Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Blossom]

I heard a new phrase yesterday in a DVD. This was "anal retentive."

It sounds rude to me. What does it mean? Where would you use it?

[advoca]

I heard it again today on a news discussion program. I cannot be rude. But what does it mean?

[toe]

the term 'anal retentive' is in reference to sigmund freud's idea that there are certain stages of development that all children go through. keep in mind that this theory has to do with the sexual development of human beings. (google sigmund freud to find out more or 'psychoanalysis.')

the anal stage of development, according to freud, takes place from 1.5 to 3 years of age, and .....[i'm cutting and pasting this from 'about.com']

Interaction with the Environment: The major event at this stage is toilet training, a process through which children are taught when, where, and how excretion is deemed appropriate by society. Children at this stage start to notice the pleasure and displeasure associated with bowel movements. Through toilet training, they also discover their own ability to control such movements. Along with it comes the realization that this ability gives them power over their parents. That is, by exercising control over the retention and expulsion of feces, a child can choose to either grant or resist parents' wishes.

ok, so there's that.

now the term 'anal retentive' is used sarcastically to refer to a person who is uptight and cannot relinquish control over details. an anal retentive is someone who is controlling and cannot handle it when people don't act or do things the way that he or she would. also, they are usually high-strung and very detail-oriented. they can't let go of things easily or just 'go with the flow,' so to speak.

hope this helps!
toe
p.s. it is a vulgar term, but people use it fairly liberally in everyday conversation. i wouldn't use it in polite company, however.

[toe]

Here's another bit of information I should have copied and pasted from About.com:

Anal-Retentive Personality: If a child receives excessive pressure and punishment from parents during toilet training, he will experience anxiety over bowl movements and take pleasure in being able to withhold such functions. Individuals who fail to progress past this stage are obsessively clean and orderly, and intolerant of those who aren't. They may also be very careful, stingy, withholding, obstinate, and passive-aggressive.

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[Blossom]

Thanks. Very clear explanation.

But is there not another way to call someone who is particularly fussy? AR seems so rude. As you say, it is not to be used in polite company.

[toe]

Sure! To be polite, you might say instead:

If you use his stapler, make sure to put it back on his desk exactly how you found it; he is so "particular" about his things.

or

When I cook for my aunt, I have to follow her recipe exactly. She is a very "finicky" eater.

Particular, finicky, exacting, fastidious, meticulous...these are all better choices to use in place of AR. (You can use it among friends, though )

^^ toe

[Blossom]

Thanks, TOE

All these sound much better than AR.