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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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Steelrails
Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System
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 Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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Double Post
Last edited by Steelrails on Thu May 17, 2012 11:56 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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KimchiNinja
Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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| jfromtheway wrote: |
| American Caucasian, huh? "We" usually reverse those words. But OK, whatever you say. If that's true then you are one of "us," but I'm afraid you are the odd one out. |
Being the "odd one out" has worked out pretty well for me in life.
Good luck with your english teacher career. |
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Seoulman69
Joined: 14 Dec 2009
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 12:17 am Post subject: |
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| Not to mention, shopkeeps and sales types tend to ask relationships because they usually have items to sell couples/families. What you think if you walked into Victoria's Secret back home with your girl the salesperson might not enquire as to your relationship (brother or boyfriend?) before directing you over to some items couples might be interested in? |
I totally disagree with all of that. I worked in shops while in uni and I would never have thought to ask about the relationship between a couple. Why? Because it's none of my business. If someone asked me I would have told them to mind their own business.
Claiming that this would happen in the west is totally incorrect. I've dated girls from all over the world and the only person who asked "Is that your boyfriend?" was a drunken idiot who had no manners.
If you are comparing the people in Korea who ask this question to the drunk ill-bred halfwits from the west then I totally agree.
The fact that you would ask a couple, whom you don't know, their relationship status really surprises me. I always thought you would have good manners and a bit of social etiquette.
| Quote: |
| Good luck with your english teacher career. |
That should be "English teaching career." Good luck learning English. |
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Eedoryeong
Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Location: Jeju
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 6:56 am Post subject: |
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| Dodge7 wrote: |
| PatrickGHBusan wrote: |
It is a basic question in Korea. It establishes a part of social standing which in turn can affect how a person interacts with another (use honorifics or no, what to call that person (married man, or something else).
No big deal really.
That type of question, asked directly or indirectly is pretty common in Asia, less so back home where other questions replace it! |
I don't agree. The dentist spoke English and did not need to speak to me in Korean, therefore did not need to be concerned with speaking to me in honorifics.
Let's hear your next excuse. |
Holy crap! This seems like a curt, abrasive reply.
If you're having a bad experience in an unrelated area, that's one thing. But don't let it pollute your relationships with other people. If you detected the wrong tone in the Korean's voice, address that. But just because they speak English really well does not equal being westernized. Patrick G. Busan's reply was quite reasonable and supportive to you.
And anyway, dude's knowledge of English does not mean that he's going to choose to stop speaking Korean to your significant other, in which case he could want to know if he should think of her as ajumma or not. And he mightn't have wanted to overthink the issue.
Did he have a crappy tone when he asked it? If not, let it go. |
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Steelrails
Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 8:46 am Post subject: |
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| I totally disagree with all of that. I worked in shops while in uni and I would never have thought to ask about the relationship between a couple. Why? Because it's none of my business. If someone asked me I would have told them to mind their own business. |
So if you worked in fragrances, lingerie, cakes, "date" restaurants, jewelry, medical, or legal you wouldn't inquire (vaguely, possibly) as to the relationship status of two people who came in together? If it's two days before Valentine's Day and what appears to be either brother and sister or a couple come in to by jewelry you wouldn't hint as to how they might be connected and try and make a sale?
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| Claiming that this would happen in the west is totally incorrect. I've dated girls from all over the world and the only person who asked "Is that your boyfriend?" was a drunken idiot who had no manners. |
Gee, I must have been hallucinating the times me or my friends went into such establishments and ended up buying "couples" items because the sales person tried to upsell them.
Those inquiries related to Valentine's Day complimentary desserts for couples must have been imaginary. Same with "Who are your real parents". I mean, that's not a personal question at all. But you know what? For most people its an innocent question and you can sense their good nature behind it and you don't even give it a second thought. Now its true that some people may say such things and be meaning ill intent, but that doesn't mean I automatically assume that someone who is asking that question has evil on their mind.
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| The fact that you would ask a couple, whom you don't know, their relationship status really surprises me. I always thought you would have good manners and a bit of social etiquette. |
Again, its not what you ask but how you ask it. Whether it is in that romantic setting or a more plain curiosity one. Real people who don't have chips on their shoulder understand when they are different and if you ask questions in a supportive and affectionate tone, are not going to take offense.
Now I agree that in Korea, that random ajosshi might very well be asking it in an offensive tone and it is quite rude. However that baker in Paris Baguette who asks that question as you buy a cake or that fragrance counter clerk might be going from a completely different angle and is behaving exactly the way someone back home would do. |
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Seoulman69
Joined: 14 Dec 2009
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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Steelrails - I honestly would never ask a couple their relationship status and I don't know anyone who would. I also wouldn't ask anyone about their "real parents". I feel both questions are rude and none of my business no matter what tone or how I ask the question.
But that's just how I was raised. You're entitled to your opinion though and I fear we will never agree on this so I will stop posting now to avoid us going in circles.
Have a nice weekend. |
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Mix1
Joined: 08 May 2007
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with others that this question happens here when you are with a Korean woman. And it happens more here than back home. And it can be irritating or offensive depending on who is doing the asking and how they do it.
And there is a dimension to this question here that differs from back home, and that's the pushy Korean K0(k-block angle. If you disagree then maybe you aren't going very often or you have your head in the sand. But it happens fairly often, especially if the chick is attractive.
Even just today, I go in to get some groceries at the mart and the checkout girl and we start talking while she's ringing up the stuff (we've met before and studied the same major, just smalltalk about the weather etc.). Some late 40's guy comes in for cigarettes, and immediately demands to know (in Korean): "Who's this guy? How do you know him? Ohh...BE VERY CAREFUL. Foreigners...blah blah..."
Yeah, THAT's EXACTLY the same as back home. 
Someone mentioned 1950's Alabama. There you go. And yes, this was in Seoul. |
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PatrickGHBusan
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 3:07 am Post subject: |
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Some of the stories in here are clearly made up or exagerated. They ARE entertaining however and the work put towards developing caricatural characters is impressive.  |
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joelove
Joined: 12 May 2011
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 4:51 am Post subject: |
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| Did you live in the same Korea I did during the same years, between 1997 and 2008? I guess not. Nothing I've seen in this thread looks far-fetched to me. Well, we all have different experiences and if that's how we measure and judge things, then we will always have different opinions. |
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sml7285
Joined: 26 Apr 2012
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 5:06 am Post subject: |
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Well it comes with the territory of being a minority.
I've lived in the US my entire life, yet I get asked the question "Where are you from?" from pretty much everyone I meet. Or If I decide to be sarcastic and reply "North Carolina," they ask about my ethnic background. Another thing I get asked a lot is: "How do you sound American when you're Asian?"
I've dated mostly white girls and though I haven't had many issues with people looking down upon interracial dating, I have run into the occasional drunk who will shout a racial slur of some sort while passing us on the street.
I'm sure that it sucks being a minority and standing out, but the truth is that you probably haven't been a minority for most of your life. The same types of things that are asked of you are asked of minorities at times in the US as well.
Last edited by sml7285 on Sat May 19, 2012 5:55 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Mix1
Joined: 08 May 2007
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 5:47 am Post subject: |
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[quote="PatrickGHBusan"]Some of the stories in here are clearly made up or exagerated. They ARE entertaining however and the work put towards developing caricatural characters is impressive. [/quote]
Thank you.
But made up? No. Exaggerated? I wish it was.
But that's Korea in a nutshell; many of the interactions with locals are so weird, it must border on unbelievable to some.
And please don't pull the tired "It never happened to ME, so it must not happen" line...
Because what's more likely is that you simply don't get out much. |
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Reggie
Joined: 21 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 7:02 am Post subject: |
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| sml7285 wrote: |
Well it comes with the territory of being a minority.
I've lived in the US my entire life, yet I get asked the question "Where are you from?" from pretty much everyone I meet. Or If I decide to be sarcastic and reply "North Carolina," they ask about my ethnic background. Another thing I get asked a lot is: "How do you sound American when you're Asian?"
I've dated mostly white girls and though I haven't had many issues with people looking down upon interracial dating, I have run into the occasional drunk who will shout a racial slur of some sort while passing us on the street.
I'm sure that it sucks being a minority and standing out, but the truth is that you probably haven't been a minority for most of your life. The same types of things that are asked of you are asked of minorities at times in the US as well. |
I'm a minority in Korea and the USA, and I'm also from a former slave state. But the weird reactions to interracial dating in Korea seem like an almost daily thing unless I stay home, whereas in the southeastern USA, there are just isolated incidents.
And one of the worst incidents in the USA was from a girl who was from Seoul, but spent most of her life in Athens, GA. She was telling my girlfriend at the time to be careful, that "foreign" English teachers in Korea were all a bunch of alcoholics, playboys, etc. I could understand a Saudi girl saying that about foreign teachers in the KSA, but given Korea's abundance of alcoholism, prostitution, orphans, and nightlife, it seems strange for a Korean girl who spent most of her life in the USA to be warning Korean girls about us like that. |
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Julius
Joined: 27 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 7:37 am Post subject: |
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| luckylady wrote: |
| don't make the mistake too many men do in this situation and treat her like property to be protected and coveted - it's the relationship that's important, not her physically (most of the time). that is, overreacting in a jealous and overbearing manner might be a bit romantic at first but gets boring, tiring and eventually becomes a dreaded event |
How do you react when other women try to chat up your man under your nose? Or ask him what relation are you to him?
Or how would you react if some woman told him to "beware of women like you, stay away from them".
Or how about if she told him off for dating someone of (your) race.
And if this happened day in day out, every time you walked down the street, or took public transport... for years?
Yeah. exactly. |
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The Sultan of Seoul
Joined: 17 Apr 2012
Location: right... behind.. YOU
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 7:40 am Post subject: |
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Come, come now Julius, it would be your fault for not understanding Korean culture.
Here's to my 5k won bowl of fried lamb, potatoes, onions, peppers and garlic! |
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WadRUG'naDoo
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Location: Shanghai
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| Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 9:21 am Post subject: |
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| The Sultan of Seoul wrote: |
Come, come now Julius, it would be your fault for not understanding Korean culture.
Here's to my 5k won bowl of fried lamb, potatoes, onions, peppers and garlic! |
You mix gochujang in that? Kimchi on the side? |
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