Korean Job Discussion Forums

VanIslander · Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:25 pm Post subject:

the notion of a 'reciprocal relationship' in Korea seems to have a very materialistic bent

europe2seoul · Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Location: Seoul, Korea

Well, when we think about REAL girlfirend that means that she actually likes you for what you really are and not for you being a novelty, she being curious or wanting english practice and some fun.

We should talk more about failure rates of foreign man / korean woman relationships. Many times it fails since she does not enter the relationship honestly like being a nice Ms. Kim who one day happens to see a man and falls in love, but that man by coincidence is a foreign man.
Often times this is family pressure, who will neighbours think about her and her friends, before mentioned curiosity/free language lesson factor. But many times it is also language barrier. Basically, a regular Joe foreigner can not speak to most of Korean girls in Korea since he doesn't know Korean and she doesn't know English. Often times, regular Joe would have short relationships or one-night-stands often fueled by vast quantities of alcohol until she realizies that she can't understand a thing about what he is saying and there is an eligible Korean guy who she is also attracted to, can speak & communicate with easily and are from the same background/culture so all those pressures of what if family finds out & what will others say would be non-existant.

So, those say 10% of girls that we can speak too...well, some of them learned english by sleeping around and are not really good girlfriend materials for something long-term. Some of them you are just not compatible with in all or some aspects like you are not compatible as a couple with every western girl.

And also, imagine a girl investing her time, and falling in love, fighting off family pressure because she likes her foreign guy and all that....and then the guy leaves her and goes back to his country while leaving her just because? Me personally often times heard about this scenario from girls I dated....like you are here temporary and dating just for fun, etc. This is especially critical when the girl is 26-29 years old. Korean girls and most girls I know in the west at that time want to have some solid, firm, stable relationship & a guy to depend on. Flaky foreigner moving from a country to a country is not really a good choice.

These are my conclusions based on my dating and stories of others I heard. All that being said, I wouldn't mind meeting a nice real korean girl where we have mutual love & understanding and have future with. But it did not happen.... Smile

rawiri · Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Location: Lovely day for a fire drill.

Take that "advice" with a grain of salt. This board sometimes seems rife with jaded, bitter, lonely, older dudes who would probably struggle to hook up back home let alone here.

Ask yourself a few questions, are you fat?, do you have bad personal hygienge?, are you a johnny no mates? are you an alcoholic? do you possess little to no social skills? answer yes to any of these and there may be your answer to why you haven't hooked up.

FWIW, i've met a truckload of wayguk guys here in my time and i'm yet to see one who is in or is wondering if they are in a relationship that may be a "bludging english lessons" type. If you don't have the nouse to figure that out within the first couple of weeks you shouldn't probably be thinking of procreating anyways.

Pak Yu Man · Joined: 02 Jun 2005 Location: The Ida galaxy

Hey OP. Maybe if you weren't so shallow you'd find a decent girl. Hot chicks in Korea know they are hot and they work that angle. Rich guys would rather marry some hot chick than one with a brain or personality.

Usually the super-hot chicks are worth the effort.

Gamecock · Joined: 26 Nov 2003

As has been posted here, a small percentage of Korean ladies speak English well enough to be in a serious relationship with a foreigner. Likewise, most foreigners aren't here long enough to attain enough fluency in Korean to have a "real" relationship with someone who doesn't speak English.

One of the biggest hurdles I've encountered to becoming serious with a K-gal is the fact that I don't want to live in Korea for the rest of my life. Most Korean girls are very close to their family and don't want to move back home with you and be thousands of miles from their family. Most of the successful relationships I've seen here are when the foreigner has essentially committed to staying in Korea for the long term.

There are a host of other cultural/familial reasons I'm not interested in dating a Korean gal...well, maybe if she was an orphan...

It's not hard to have a hottie hanging on your arm and to have alot of fun in Korea. Mature relationships are much more difficult. It can be done, but it's not easy.

seoulsucker · Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:44 pm Post subject:

Been with the same girl 2 years now. Career woman, government official, well educated, doesn't tramp around bars, etc. Oh, and she's quite attractive as well.

However, I would have to say that I'm one of the lucky few in that boat.

I know that if we split that'll be the end of serious relationships in Korea for me. I doubt I'd be able to find another gal like her here.

Bibbitybop · Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Location: Seoul

europe2seoul: Great post. I agree with almost everything you said.

The trick is to finding a girl that speaks English, isn't a *beep* and isn't ready to settle down. If you want to fall in love and get hitched someday, her willingness to travel/live outside Korea is important, too.

djsmnc · Joined: 20 Jan 2003 Location: Dave's ESL Cafe

My girlfriend, a very attractive college girl who comes from a well off conservative family, and who has never come close to even flirting with a foreigner, came to be with me in my home country. We've lived in an apartment with her brother, who also doesn't mind that she and I have often shared the same bed and said and done byun-tae things to each other. Rock and f'ing roll.

europe2seoul · Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Location: Seoul, Korea

xingyiman · Joined: 12 Jan 2006

I am the original writer of the snippet that started this thread and I lived in Korea for 1 1/2 years. I am currently overseas with my GF (non Korean, non western) that I met in Korea. I have dated numerous Korean women also. I am considered very good looking, I am very physically fit, I am not an alchohaulic and I also consider myself to be of above average intelligence. I have 3 four year degrees and a master's in hard science. Anyway what I have seen runs along the lines of this. There are lots of newbies who will come on here and brag about how easy it is to score with the locals. But I will argue that this amounts to some guy who has had a few dates with some women who have showered them with a few compliments (really veiled insults, you figure that out after a while) and who think that all of a sudden they are God's gist to the relationship scene. After a while we all learn. I call it "mack daddy syndrome". There are alternatives though. Most Korean marriages are shams and result in both parties seeking sexual aversion outside the marraige usually within the first few months. I have had some friends who hooked up with Korean married women. The woman doesn't care because she has already done what her society has deemed appropriate for her and now she can keep up affairs with others in the shadows. This is risky however for you the westerner. One, the relationship will always be "under the table" so to speak and you will risk the possibility of her man finding out about it (regardles of the fact that he has 5 or six other women on the string as well as a few hookers). This could have disasterous results for you because in the eyes of Korean culture he will have "lost face" and seek retribution. Korean men are basically whimps but they will most assuredly get a support group together to confront you. Also if your married lady is cheating on you with her hubby then it is safe to assume she's probably playing you along with other guys. This has its own set of risks from sexually transmitted dieases, etc.... But the relationship being "below board" is often the worst part of it as I have observed. You will never get her away from her marriage and you will never have anymore than that. Your other alternatives would be professional hookers, but the disadvantages of that need no elaboration. Basically in a nutshell, because you aren't Korean you are considered a dirty foreigner (like all non Koreans) and your relationship possibilities are going to be severely limited as such. I know there are people who will argue this with me but until they actually provided proof that:

1. They have actually gotten a Korean woman past the pleasentiries of causual discourse.

2. They have obtained a stage of relationship intimacy with her that they aren't paying for.

3. That they(the women) are open to the possibilities of considering a longer committment.

I wouldn't listen to anything anyone else is saying. I have dated more Korean women than probably most people on this board. And these are my observations.

Junior · Joined: 18 Nov 2005 Location: the eye

If you were back home, would you date a temporary immigrant who doesn't speak your language?

Hands up here. Which Americans have dated mexican border jumpers who couldn't speak English.

djsmnc · Joined: 20 Jan 2003 Location: Dave's ESL Cafe

BTW- if you find a lady compatible enough to take home with you:

1. Make a good impression on her family

2. Tempt her with good things back home, and by all means, if she does go there, give her a good reason to want to stay (such as buying hotel and airplane tickets to show her around). Make sure that while you respect her choice to make some unusual Korean food concoctions sometimes that she will also try your local foods to find out what she enjoys and what you can make together later

3. Get a decent job or undertake a reputable academic program when you get home

4. Stay in shape

5. Show her that you truly care about her even if your eyes tend to wander sometimes

6. Make sure she has something to do while she's in your country or she'll never really have a reason to stay there (as if you, the former English teacher are the sole reason she will want to stay in your hometown and cook and clean all day)

7. Stop d*cking around, because she can leave you at anytime for Joe
hometown playboy, Mike gyopo, Lee Korean guy studying abroad, or worst of all: Omma in Korea

Milwaukiedave · Joined: 02 Oct 2004 Location: Goseong

rawiri · Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Location: Lovely day for a fire drill.

Xingyiman, Your posts seem quite contradictory, if you are that good looking, intelligent and qualified you should have no problems at all instigating and maintaining a relationship with a k girl hotty, i have certainly seen this done by lesser specimens than your (self) reported fine self. You then go on to list copious ways of hooking up outside of a normal relationship.