Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[tofu]

do u think my hypthesis is good? how can i make it sound better? is there any stuff i could add that could add a little discussion to it? does it cleary answer my thesis question?

this is my thesis:
Is there a relationship between watching violence on T.V and committing violence?

this is my hypothesis:

I strongly believe that TV violence does affect people in committing violence in the outside world. Children, especially, can�t tell the difference between what is real or fiction. Exposure to TV violence increases aggression among children and adults because violence increases excitation. As a result, people who are exposed to TV violence are more prone to committing violence.

[bud]

Hi Tofu,

This is very well-written. The only possible error I can see is in the first sentence (I can't decide if it even is an error, or just awkward phrasing). My first point addresses this. The additional points are suggestions for style, not to correct errors:

1. "affect people in committing violence" - As I said, I'm not sure about this one. Consider something like this: "... does cause people to commit violence..."

2. "in the outside world" - You don't really need this phrase. "Commit violence" by itself says what you want, and adding "in the outside world" excludes the possibility of violence in the home.

3. "what is real or fiction" - Correct... In my opinion, it would read a little better as: "... what is real and what is fiction."

Your punctuation is excellent!

(I'm not commenting on your arguments as I don't wish to take on that role.)

Good job!