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Working with an alcoholic
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Hatcher



Joined: 05 Jan 2007

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 4:39 pm    Post subject: Working with an alcoholic Reply with quote

My co-worker is an alcoholic but he denies it. He goes out several nights a week and comes in the next day with little recognition of what happened.
He usually gets into some type of trouble. When we suggest that drinking maybe be a problem, he goes nuts. He comes up with the craziest excuses as to why something happened. He sometimes gets violent and, of course, blames the other person. He blames everything and everyone except for soju.
He is extremely defensive and any discussion of alcohol is a rough one.
Any thoughts?
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nukeday



Joined: 13 May 2010

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

is it really your problem? If he's performing his job well...then just keep the relationship professional and let him do his destructive thing. If he isn't, then it's management's problem.
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Kaypea



Joined: 09 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 5:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, nobody can really convince somebody he has a problem with alcohol, it's something that must be realized by the drinker him/herself. It's good to let him know that you think something's not right with his drinking, because at least if he decides to examine his behaviour later, probably after getting into some kind of big trouble, at least he'll know that his drinking at this time was troubling to others.

But, you guys have already let him know what you think. When he complains about other people treating him badly while he drinks, "uh huh" and dismiss him. Also, don't drink with him, and don't cover up for him or enable his drinking. Lastly, look at your own behaviour: try not to centre too many activities around drinking.
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Louis VI



Joined: 05 Jul 2010
Location: In my Kingdom

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 5:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like it's the op that has a PROBLEM Laughing with the guy who drinks a lot of alcohol.

Labelling the guy is judgemental and beside the point: you don't give a flying fig about his personal situation and whether he's better off drinking less alcohol or not. Either you are an interfering moral twit or else an annoyed co-worker projecting reasons why you don't like his behaviour in the workplace. In either case, stop it. What he does on his own time is his own business and anyone who isn't his family or close friend ought to shut their trap about it.
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eamo



Joined: 08 Mar 2003
Location: Shepherd's Bush, 1964.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 6:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
He is extremely defensive and any discussion of alcohol is a rough one.


So don't discuss it with him......unless he's really disturbing your life.

Lots of people abuse alcohol in many different ways............as long as they aren't upsetting those around them then they don't really need an Oprah to come along and do some kind of smug, self-righteous intervention on them.
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grant_steves



Joined: 26 Oct 2010

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nukeday wrote:
is it really your problem?


+1
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oldfatfarang



Joined: 19 May 2005
Location: On the road to somewhere.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've worked with alcoholics, had one work for me, and had an alcoholic neighbor (probably the kindest man I'll ever meet). All these guys were employed and 'functioning alcoholics' (not the stereotypical homeless bum people see on the streets).

OP> You'll know when your co-worker is really an alcoholic because it will affect you. It will be your business, because they won't be able to do their job, and their work/personal relationship problems (from drinking) will negatively impact on you.

So if your co-worker is a functioning alcoholic - you might feel you need to have a word to him about his 'excessive' drinking. However, he would be within his rights to tell you to ...............................

In contrast, if his drinking is causing problems and he isn't 'functioning' (at work/socially), then I'd be telling him that I won't be covering his butt (for anything, in any circumstances).

Know this, alcoholics are addicts. They lie, can steal, and once their addiction gets out of hand, their work performance and personal relationships cause problems for those around them.

Good luck.
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rusty1983



Joined: 30 Jan 2007

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:28 pm    Post subject: Re: Working with an alcoholic Reply with quote

Hatcher wrote:
My co-worker is an alcoholic but he denies it. He goes out several nights a week and comes in the next day with little recognition of what happened.
He usually gets into some type of trouble. When we suggest that drinking maybe be a problem, he goes nuts. He comes up with the craziest excuses as to why something happened. He sometimes gets violent and, of course, blames the other person. He blames everything and everyone except for soju.
He is extremely defensive and any discussion of alcohol is a rough one.
Any thoughts?


Do you work with me??!?!?!

Seriously, it sounds like me and at least 4 other people I work with (except the violence, my only aggressive behaviour is towards taxi drivers). The people above make a point. Does it effect you? Does it effect his performance?

If not then it's his problem, nothing obliges you to deal with it. If you go out together and he causes these problems, stop going out with him. If you cant avoid this, go out with him and make a point of walking away when he gets drunk.

Unless it's someone close to me, I cant stand people confronting me about my drunken behaviour. It's embarrassing isnt it? A bit like a psychological illness, you dont want everyone going on about it, however much youre trying to help.

He would never admit it but consistently losing control in that way is deeply shameful and he probably needs to learn the hard way that he wont get away with it forever.
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Epik_Teacher



Joined: 28 Apr 2010

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:59 pm    Post subject: Re: Working with an alcoholic Reply with quote

Hatcher wrote:
My co-worker is an alcoholic but he denies it. He goes out several nights a week..........


Sounds just like most of the Korean men I've ever met!
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Kaypea



Joined: 09 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 8:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Working with an alcoholic Reply with quote

Epik_Teacher wrote:
Hatcher wrote:
My co-worker is an alcoholic but he denies it. He goes out several nights a week..........


Sounds just like most of the Korean men I've ever met!


And a lot of foreign "teachers" as well!
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cj1976



Joined: 26 Oct 2005

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

At least with alkies, they're willing to buy you a beer or two. You should hang with this guy some time, and loosen up. Sounds like you need it..
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Globutron



Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Location: England/Anyang

PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I bet this is one of those 6th sense scenarios where it turns out the OP was the alcoholic all along.
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