BMO
Joined: 19 Feb 2004
Posts: 705
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 Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 7:17 am Post subject: edit please |
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Hello, teachers, would you please take a look at my edit of someone else's work? Mine is in bold face. Is it a significant improvement? Thanks a lot.
A Mentor for Life
A: what a beautiful card! (reading the words from the card) To Miss Yang? So this is a birthday card to Miss Yang?
A: (Reading the card) What a beautiful card! Is it for Miss Yang? So this is a card for her birthday.
B: No. Her birthday is three months away. I will give her the card on Teacher�s Day.
B: No. Her birthday is three months away; I will give her this card on Teacher�s Day.
A: That is very thoughtful of you to send a card to Miss Yang even though she doesn�t teach you.
A: That is very thoughtful of you to be sending a card to Miss Yang even though she is not your teacher.
B: Well, I don�t use �teacher� in the usual sense of the word, but apply it in a broader sense.
B: Well, I don�t use the word �teacher� in its usual sense; I have a broader definition.
A: What do you mean by that?
B: Miss Yang does not teach me at school, but at the church, she does give me a lot of inspiration and guidance in life. To many Christians, Miss Yang is not only a counselor but also a friend and a lifetime mentor.
B: Although Miss Yang doesn�t teach me in school, she gives me a lot of inspiration and guidance in life at the church. Not only is Miss Yang a counselor to many Christians she is also a friend and a lifetime mentor to them.
A: Miss Yang has been praised for her kind-heartedness. She knows how to extract the goodwill from people, and she always teaches people by example. (Extract is to draw out forcibly.)
A: Miss Yang has been praised for her kindheartedness. She knows how to bring out goodness in people, and she always teaches by example.
B: And she also puts a lot of emphasis on the cultivation of good and kind deeds. That is why she never hesitates to pinpoint where I went wrong if I made any mistakes.
B: And she also emphasizes on the cultivation of good deeds. This is why she never hesitates to pinpoint my errors when I do make ones.
A: As Jesus disciplines those he loves, so does Miss Yang educate her students. You should thank her for that.
A: Just as Jesus disciplines those He loves, Miss Yang educates her students the same way. You should thank her for that.
B: I hope this card can let Miss Yang understand my gratitude and respect to her.
B: I hope this card will show Miss Yang my gratitude to and respect for her.
A: Well, �a card� is also worth a thousand words. Miss Yang will be more than happy when getting this card.
A: Well, a �card� is worth a thousand words. Miss Yang will be more than happy when she receives it. |
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