Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Beth Lang]

How do i make friendships with other people?
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Elizabeth S. Lang

[liebe]

Hmmmmm.....

Is that a philosophical, theoretical, social or practical question? It's difficult to say. It often depends upon your personal situation. Perhaps you could tell me more about you and your situation, so that I (and others) would be able to help you? Generally, it's enough to just come up and talk to someone. People almost always are drawn toward similar or like-minded people. That's the reason you should never pretend to be someone else. Just be yourself, put a smile on your face and go ahead and talk to people. There's a Hebrew saying "Meshane makom--meshane mazal". Its direct translation would be "change a place--change a luck". So, if you're lonely and unpopular where you live right now, it doesn't mean you'll be like that in other places...

[sandra_fm]

[LucentShade]

[liebe]

To Lucent Shade:

What do you mean by "flawed personality"?

I can honestly, and yes proudly, say that I don't appeal to most people. I can also tell you why. I always (OK, about always) say what I think, it doesn't matter whether they like it or not. I am not (and never was) a typical teenager (but ain't one anymore)--I've never was a typical girl who only thinks about shopping, guys, make-up and that stuff. I enjoy reading, I'm interested in languages, history and foreign cultures, I love the Opera. Many people find me to be "weird" or something of that sort, so they don't know how to approach me and prefer not to approach me at all. But you'd be surprised, there are actually some people (although not many) who DO like me... I don't see how being myself harms me in any way (:

[blackguy-n-Asia]

You know I love you liebe

Saying what you mean is actually a good trait. Most guys like it straight and blunt...(we can't understand it any other way).

My dad always told us "to have friends, you have to be friendly" This just means being yourself. If you have major character flaws...then being around people will help you iron them out ie. Shyness, rudeness, even hatred and racism (ignorance) CAN be reduced, like bad pimples.

GOOD people will help you by telling you straight that you are RUDE or THAT WAS RACIST or WHY DON'T YOU SMILE MORE or helpful things like that. In this way, you learn more about yourself and about being friendly.

Hey, who are you looking at?
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I'm an African-Canadian living in the West
Soon to Travel to Asia and Russia.

[LucentShade]

To liebe:

In my definition, a "flawed personality" would be a personality that 80% or more of the population find unattractive, annoying, or repulsive. This would include being shy, insecure, unconfident, negative, sarcastic, or cynical. Since many of those adjectives describe me, for me to "be myself" would be counter-productive to the goal of making people like me, want to be friends with me, or date me. So, that's why I believe in putting up a false front, in order to be seen as "normal" or "respectable."

[blackguy-n-Asia]

A false front?

Sooner or later, my friend, that front will collapse...and then what?

When people see a front, they consider that to be duplicity. When you live your life that way, its only a matter of time before you hate the lie, and yourself.

At a club one night I saw a guy very confident in himself, he even left the club with the girl who I was trying to date. I asked him as he was leaving with her "How did you do that?" He simply replied "Tell them what they want to hear." Is it better to be yourself, or pretend to be someone else? Guess it depends on what kind of friends you want (one night stands at clubs, or a real friend)
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I'm an African-Canadian living in the West
Soon to Travel to Asia and Russia.

[LucentShade]