Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[caroldu19871017]

Dear Teachers,

Good morning~ 
I�m Carol and coming from Taiwan.

I have a question about the attitude of �love-courting� that I want to know the differences between west and east societies.

I do need your help!!!

In our society, love is always going by boys actions.
And it seems strange if a girl wants to pay court to a boy.
That is if a girl would like to take actions to aspire after love, she will be considered as a freak.

I think it�s unfair.
Why can�t girls just go for love like boys do and won�t be thinking like freak?

Would you please tell me about the opinion about this issue of your country?

Thanks for your help!

Best wishes,
Carol Du 

[m_prime]

Hi Carol

I can only really tell you about British culture but I will do my best to give you some information.

Traditionally courting (or 'asking out') was always initiated by boys rather than by girls. This is still the most common approach, but it wouldn't be considered unusal for a girl to ask a boy out instead. They certainly wouldn't be thought of as a freak - maybe just confident and a little assertive.

Most girls would probably still prefer for the boy to do the asking (there is after all a risk of rejection) but he may require some encouragement! Usually they will give him certain signs; spending a lot of time in his company, complimenting him, taking an interest in things he does, laughing at all of his jokes (even the bad ones!) or making flirtatious remarks. Younger girls will often get one of their friends to tell him, hearing comments such as "my friends really likes you" are not uncommon.

Above all (and I am sure that this is true in probably every culture) no boy really likes to ask out a girl in front of all her friends - the risk of rejection and public embarassment is too great!

I hope this has helped to answer your question. Could I please ask you a question of my own? I am an English teacher who has just moved to mainland China; how can you tell if a girl likes you, and what approach should you take if you wanted to ask her out for a date?

Many thanks
Matt

[Corey]

It pretty much works both ways in Canada - if a girl or woman is interested in a man, she will pursue him.

Corey
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[peterteacher]

In Australia there is nothing wrong with the girl pursuing the boy, but in most cases she doesn't. It's usually up to the boy to make the first move if he wants anything to happen

I have no idea why this is part of our culture but it is
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[sourwine]

Hi there,

I am from Germany in origin but I live in Ireland. In Ireland I think it is still mainly the boys asking out the girls, however if a girl really wants to go out with a certain boy she can also ask him without being considered a freak. But they prefer the boys to ask because it is nicer if they have all the effort.

In Germany both can ask, no problem whatsoever, unless someone was brought up in a very traditional family. Then a girl would never dare to ask the boy out and she would expect it to be the other way around. But in general both can make the approach. In fact, some boys / men enjoy it a lot if the girl / woman shows their interest (makes it easier for them I guess)