Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Old Gil]

So I have this situation. Actually it's a non-situation at this point.

I met a local lady. The thing is, I'm leaving Korea in April, no ifs ands or buts. We've only been 'seeing' (note the air quotes) each other for a week and a half but I got the feeling that she was getting attached so I felt obligated to disclose my plans for next year. Things go well that night but a few days later she just ends it, no repsonses to emails texts chats phone calls nothing. Cuts me off says I don't like her and I have no 정 (really! "외국인정이없어", something to that effect).

She's 31, I get that she's at that age for husband hunting, but we weren't exactly Romeo and Juliet here, it was a meet at the bar kind of thing and one thing lead to another. I'm not head over heels for this girl but I certainly lost what could have been a nice 4 month fling (real nice ) over telling her straight up what was going down.

On the one hand, I think it's the right thing to do. On the other, she never really asked me what the deal was I just felt like it was necessary (also I was drunk). I'm not really second guessing being honest with her but to have a solid hook up pulled out from under you can be a little frustrating, in the fullest sense of the word.

So what would you do?

[ashland]

[Old Gil]

[PatrickGHBusan]

Gil...this is funny.

You tell a woman you are seeing you are leaving her country (and not coming back) and you are surprised she ends it?

Are you also surprised each morning when the sun rises?


No offense but what did you expect? She made a decision...probably on the basis that she saw no point in pursuing things further since you are LEAVING.

What to do?

Move on...what else is there to do?

Good on you to have been honest with her howerver.

[Old Gil]

[tzechuk]

去那兒o阿?

[UknowsI]

[fermentation]

I guess it all depends. If I liked her I would have been honest and told her.

[Old Gil]

[redaxe]

I'd tell her, but I definitely wouldn't tell her as early as you did. Being too honest and forthcoming that early in a relationship is a mistake, assuming that you want the relationship to continue.

She probably thinks that the reason you told her you're leaving next April is because you don't like her that much, and don't want her to get attached. She thinks that if you really cared about her, you wouldn't have brought it up, rather you would have waited to see what the future brought, if you two fell in love, and maybe your plans changed, and yadda yadda.

So she cut you off because she took it as a hint that you don't care about her--even though your intention was actually to show that you respect her by being forthcoming and honest.

Sure, it may seem kind of backwards, but we're talking Korean woman logic here, which is basically the opposite of whatever makes sense in white man logic.

Plus, you admitted yourself that you're not that crazy about her. She's not stupid, she can tell.

If I wanted the action to continue, I would have told her sometime in March, and if she asked about it sooner, I would have been very vague and "I dunno." I'd probably come up with an excuse too, like I just got a new job back home and I have to leave on short notice, or something like that.

(Geez, am I turning Korean or what?)

[earthbound14]

I'm the kind of guy who tells them I'm leaving.

Of course, sometimes such blunt honesty ruins what ever chances there are of something more...you never know. I've ended things with girls I thought were no big deal only to realise they were pretty special to me. If you are always brutaly honest, you'll spend a lot more time single than you need to be...or just in the company of easy women too often (not always a bad thing, but they come with their own set of risks).

It really depends on exactly how you feel about her. If you're just going to use her for sex...well that's bad um-k.

If you kind of like her and want to get to know her a little bit more before you leave...be very tactful with the truth. Tell her you have had plans to leave but you like her. 4 months is nothing to loose sleep over if you don't become anymore interested in her...at least she knew that it might not last and that you gave her a shot. If she gets really hurt, be her friend if she lets you, other wise...let her go and don't pester her in order to make your self feel better. It's likely she has feelings for you she can't just make go away and she may decide to make the best of the four months you do have together in the end.

Anyway, that's what I would have done, cut her off cold turkey if I really didn't see any future (there are other fish in the sea, even for 4 months) or given her the news a little more gently, hinting there might be more...cause sometimes you just don't know...and let her make up her own mind.

[Panda]

Its not she is getting attached, its you, Gil...

Don't panic...Its not STD, its just addiction...

You are not qualified enough to be an a$$hole, so dont pretend you are.

[PatrickGHBusan]

[Steelrails]

You did the right thing. You were honest. Sure there are different actions for different situations, each of which are unique and depend on a whole list of factors, but by and large honesty is the way to go.

With some girls, being blunt works, with some, being vague works.

Most importantly you were acting with concern to her feelings and to the long-term situation, rather than pursuing short-term gratification. That's the right decision in my book.

[travelingfool]