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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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 Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:06 am Post subject: Marrying a Korean |
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| I know that when you marry a Korean, it is the unromantic paperwork filing that actually makes you legally married. For those of you who married a Korean, how long did it take you to have a "real" ceremony? I have heard from people that if a couple gets married without having a ceremony, the chances are slim to none that you will ever have one. And sorry, but I just couldn't be happy with a courthouse or paper signing marriage. |
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Chris_Dixon
Joined: 09 Jan 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:22 am Post subject: |
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| Shouldn't this be something you discuss with your wife to be??? IF you want a ceremony then have one lol.... |
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SeoulFinn
Joined: 27 Feb 2006
Location: 1h from Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 10:41 am Post subject: Re: Marrying a Korean |
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I'm not married, but I have to mention something.
| princess wrote: |
| [...]I have heard from people that if a couple gets married without having a ceremony, the chances are slim to none that you will ever have one.[...] |
According to an old Korean belief, everyone should have a wedding ceremony at least once in their lives. Yes, the paperwork makes the marriage legal, but it's not enough, in a sense, to make the participants real adults.
If you don't believe me I suggest that you read my BA or MA thesis.  Or you could read what anthropologist Laurel Kendall writes about marriage in Korea in "Getting Married in Korea: of gender, morality, and modernity." Many of her books (usually about shamanism) mention about the importance/meaning of marriage in Korea. |
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Hanson
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:21 pm Post subject: Re: Marrying a Korean |
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| SeoulFinn wrote: |
I'm not married, but I have to mention something.
| princess wrote: |
| [...]I have heard from people that if a couple gets married without having a ceremony, the chances are slim to none that you will ever have one.[...] |
According to an old Korean belief, everyone should have a wedding ceremony at least once in their lives. Yes, the paperwork makes the marriage legal, but it's not enough, in a sense, to make the participants real adults.
If you don't believe me I suggest that you read my BA or MA thesis. Or you could read what anthropologist Laurel Kendall writes about marriage in Korea in "Getting Married in Korea: of gender, morality, and modernity." Many of her books (usually about shamanism) mention about the importance/meaning of marriage in Korea. |
A wedding is only as important as you make it out to be. I never had a wedding, and probably never will because it's just not that important to us (my wife is of Korean descent). Marriage is a whole other kettle of fish, though.
I think what you quoted from princess is true; that if you don't have a ceremony at the beginning of a marriage, you never will. It's true in my case because a wedding simply isn't/wasn't a priority for us (plus, being non-religious helps). Love and marriage are all that matter. |
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T-J
Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Location: Seoul EunpyungGu Yeonsinnae
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:13 pm Post subject: Re: Marrying a Korean |
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| princess wrote: |
I know that when you marry a Korean, it is the unromantic paperwork filing that actually makes you legally married.
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Let me preface this with saying this is true in just about every state in the U.S. Ceremonies are just that, ceremonies and are not legally recognized until you obtain your marriage license from you town/county government.
This can be done before or after a wedding ceremony, just as it can here in Korea. The only difference here in Korea (or anywhere when two different nationalities are involved) is that the process has to be done twice, so that the marriage is legally recognized by both countries.
Whether or not to have a ceremony falls under personal preference, just as what type of ceremony you want does.
Personally we wanted a ceremony and had one that included western and Korean elements. I had family who flew over from the States in attendance as well as many friends from all over the world that I had met attending Yonsei's KLI. Of course her entire family attended. It was a large wedding filled with wonderful memories. It was a very stressful time planning for it, which is also fairly universal I think.
The stress of planning a wedding is one of the reasons I recommend having one. It is a good time to test the relationship so to speak. The stress, give and take, and interaction between the two families can be trying to say the least, but I still recommend it. |
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CentralCali
Joined: 17 May 2007
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:54 pm Post subject: Re: Marrying a Korean |
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| T-J wrote: |
| princess wrote: |
I know that when you marry a Korean, it is the unromantic paperwork filing that actually makes you legally married.
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Let me preface this with saying this is true in just about every state in the U.S. Ceremonies are just that, ceremonies and are not legally recognized until you obtain your marriage license from you town/county government. |
You really misunderstand the US system. The officiant signs off on the marriage certificate after the ceremony. The officiant won't conduct a ceremony without the marriage license. |
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Real Reality
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:04 pm Post subject: Re: Marrying a Korean |
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| Hanson wrote: |
| SeoulFinn wrote: |
I'm not married, but I have to mention something.
| princess wrote: |
| [...]I have heard from people that if a couple gets married without having a ceremony, the chances are slim to none that you will ever have one.[...] |
According to an old Korean belief, everyone should have a wedding ceremony at least once in their lives. Yes, the paperwork makes the marriage legal, but it's not enough, in a sense, to make the participants real adults.
If you don't believe me I suggest that you read my BA or MA thesis. :-P Or you could read what anthropologist Laurel Kendall writes about marriage in Korea in "Getting Married in Korea: of gender, morality, and modernity." Many of her books (usually about shamanism) mention about the importance/meaning of marriage in Korea. |
A wedding is only as important as you make it out to be. I never had a wedding, and probably never will because it's just not that important to us (my wife is of Korean descent). Marriage is a whole other kettle of fish, though.
I think what you quoted from princess is true; that if you don't have a ceremony at the beginning of a marriage, you never will. It's true in my case because a wedding simply isn't/wasn't a priority for us (plus, being non-religious helps). Love and marriage are all that matter. |
Love is all that matters. |
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T-J
Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Location: Seoul EunpyungGu Yeonsinnae
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:27 pm Post subject: Re: Marrying a Korean |
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| CentralCali wrote: |
| T-J wrote: |
| princess wrote: |
I know that when you marry a Korean, it is the unromantic paperwork filing that actually makes you legally married.
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Let me preface this with saying this is true in just about every state in the U.S. Ceremonies are just that, ceremonies and are not legally recognized until you obtain your marriage license from you town/county government. |
You really misunderstand the US system. The officiant signs off on the marriage certificate after the ceremony. The officiant won't conduct a ceremony without the marriage license. |
You are correct. Let me rephrase. Marriages are not legally recognized until you obtain a certificate of marriage from your town/county government. Sorry for confusing the subject. The fact remains that it is the recognition by the government that matters not the ceremony. The license must be obtained before the ceremony if one is held and the certificate of marriage is obtained after.
The fact that a ceremony is completely optional and inconsequential to the legal status of the union in both the States and Korea was my original point and remains unchanged.
I still recommend the ceremony. |
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HapKi
Joined: 10 Dec 2004
Location: TALL BUILDING-SEOUL
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:35 pm Post subject: |
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If you don't have a lot of friends, there's really no need to have one.
In Korea, it's about announcing the marriage to friends and family, the joining together of the two families, and most importantly, getting money gifts to try and recoup some of your expenses.
If you don't care about those things, don't bother. |
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tob55
Joined: 29 Apr 2007
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:49 pm Post subject: Interesting |
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An interesting slant people have on things. Coming from American culture where the wedding ceremony is the focal point of the marriage as well as here in Korea where the wedding is significantly more focal than any other event surrounding the marriage, I would have to say people make choices for their own reasons.
Take for instance, people in the USA who have taken to enjoy the quick get away to Las Vegas or some other "do it quick" locations where less hoopla takes place and the marriage is legally recognized, as well as the quick and easy divorce options people have available today, and you can make an argument for anything you want to support. As a person who once upon a time officiated weddings, I have to say that the legal standing is truly based on governmental regulations and sanctions, and not the ceremony. Yes, it all looks nice and I believe in the interest of presentation it is good to have a ceremony, but be clear on one thing, the ceremony is not the marriage or the "wedding" of the couple.
I fit into the category that did the embassy shuffle to get married here in Korea, not by choice, but because of familial circumstances which were beyond the control of me or my wife. We hope to have a ceremony at some point in the future when the situation in the family is resolved. I suppose some would say we should have waited, but there were family issues at the time we married more than 3 1/2 years ago, and those same issues remain, so my wife is willing to wait until those issues are resolved.
I don't want to be smart here, but if anyone would like to us to have a ceremony and you want to take an active part and help resolve the family issues we have been unable to resolve, then please send me a PM, and we can start planning the wedding ceremony together.  |
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cold feet
Joined: 31 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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My wife and I were officially married on paper more than year before we had our Korean wedding and we had a great day.
But you should consider a few things.
A Korean wedding day is very different to what is considered normal in western countries so bare that in mind for both your self and your family and western guests.
A few things to consider:
Are you planning on staying in Korea after you�re married?
How close are you to your spouse�s family?
How big and how many of your own family would be prepared to travel to Korea for your wedding? |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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I was married well over a year before we had any kind of celebration. It ended up being a banquet with my wife's family, and with my close family visiting. My wife wore navy blue. A year later, we did the same thing in my hometown.
I'm glad we never had a real wedding ceremony. |
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NightSky
Joined: 19 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Chris_Dixon wrote: |
| Shouldn't this be something you discuss with your wife to be??? |
except princess isn't gay... |
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Teelo
Joined: 09 Oct 2008
Location: Wellington, NZ
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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| "And thats the story about how Marshall and Lily got married for twelve seconds in International Waters off the coast of Atlantic City." |
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hellofaniceguy
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!
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| Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 10:40 pm Post subject: Re: Marrying a Korean |
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| princess wrote: |
| I know that when you marry a Korean, it is the unromantic paperwork filing that actually makes you legally married. For those of you who married a Korean, how long did it take you to have a "real" ceremony? I have heard from people that if a couple gets married without having a ceremony, the chances are slim to none that you will ever have one. And sorry, but I just couldn't be happy with a courthouse or paper signing marriage. |
Paper trail.
No one I suppose likes paperwork. But that piece of paper is important to.....someone I suppose.
Just like a driver's license...just a piece of paper..but get caught driving without one and....
or filing the papers for taxes....
or a college degree....
or the big pieces of paper.....
MONEY! |
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