|
Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Students and Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
namakulia
Joined: 22 Jul 2004
Posts: 7
Location: Yogya, Indonesia
|
 Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 7:38 pm Post subject: age different |
 |
|
| couples with age different? e.g. : a girl having a relationship with a 15-20 years older boyfriend.. what d u think? |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
zoe.
Joined: 27 Sep 2004
Posts: 16
|
| Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:53 pm Post subject: HI! |
|
|
In my opinion, older people have a deep thougt but we should judge someone by the content of his character . 
it is very important 
in my case if he has a good character,age is no ploblem.
what do you think that?? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Cognitspy
Joined: 21 Sep 2004
Posts: 22
Location: Belgium
|
| Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2004 7:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
My opinion is:
there is no difference whether you are much older or younger, white, red, black or yellow,... gay or hetero,...
The most important thing is that these two people love each other. And if they do, nothing can stand in their way.
_________________
A tiny ripple of hope |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
alex_007
Joined: 27 Aug 2003
Posts: 93
Location: Swansea
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 3:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
Problems will come later ! hahaha
_________________
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Bob S.
Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 11:57 am Post subject: May / December |
|
|
If she is 45 and he is 60, it is not such a big deal. They are both settled in life.
This may not sound popular, but...
If she is 20 and he is 35 or 40, it can be a problem. They are at different stages in life. She is still learning, growing mentally and emotionally, exploring who she is and finding her place in life; he should be past that, becoming settled, looking to establish responsibilities and build a family. If you see these May/December romances, you must ask, what is wrong with them? Is her life in such chaos that she needs him as a father figure to take care of her? Does she use him as a Sugar-Daddy to buy her gifts? Is he only playing with her as a customer plays with a prostitute? If he has emotional feelings for her, you must ask, why does he only emotionally connect with younger (i.e. financially weaker and emotionally less mature) girls? What is wrong with him that he cannot connect with women who are at the same age and stage in life?
You can admire their good fortune (he's got a hot young arm-decoration sex toy, she's got someone to buy her trinkets and take her on trips she could otherwise not afford), but you cannot respect them. They are not functioning from a position of emotional maturity or strength.
The same goes true if the woman is older and the man (boy?) is much younger.
Just my 2 cents. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
philanthropist
Joined: 14 Nov 2004
Posts: 39
Location: Austria
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 5:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yeah Bob S., I think you're right.
I've got a friend who is 19 years old and her boyfriend is 40(!!!). It's really hard for me to understand her, but she seems to be deeply in love with that guy. But as you've said, there's something wrong with their relationship, it's not balanced.
But I don't think that it's always about money or sex or anything. In my opinion, my friend just likes the idea that a man of 40, a mature man, is interested in a simple girl like her.
Does that make sense? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Bob S.
Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:44 am Post subject: |
|
|
| philanthropist wrote: |
| I've got a friend who is 19 years old and her boyfriend is 40(!!!)... In my opinion, my friend just likes the idea that a man of 40, a mature man, is interested in a simple girl like her. |
Here is an important life lesson your friend should learn and learn quickly: It is no compliment if a 40 y.o. man desires a 19 y.o. girlfriend. ALL hetersexual males between 15 and 105 have fantasy desires of having a 19 y.o. girlfriend. Any girl in her late teens or early twenties who makes herself available to older men will find hundreds of older men eager and ready to use her. It doesn't mean she's special.
Let's try something here. Though I've never met your friend, I'll describe her, and you tell me if I'm right or wrong. Okay?
1. She has self-esteem issues.
2. Her father is emotionally unavailable. I.e. Either he is not physically there (parents divorced or never married), or if he is there, he is emotionally detached because of alcohol abuse, violent tendencies, emotionally detached and/or uncaring.
3. She is not very ambitious in life. Her room is not decorated with any trophies or medals or examples of her accomplishments in life. She kind of mostly gets by in life. Does nothing to stand out.
So, how did I do? 50% correct? 85%? 5% 99%? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
philanthropist
Joined: 14 Nov 2004
Posts: 39
Location: Austria
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 9:59 am Post subject: |
|
|
First of all, I'm sorry, I'm pretty late with my reply!
Secondly, I have to tell you that you kind of overdid it with your psychological explanations. The problem why you didn't get it right is that my friend hasn't got any of these problems. Her parents aren't divorced or anything like that and my friend has an extraordinary vitality. She is a kind of person with whom you can laugh about everything and there is no chance to be bad-tempered in her presence.
Well, here is what I think: You know, in Austria people are allowed to go to pubs and discos at about the age of 15. At this age most teenagers have their first boyfriend/girlfriend. But my friend and I have never really liked it to go to pubs or anything, because it isn't fun here, it didn't make any sense to us to get drunk in a small room where about 90% are smoking. But as this was the main place to meet other people, we kind of missed something. What I'm trying to say is that this 40-year-old man is my friend's first boyfriend and I think she was just afraid that she couldn't get another one, because she's a little bit different. As you probably know, teenagers, especially in school, can be really mean, and only because you don't show up and get drunk in pubs on a Saturday evening you are almost an outsider. Maybe she thought she was the only 18 year-old who had never had a boyfriend before.
To you, all this may sound a bit strange, but girls can be extremely self-conscious sometimes.
What do you think about that now? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Bob S.
Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 10:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| philanthropist wrote: |
I have to tell you that you kind of overdid it with your psychological explanations. The problem why you didn't get it right is that my friend hasn't got any of these problems...
Well, here is what I think: You know, in Austria people are allowed to go to pubs and discos at about the age of 15. At this age most teenagers have their first boyfriend/girlfriend. But my friend and I have never really liked it to go to pubs or anything, because it isn't fun here, it didn't make any sense to us to get drunk in a small room where about 90% are smoking. But as this was the main place to meet other people, we kind of missed something.... As you probably know, teenagers, especially in school, can be really mean, and only because you don't show up and get drunk in pubs on a Saturday evening you are almost an outsider. |
Ah, the party scene is the social scene. Yeah, that happens all over. Nothing new. Ironic how people with nothing better to do with their lives than to sit around getting shnockered should set the standard by which everbody else's social life should be critically judged. Believe it or not, there are many more who feel just like you, who are not part of the big party scene but are still looking for social outlets and a chance to get together with kindred spirits. In the university you'll have a greater chance of bumping into such people who shyly wait for someone with a modicum of organizational skills or leadership charisma to organize alternatives to Saturday drunken pub crawls.
| philanthropist wrote: |
What I'm trying to say is that this 40-year-old man is my friend's first boyfriend and I think she was just afraid that she couldn't get another one, because she's a little bit different. Maybe she thought she was the only 18 year-old who had never had a boyfriend before.
To you, all this may sound a bit strange, but girls can be extremely self-conscious sometimes.
What do you think about that now? |
Hmm, so it comes mostly out of a lack of available selection of decent young men and a good deal of self consciousness. The situation still smells bad. Even if her excuses are related to her lack of experience and perspective that comes with age, you gotta be disgusted by him. Think about it: if he is so unable to relate to women even close to his own age, what else in life is he unable to maturely relate to? That unknown factor makes him a danger to her in the long run, at least emotionally if not physically. Whatever happens, I think we both know it's going to end badly. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
