Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Blossom]

Is there a perfect marriage?

One of my colleagues lives apart away from his wife and his daughter. His wife and daughter live in another city. In our office, many girls think he is a model as a husband in a family. Although he is away his family, but he takes a call everyday to his wife and his daughter. He works hard and always put his family at the first important station. But I and my husband know the fact. One day, our boss needed an important file which was in his room and he was out of business in another city. At last, our boss asked him to make someone to open his room and bring the file to our office. Our boss is his close friend and knows many things about him. Next day, in the morning a girl brought the file to our office. How did she get into his house? Of course, in our office only a few know this secret. But we all are used to such thing and we still treat him as a perfect husband.

One of my other colleagues who is successful in business. He has an attractive wife who works in one of the most famous foreign Joint Venture companies and has a very high salary. They live in Beijing and have large house and expensive cars. He is not very fond of sex and he seldom had sex with girls when he must company with customers in some amusement places. He always left the girls alone and waited the customers finished having sex. Moreover, he loves his wife deeply and very cares about his wife both in life and in job. How a happy family it is! But we as a few of his colleagues know the facts. He has been dating with a girl from time to time. The girl married with a foreigner. Their relationship has retained several years and never been stopped. Perhaps they will retain the relationship forever. They all have their own life and they all never disturbed other�s life. They are not only close in physical also in mental. We understand this fact that someone you can live with a wife everyday but you cannot tell her everything, Some wives you can tell her everything, but you cannot live comfortably with her. It is a strange relationship but in fact most of us need such a relationship. For example, I have a secret lover now and have a little close such a relationship.

Except the above two, almost every man in our office has had sex with professional girls than their wife. It is not a secret.

My husband is an exception. We have been worked for many years and we are very close friends. He is fond of sex but he does not have many chances to get commercial sexual service. Perhaps it is just because our colleagues all experienced the commercial sex service, so they do hope my husband who can avoid such troubles. Besides, my husband is an engineer and he does not need to company with customers.

From above, you can see that there is no an ideal marriage and there is no an ideal man, perhaps also no an ideal women. What is an ideal marriage and family? There is no answer.

Someone described an ideal life as such: �A happiest man is that he owns a wife who loved him, meanwhile he owns a sweetie whom he loved.� How perfect! In fact, many people would like to own such a chance. They tried to do it, but most failed and hurt each other.

In China, most of men are hungry for sex both in physical and in mental. It is same with Chinese women. When someone meets such troubles, she or he will meet a painful choice. It is really tough choice. So in my opinion, if you are only hungry in physical and you do not only put your love in having sex you are very lucky.

[stellara]

good topic..

hm, i agree with you that an ideal marriage can't be defined. but i think that for each individual there's an ideal marriage, if you're willing to compromise.
i know it sounds naive and boring but i believe that it is most important for a good marriage to be able to trust the partner and be honest with him/her.
if you can talk about everything there shouldn't be any too hard problems. it's not a guarantee that the marriage would last but it's the base.

about sex, hmm.. i'm not married but i still think it would be better if my husband had sex with a hooker he doesn't love than with a lover he may love more than me.

greets
_________________
Don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened!

MOKEY ROCKS!!!

[Blossom]

[stellara]

thanks
although it's even better if he doesn't look after other women at all, of course

greets & have a nice day
_________________
Don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened!

MOKEY ROCKS!!!

[element105]

[Blossom]

I ask for your forgiveness because my English is not good, but when I believe there are two kinds of love I am sure my meaning is clear when I say physical love, but a girl can also be in love with a man for other reasons. Perhaps I should say emotionally? A girl can love a film star without physical love. A girl can fall in love with a cyber friend without physical love. Although she loves the cyber friend she can still have physical love with her husband,

In ancient China men would sometimes take concubines for physical love because the physical love from his wife was not enough. But men often wanted more than physical love and a special type of concubine existed that provided intellectual love as well as physical love. Physical love is not enough.

It is the same with girls. It is possible to have a marriage where the husband provides affection and care and physical love but not enough intellectual love and in this case the wife can get the intellectual love from outside the marriage without having physical love from anyone other then the husband. Not all marriages are so perfect that the wife can talk freely with her husband and explain what she wants from him and explain that physical love is not enough. What I want from a husband is physical stimulation but I also want intellectual stimulation. Am I bad to want this? Am I bad to seek this where I can? Am I bad to be discontented with a sex only marriage? Good marriage should be more than sex. I want something more than *physical sport driven by hormone only*. To say that *love is simply love* is too simple.

[Bob S.]

[Blossom]

Bob S,

You have a curious view of life. You assume most prostitutes are disesed.
I am sure that in your country there are such girls but I am also sure that there are many prostitutes who are not diseased.

And there are many girls in your country who will give sexual favours who are not diseased (Monica Lewinsky for example, and the many gilrs who serviced J F Kennedy.)

I am sure that in China there are diseased prostitutes for the figures of Aids show this, but I know many men who have been with prostitutes who have not contracted anything. Many coprorations provide girls for their big customers and they make sure the girls are not diseased.

You say: A man who has a tasty, healthy, lovingly-prepared meal waiting at home won't want to stop off for greasy junkfood. But while this may be true he may want to stop off for a pleasant meal outside the home. There are other places than those that provide greasy junk food.

[Blossom]

[quote="Bob S."]

[Cathy88]

You are so right Blossom.

Geishas were used in Japan to provide pleasure to men. The best Geishas provided intellectual pleasure as well as physical pleasure.

In China it was the same. The girls known as �Thin Horses of Yangzhou� provided intellectual pleasure as well as physical pleasures for their masters. The merchants of Yangzhou realised that beautiful women with intellectual skill were precious merchandise. They brought young girls and taught them how to play drinking games, to play chess, and to entertain by playing the zither or discussing poetry or calligraphy. The merchants reaped a handsome return by selling them. The rich men were prepared to pay high for a concubine with something more than physical love-making skill.

But the same demand for something more than physical love-making skill exists in females. Some of us want more than physical love.

My husband has four states: every day he works, every day he watches television, every night he sleeps, and every other night or so he demands sex. I have to admit he is good at love-making but there is never time for discussion about current affairs of the world, about new books, about friends and what they are doing, or for playing chess or card games. He is kind and I am sure he loves me, and I love him, but the only thing we do together is to have sex. There is more to life and more to marriage than good sex.

If a wife does not provide enough sex for her husband and he finds it elsewhere nobody seems to be surprised and nobody condemns him. It is her fault for not completely satisfying him in bed. A wife who is not given enough sex is condemned if she seeks it outside the marriage. But nobody seems to think that there is the possibility that there is a marriage where the wife gets all the sex she wants from her husband but does not get satisfaction of her intellectual needs.

[stellara]

hm, i think it's the cultural difference between asia and europe or america again. when we speak of prostitutes or hookers i normally think of easy looking, bad dressed women with really short skirts and tops. it's clear that most of these girls have many diseases, so as aids, hepatitis and so on.

but i think in asia it's completely different. like the geishas in japan there are women who are specified to give sex to other men but are more - sophisticated. they don't have so much diseases.
but cathy, you're right, it's a shame that woman don't have the same rights as men in this aspect. but here it's becoming different, better for us

[element105]

Sorry for my poor english,yet I don't understand what you mean by "physical love",namely husband-wife sexual intercourse.When have sex,I think,people are totally enjoying the sexual pleasure this sport brings to them,which is similar to the pleasure brought by a soccer match.A man may have sexual connection with many women,but the one he truely loves in the universe is only one of them or even is not among them,but that cannot decline his love on her a little.There is a living example,once a friend of mine complained that he found,almost every time he made love with his ex-gf,she could not help herself groan out another man's name when her sexual climax is coming,which made him upset and ultimately led to the breaking up of their relationship,because he believes he was not the one she loved but only a partner of her that to have sex with.Thus,I believe love may exist alone without sex,and vice versa.

[stellara]

wow, what a disaster

i'd say there's sex and there's love. you can have sex without loving the partner or with loving him/her or not have sex and love somebody.

physical sex for me is like you said, like a sport. mental sex is difficult to describe.. hm, you know what it's like when you're having sex but you're mentally not really present? that's without a mental connection. if you're not only physically attracted but also mentally the sex is much better. it's no longer like having a sports training, but like - sex

greets
_________________
Don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened!

MOKEY ROCKS!!!

[element105]

[element105]

stellara,I cant see the difference between mental sex and love,or maybe they are the same one?I do know it's much better or a happy ending,if the one you have sex with just is the one you fall in love with.