Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

Lost Luv · Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 2

Is there anyone out there that can help me understand what I may or am going through!! I'm an asian girl dating an arabic(american). We have been together for about a year now and are madly in love with each other. He has just went to the Middle East to visit family for the next 2 weeks, and his dad's side of the family is forcing him to get married/engaged to an arabian girl or he will be disowned and lose all his inheritance. He's torn, I'm torn, we don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell him. Should I stick by his side or let him go so the pain won't be so deep? I'm afraid...Anyone that knows the culture,PLEASE HELP!!! He will be returning a week and half and I'd like to be somewhat prepared for whatever the scenario may be. Crying or Very sad

obelix · Joined: 09 Feb 2003 Posts: 304

In the Arab world it is customary for the parents to arrange a marriage for their sons and daughters.
No doubt your lover is going home for such a marriage and will return to you afterwards.
In any case he puts his love for you second to his parents' money and so he is not as much in love with you as you think he is.
Secondly, he is a coward if he allows his father to FORCE him to do anything.
Kick this loser out of your life at the first available opportunity, if not sooner!

Lost Luv · Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 2

Are you Arabic? What is so hard is that I know how much family means so I can't really be a hypocrite. But, if you worked hard all your life to get to where your at in his fathers' communtiy, then isn't that a hard decision? He tells me not to worry about it cuz nothing's going to happen, but what if it does still? He just opened up a store in his fathers' neighborhood, and they're telling him to move his *beep* if he doesn't obey. Are Arabics still that narrow-minded these days? It's easier said to leave then done. He is 30, and I guess that is way over the due date to get married. Makes no sense! He doesn't even reside with his father! And even if he doesn't get married or engaged, won't he still be frowned upon because he's with a different nationality other than his own?

obelix · Joined: 09 Feb 2003 Posts: 304

Surely, the fact that he is going home to get engaged/married to someone other than you should be enough to give you a wake up call.
He has merely been using you while he is away from his own country.
There is a good probability that he will not return from his visit and if he does, he may bring his new wife with him.
Forget this pathetic mama's boy and find yourself a man with some balls.

Bob S. · Joined: 29 Apr 2004 Posts: 1767 Location: So. Cal

I gotta say, I agree with Obelix 100%. What real woman would want such a momma's boy? And I might add, if his family is so bigotted against Asians, why would you want to marry into their family and move to live near them?

In a similar story, my wife's father forbid her to marry a foreigner (me) and told her he would disown her if she married me. So she said Good-bye to him forever. It sounds sad, but I am proud that my wife has such strength to know her own mind and resist her stubborn cruel father. (And I hope it speaks well of me that I chose a real woman and not a weak daddy's girl.)

so much · Joined: 16 Jun 2004 Posts: 35

IMHO,Bob,I don't think your wife and you will live together for long time.

It's for you,your wife said Good-bye to her father,the one who gave her life and brought her up to marry you.Of course,she loves you.But I estimate if she meet someone else she loves better than you,she will say Good-bye to you too.So I don't think this kind person could be trusted for spending a long life.

Diana · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 494 Location: Guam, USA

I also agree with Obelix. I wouldn't want to marry a man who would put me second place.

Bob S. · Joined: 29 Apr 2004 Posts: 1767 Location: So. Cal