Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[black sea]

Hi all . . .

am needing ur help to do my assignments which is writing a short story

I had write one, and want someone to check it

This is my story . .


Jon�s First Day In School



Two days before kindergarten started, Jon�s father took him to the shoes shop to buy Kindergarten shoe. Jon was happy to buy new things for Kindergarten.

In the night, his mother and family encouraged Jon about going to Kindergarten, and talked with him about what he would see there.


On the first day of school his mother took him to Kindergarten, and introduced his teacher and showed him his new classroom, Jon was so happy and liked his Kindergarten.

On Monday morning, Jon�s mother tried to wake up him, but he didn't want to get out of bed, so she asked his friends Tom and Jack who were ready for Kindergarten to show themselves to Jon. Even though he didn't want to wake up.

His mother and his friends worked together to help Jon dress in his uniform, he was crying a lot. Thant's because he didn't know where they were taking him.

Then his Grandfather started the car while his friends tried with Jon to ride the car.
Along the way, Jon was crying and don't want to sit probably. Also he took off his clothes and shoes. While everyone was trying to calm him down.

When they arrived at the Kindergarten, Jon suddenly stopped crying, he had just realized that he had been here once before and he had had fun time. So, he put his clothes back on again and went to kindergarten with a happy face.

His Mother went with him to Kindergarten, and took him to his class, he saw his teacher and friends, that's why Jon felt so joyful and comfortable.
Nowadays Jon is waking up early by himself and ready for Kindergarten.

am waiting for Help !

[pugachevV]

Is this about Jon or Ahmed or both? If both, you should explain the relationship.
If you're writing a formal piece you should write kindergarten in full.
It's shoe shop not shoes shop.
His mother and his friends worked together to help Jon dress in his uniform, he was crying a lot because he didn't know where they were taking him.

Then his Grandfather started the car while his friends tried? with Ahmed ( were they in it or not?) Where was Jon?
Along the way, Jon was crying and don't want to sit properly. Also he took off his clothes and shoes, while everyone was trying to calm him down.
When they arrived at the kindergarten...
he had just realized that he had come (or been) here once before and he had had a fun time. So, he put his clothes back on again and went to kindergarten with a happy face.
His Mother went with him to kindergarten
Nowadays

[black sea]

Actually Ahmed and Jon is the same character, sorry I confused because I have to write the story in Arabic and English !



yes it's formal piece , thanks for advice ,, I will edit it

( were they in it or not?) Where was Jon? Jon was out, his friends was trying to get him in the car.

[pugachevV]

Thanks for clearing it up. Good luck with your story.

[black sea]

Thanks a lot for helping (:

[pugachevV]

You're welcome