Korean Job Discussion Forums

[fromtheuk]

In life, I find the vast majority of people I've met are 2-faced i.e. they are nice in your presence, but talk badly about you almost as soon as they are a distance far away enough, to not be heard. You can tell by their gestures and facial expression it is you that is the topic.

Often, it appears they are talking unfavourably about you, being snide.

Shockingly, they then expect you to be full of warmth for them and they also want you to speak as though everything is fine.

I've decided to keep a distance from such people. Admittedly, I'm a loner, but that's because I am one of the few humans in this world who doesn't 'bad mouthe' people. That's why I stay close to myself.

Talking badly about others disgusts me, yet I am surrounded by people that consider it to be a normal thing to do. I hate backbiting.

I appreciate people don't always talk badly about others, but they do sometimes, it can be quite obvious.

Because of this, I feel a strong desire to avoid most people like the plague.

Are you a one of the many potential sociopaths out there? You think you're excellent but in truth, you're a two-faced individual, unaware of your own shortcomings?!!

Let me be unambiguous, I have my own failings, but being two-faced is not one of them.

Are you like fromtheuk or are you a 'bad mouther' that thinks they are a very nice person? If it has just dawned on you that you are two-faced, I apologize for the unexpected, wake-up call.

Please let me know your thoughts, feel free to disagree, I can take it.

[eb]

Yeah, but often the people who say they "don't" and then mack on

others 'for "doing" are thier own worst hyprocites. EB

[fromtheuk]

Point taken, but in fairness I've raised the issue just this once, without mentioning anybody's name.

[AmericanBornKorean]

I would say there are two classes of talking behind someone's back. One is out of genuine hatred, the other is in the spirit of endearing verbal jabbing. Friends, even in the same circles, will talk smack about each other behind the others' backs, but still can be best friends. I think it's normal human behavior. This is something that I only realized about a decade ago, and once I realized that this is the way it is, it's much easier to let things go.

For example, my buddy and I talked about how one of our suite-mates smells like he hasn't taken a shower in a year, and we said some things that would probably hurt his feelings. But we love him as a friend. I know they talk about me when I'm not there, and so on and so on.

[AsiaESLbound]

Yep, gossiping is what people do. Even if you are totally right and doing good, you'll get downplayed and even lied about behind your back so your good reputation and jaw dropping performances cancels out what was said moments ago. It's really not a problem until someone has the power to influence an important decision maker with no real facts. This could be the boss, a client, or the law. As long as they can't draw up facts you did wrong, they really can't prove it, it's just hearsay no one can act on. Family can be the most tricky if they seek your sympathy, time, and money with a belief you owe it. It's a game changer if no one close is your friend behind your back. Unfortunately, honestly and integrity kills your chances at doing well when it comes to people.

[eb]

I know people talk shit. But, the good news is: if you know they are talking/going to talk, then you can set them up,meaning use a taperecorder and catch them in the act. It is your legal right to do so.

Slander is against the law and could result in a very nice 'payout".
Not to sound vicous,but if you have the means and resources to sue someone, then you REALLY should.

"Believing in what is the law, doesn't become what is above or below it"

E. Batinic ( "EB")

[BaldTeacher]

Important advice: If you have a gut feeling that you are being disrespected, you probably are. No matter what you do in this life, there will be people who dislike you or people who will try and undermine you. The only real way to deter it is to establish a reputation as being somebody to fear, but in order to gain that reputation you need to do some risky and unpleasant things.

If there are any toxic people in your life, it's best to just cut them out of it.
Watch out for people who are excessively friendly or polite. They're often the first to make a snide remark as soon as you're out of earshot. As you get older, it becomes easier to spot people who are not going to add value to your life, so it's important to minimize your exposure to them as well as any influence that they have on your life.

I know someone from my hometown who's a real snake in the grass. He has no self esteem, so instead of building confidence the hard way he loves to drag people down to his level through gossip and passive aggressive behavior. He's just a real all around scumbag with zero integrity. I'm back home now and apparently he's really upset and offended that I haven't contacted him or spoken to him. Even though I'm known him for more than 12 years, I cut him off a couple years ago. People like that will do nothing but try to drag you down.

The people you surround yourself with can make or break you. Don't associate with losers or miserable people. Seek out people who have a good outlook, are fun to be around, share common goals and most importantly, have your back. A good wingman is priceless.

[Globutron]

[discostu333]

Sounds like the OP needs to grow some balls.

In life you're going to meet people you like and dislike. Sometimes you have to deal with the people you dislike in order to advance your own life. It doesn't mean you have to like them, but it doesn't mean you have to fall to their level.

If you are sound in mind, confident in yourself and know you have some decent friends behind you this isn't a problem.

If you are reclusive, self-righteous, withdrawn and negative, life aint so easy.

OP, you come across as one of the later. Lighten up, life is what you make of it. So what, some people talked smack about you behind your back? Happens to the best of us. Grow up, move on, be happy.

[TheUrbanMyth]

[le-paul]

maybe you should read some psycology papers on why people do this (its basically a means of scoring points to fit in with others - or lower intelligence...).

It might help you to become more stoic and therefore less disappointed with people?
People are people and nothing you say or do is going to change human nature. youre trying to put a square peg into a round hole and getting frustrated that you cant.
You could try to set a good example to others. You may not realise it but people will talk about you behind your back and say 'hey X never talks about people behind other peoples backs'. At least this way you helping people adjust their behaviour a bit.

This must sound completely patronising and egg sucking but people arnt as complicated as we'd like to think.

[Fox]

[Globutron]

[AsiaESLbound]

This is a really interesting thread. I noticed it's increasingly easier to understand people, but the more I found this out the more disappointed I was. I now understand why people are not as friendly and wanting to be my friend as much as I always expected. It's not because they don't like me, it's because they fear I might undermine them, be smarter than them, or cause them other problems. Making friends is the most difficult and essential part, because you can't do it alone unless you just have big money to tell everyone what you want and how you want it. You need referrals and references batting for you to get ahead in life. I always wondered if people bribe for references in the business world by paying them to vouch for them. Today's world is much more competitive than that our elders lived and worked in so it's hard to get in on a good ol' boys club that will propel you into exciting meaningful opportunities above an average job and the simple, "hi," and, "bye," social life. I just don't get the cliques and fitting in with a close nit group part of living life so it's a lonely journey. Maybe I don't talk sports well enough? You do need someone to step up to the plate and bat to promote you up the ranks and to be successful in selling yourself and your product. Skills, knowledge, and fancy degrees aren't enough to get you on the gravy train. References (friends) carry a lot of weight in hiring and buying processes. Business is personal for most people and that's very important.

[fromtheuk]

I appreciate everybody's views.

Grow some balls?!! I've got more than Fifa's football making factory!

I have experienced lots of inadvertent disrespect in my life and after deep thought I know why. The reason is jealousy and insecurity.

I do not claim in any way, shape or form to be 'Mr. Fantastic' but many people immediately resent me, simply because I am self-evidently well-mannered, quite well-spoken and genuinely have integrity.

The concept of being genuine appears to terrify many of the bottom-kissers that seem to pervade every aspect of social life.

I'd suggest some people who think they have balls are like some of the Korean-apologist posters on this forum. They lie to themselves about their own position in society, because the harsh reality is they have no guts at all and are willing to lower themselves just to fit in.

Yes, they'll tell themselves they are being flexible and easy-going, but in truth they are submissive wimps, unable to face the fact they have no courage or ability to stand their ground on any issue they truly believe in.

In short, I am genuinely civil and respectul of others. That only increases the resentment against myself. It's a case of 'how dare fromtheuk be nice, show integrity and also not give us the importance we think we deserve?!!!'

Some people seem to believe it is their birthright to have their bottom kissed by you, despite their awful manners and conduct.

I am not self-righteous, I'm a straightforward one-faced person, and if there is one thing I will never compromise, it is my ardent desire to be well-mannered, civil and one-faced.

If that is incompatible with the rest of the world, the whole world can you-know-what.

In every job, I have usually been one of the top performers, it's jealously pure and simple.

I ignore and show non-verbal disrespect towards the scum that hate me most. I'll mimic their own stupid mannerisms to make it clear they are nasty and worthless. Thankfully, it winds them up even more.

It also adds to their insecurity. Sometimes people in groups assume their antics will force you to submit to them. I however, carry on regardless, I keep winding them up, forever. They eventually tire of me and look even more idiotic and reprehensible than before. Believe it or not, that is actually possible!