Korean Job Discussion Forums

The Bobster · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

Two threads have been started just to talk about how some people are not sad because Jesse Helms died nonviolently at a ripe old age after living a long life and having a tremendous influence on American politics in the later half of the previous century. A lot of the things people said on those threads were negative and spoke of him as a racist and a hater and a force intimately involved with holding back social movements aimed at meaningful progress for women, gays and minorities.

Yes, all those things were true about the man - BUT they were all quite negative. Let's be fair. Let's all say something about him that isn't so mean, and we'll try to even be truthful while we do ...

Here. I'll go first.

Jesse Helms never strangled a kitten, at least not in any public place where there were cameras and people who could see it. I'm pretty sure about this.

Okay. Your turn.

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

As far as I know, he did not wear striped pants with a plaid shirt and paisley tie, thus not committing any actionable atrocities against fashion. What he wore, if anything, under his white sheet I'll leave to your imagination.

Kuros · Joined: 27 Apr 2004

Jesse Helms did not sign into law a crippling and ineffective embargo on the Dominican Republic.

Jesse Helms never said a word denying the equality extraterrestrials may enjoy with whites.

bacasper · Joined: 26 Mar 2007

Jesse Helms never hit his mother with his hat on.

The Bobster · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

Jesse Helms was NOT a member of the Illuminati.

I think.

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

Jesse Helms, while partial to magnolias, is not known to have discriminated against daisies and tulips.

Kuros · Joined: 27 Apr 2004

Jesse Helms was not involved in the Opium Wars, the African slave trade, or the Crusades.

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

As a young man, Jesse Helms won county-wide renown for walking almost 3 miles to his favorite fishing hole.

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

When a young boy, Jesse Helms and his friend Gomer, as young boys in North Carolina in those days were wont to do, stole a pack of Lucky Strikes from Jesse�s father while the old man was passed out.

Later, when his father confronted him and said, �Jesse, did you and Gomer steal a pack of Lucky Strikes from me?�

Jesse heroically replied, �Father dear, I cannot tell the truth and break the bonds of friendship and white brotherhood. I think it was Rastas or Uncle Remus who did it, sir.�

spliff · Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Location: Khon Kaen, Thailand

RIP...A great man and thinker, IMHO!

daskalos · Joined: 19 May 2006 Location: The Road to Ithaca

He never raped a munchkin, which is, in part, why they all danced around singing, Fa la la la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa la la la la la!

uberscheisse · Joined: 02 Dec 2003 Location: japan is better than korea.

The Bobster · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

Jesse Helms had no involvement in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. (As mentioned above, he was not a member of the Illuminati. Anyone who says otherwise is taking their life in their han ... er, I mean, completely wrong. Hey, I mean that.)

Reliable witnesses place him far away from the scene at the exact moment that FDR first contracted polio.

While without a doubt a staunch opponent of communism at every recorded moment of his life, rumors that Jesse Helms singlehanded expelled the Soviet Union from Afghanistan are patently false - credit for that, of course, is shared jointly between John Rambo and Charlie Wilson.

Jesse Helms had an airtight alibi for the night in which Rodney King was brutally beaten by several LA policeman, and the videotape of the event that sparked several days of riots shows no sign of him anywhere in the vicinity.

Unfortunately, Jesse Helms's exact whereabouts the night Nicole Simpson was bruitally murdered have never been determined with any degree of certainty - a jury of his peers found OJ to be not guilty of the crime, however. We will have to allow history to be the final judge of that whole thing ...

ontheway · Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 10:23 am Post subject:

Jesse Helms was supposed to be on flight 007 that was shot down in 1983. He was late and missed the flight. I believe that this was a spy mission (denied by the US of course) that was approved by the secret Intellegence Committees of the US House and Senate. US Congressman Lawrence McDonald was on the flight and was killed. Both McDonald and Helms were on the joint committee and I believe that both had agreed to be on the flight in person in exchange for committee approval of the still highly classified intelligence mission.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_Air_Lines_Flight_007

The Bobster · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

I just thought it might bear repeating once more that Jesse Helms was NOT a member of the Illuminati. Can't stress that enough. Completely unfounded. Actually, I'm sorry I brought it up at all.