in the news everyday getting arrested and going to the monkey house.... respect? It's screw you first in korea before you screw me most of the time. |
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itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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tell them you are American and I am proud of my culture and country!
I am sorry but I would like to be treated as an American. I wish to not bow as that is a part of your culture and a part of respect shown by your peoples.. I would never be considered a korean so I wish to not bow anymore! if you have a problem with his.. then perhaps I should look for employment elsewhere.. please respect who I am. I feel strange doing this and uncomfortable. I will great your mother in an American way..
hello how are you today?..
stand up for yourself man.. |
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Dan
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: Sunny Glendale, CA
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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i think its a attitude thing. you set the routine by bowing to her every day. if you pretended like you didn't know what the hell was going on they would probably just accept it.
just gotta set the protocol from the beginning or they will whoop you good. |
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batman
Joined: 24 Jan 2003
Location: Oh so close to where I want to be
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| Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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| On the side, isn't bowing a better custom than shaking hands anyways? I have never cared for the custom of shaking hands. You always end up meeting people who have no idea how to properly shake hands (no, a bone-crushing grip does not a proper handshake make). And, then, there are the germs. How many guys (here or back home) actually wash their hands after using the toilet? Gross, when you think about it. A bow, to me anyways, is much nicer than a proferred hand. But to be scolded for not offering one? |
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