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RedRose

Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 2735 Location: GuangZhou, China
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 7:21 am Post subject: Should parents strike children? |
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Parenting is hard. and as you guys know, every parent wants their children to have a great fature and life. but parenting is different among people.
Some parents beat kids when the kids make some mistakes, and they think that would be a good for kids. but some parents think it would be terrible for parents to strike their kids. so they never strike kids.
What kind of parent might you be or will you be? the strict one or the one who regards kids as adults and never strike them? |
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RedRose

Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 2735 Location: GuangZhou, China
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Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 4:45 am Post subject: |
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No, not all parents wanna show their powers to kids by striking them. In China, many parents strike kids when kids make mistakes, mostly because those parents wanna their kids to be excellent and perfect at everything. none is perfect though
My mom used to beat us slibings when we were kids. Every time after she beat us, she was very regretful of her action. but next time, she couldn't help beating us again when she thought we had broken her hope.
At that time I hated her very much, I even doubted her parent-ship. but when I grew up, I could gradually understand her and her intentions, and I don't hate her anymore. I even appreciate her sometimes. Last year, I moved to GuangZhou and worked for a medicine college. Mom came here to take care of my daughter. one night she talked to me:"kid, I am sooo sorry for having beaten you so terribly! you used to be a good girl, just a little naughty. but now I see that every kid has the naughty side. you didn't deserve that punishment!" mom even cried when she said that. I told her:"no! don't feel sorry for that! you used to want the best for every kid! it's just a matter of method, not purpose." |
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RedRose

Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 2735 Location: GuangZhou, China
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Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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My little brother used to be beaten badly by my mom. but he also attended University FuDan in ShangHai with a high entrance score when he was 17 years old. although he used to be very naughty, for example he liked various beauties . but that was not due to being beaten. now he is a good husband for his wife, and a good dad for his son. in this case, maybe beating is good for some kids. |
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advoca
Joined: 09 Oct 2003 Posts: 422 Location: Beijing
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 5:12 pm Post subject: Beatings |
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It is a fact that many parents beat their children. Personally, I feel that this need not be a bad thing, because it is difficut to find an alternative means of punishing them when they behave badly.
However, beating a child for making mistakes can never be justified. But I believe that a beating for offences such as stealing, dishonesty, disobedience is justified, always providing the beating is done with love (not hatred), and always provided that the reason for the beating is explained.
As adults when we break the law we are punished. When children break home rules or school rules they should be punished too, and all the alternatives to a short beating are, in my opinion, worse than a simple beating. When I was in school my punishments were either a beating, or wrtiting many pages, doing extra homework or schoolwork, or physical exercises such as running around the paying field. I hated them all but I hated the beating the least. It was quickly over. Punishment for a few minutes. Writing, extra homework or schoolwork took a long time -- punishment for hours. Running around the playing field was agony.
I was beaten a lot when I was young, but with wisdom and love. I always learned from the beating. I learned that I had done something wrong and I learned not to offend again. |
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Blossom
Joined: 30 May 2005 Posts: 291 Location: Beijing China
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 5:31 pm Post subject: Beatings |
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I was beaten too, but as advcoca says a beating passes very quickly.
I know that my parents only beat me when I was naughty, and never for making mistakes. I have no complaints. I love my parents very much, and I am glad they did not punish me in any other ways.
I was not so lucky in school. One of my teachers would beat us because she was in a bad mood, and the beatings were seldom related to naughtiness. That is the wrong way to use beatings. There are beatings for the wrong reasons and and beatings for the right reasons. It is the job of parents and tachers to be wise eniough to know the difference. |
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RedRose

Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 2735 Location: GuangZhou, China
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 12:52 am Post subject: |
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I thought that making mistake included something like disobedience, fighting with other kids, not finishing homework, suchlike, didn't it? |
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Manuel
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 139 Location: Argentina
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 1:49 pm Post subject: |
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I think that beating is not right,even tough your intentions are good.Ther are other methods for education. |
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advoca
Joined: 09 Oct 2003 Posts: 422 Location: Beijing
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:07 pm Post subject: Beatings |
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If you do something by mistake, you do it accidentally. I cannot agree that a child should be beaten for doing something by accident.
You cannot steal by accident. You cannot disobey by accident. You cannot forget to do your homework by accident. Therefore it is appropriate to be beaten for such offences (in my opinion). These are not mistakes. But it is not appropriate to beat a child when that child does something by accident.
If a child drops something and breaks it, is this an accident or not? If it is an accident there should be no punishment. If a child is careless and has been taught how to be careful and yet still breaks something then a beating is justified. If a child thows a ball at a window and breaks it it is a deliberate careless act and not an accident. A beating would be justified.
But I cannot agree that a child should be beaten for doing something by accident. |
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advoca
Joined: 09 Oct 2003 Posts: 422 Location: Beijing
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:11 pm Post subject: Re: Beatings |
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Blossom wrote: |
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There are beatings for the wrong reasons and and beatings for the right reasons. It is the job of parents and tachers to be wise eniough to know the difference. |
I very much agree with Blossom on this point |
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Manuel
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 139 Location: Argentina
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Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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Beating is not justifyed in any case. how can we ask for the world peace if we�re beating our children?
And Hitler�s mother was cruel too. Did you know Hitler was a frustrated artist in his begginings? |
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RedRose

Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 2735 Location: GuangZhou, China
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Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 4:01 am Post subject: Re: Beatings |
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advoca wrote: |
You cannot steal by accident. You cannot disobey by accident. You cannot forget to do your homework by accident. Therefore it is appropriate to be beaten for such offences (in my opinion). These are not mistakes. But it is not appropriate to beat a child when that child does something by accident.
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I got you just now. yeah, I had a misunderstanding about making mistake.
My mom used to beat us siblings for something like not finishing homework, fighting with other kids, being late, etc. I still think my mom was right when she beat us for those reasons.
and yes, my mom seldom beat us for making mistakes by accident.
and another question: what if a step-parent beats kids? I am afraid that the reasult would be the totally different!
I once told my best friend that my mom often beat me, and I playfully said that I wanted a well-tempered mom. she said:"I prefer a mom who always beats me for any reason just like your mom beating you, you see, my mom never beats me, but I am not happy for that. as you know, my mom is step-mom, I wish my real mom hadn't died." at that time I was very sorry for her, and meanwhile, I asked her:"what if your recent mom beats you? maybe that would be terrible. a step-mom isn't supposed to beat her step-children."
With a sad smile, she answered:"that's why I envy you. you have a mom who really cares about you and beats you everyday." |
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Bob S.

Joined: 29 Apr 2004 Posts: 1767 Location: So. Cal
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Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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I think Manuel has a fair point. What is the purpose of punishing a child? Is it to teach that the big and strong have the right to be violent as they wish to the small and weak? When you say "strike" or "beat", just what kind of action are you implying? Did your parents punch you in the stomach with a closed fist? Smack you across the face as hard as they can? That's very different from a mere spanking, a swat on the butt that causes a little brief pain, causes no damage against the fatty tissue, and is very useful for getting a child's attention.
But in general, I think the punishment should fit the crime. Did the child "forget" to do their homework or come home on time for family dinner? Fine. Then that child can "forget" about going outside to play with friends or playing video games until they start "remembering" to do what they are supposed to do. It will certainly give them lots of time to finish their homework.
Sometimes a spanking may be necessary to remind the child who the authority figure is, but a parent should never hit a child in frustration or anger. That teaches the wrong lesson. |
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RedRose

Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 2735 Location: GuangZhou, China
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Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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Bob, to read your msg, I know more about what culture shock means.
In China, many parents beat kids for education. in general, it would be like spanking or swat at butt. in western people's eyes, parents have no rights to beat kids, but in Asian people's eyes, it is parents' duty to supervise kids even by beating them sometimes.
I think it is just a matter of thinking style. |
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Cristi
Joined: 26 Aug 2005 Posts: 223 Location: Costa Rica
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Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 7:36 am Post subject: |
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Being beaten is not the way you learn how to behave well. That'll just cause you to get scared and obey because you have no choise.
I've never been beaten or humillated by my parents and I know perfectly well how I have to behave. Also I know that I can't do whatever I want. First I ask my mum or my dad. My parents have taught me not to lie, not to fight or be rude, to respect other cultures and religions, not to be racist and to study hard. They did punished me, but never beated me...
There's no reason at all why would a child be beaten for making a mistake. We're all humans and we can't be perfect. I mean, my mum's boss doesn't go around beating her employees just because they made a mistake.
It's really sad to know some of you guys were beaten... Here in my country if someone strikes a kid, that person goes directly to jail.
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I think Manuel has a fair point. What is the purpose of punishing a child? Is it to teach that the big and strong have the right to be violent as they wish to the small and weak? When you say "strike" or "beat", just what kind of action are you implying? Did your parents punch you in the stomach with a closed fist? Smack you across the face as hard as they can? That's very different from a mere spanking, a swat on the butt that causes a little brief pain, causes no damage against the fatty tissue, and is very useful for getting a child's attention.
But in general, I think the punishment should fit the crime. Did the child "forget" to do their homework or come home on time for family dinner? Fine. Then that child can "forget" about going outside to play with friends or playing video games until they start "remembering" to do what they are supposed to do. It will certainly give them lots of time to finish their homework. Wink
Sometimes a spanking may be necessary to remind the child who the authority figure is, but a parent should never hit a child in frustration or anger. That teaches the wrong lesson. |
Nobody could have said it better than you Bob!  |
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RedRose

Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 2735 Location: GuangZhou, China
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Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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By reading you guys' suggestions, I make my mind to never beat my daughter anymore! Sometimes(very seldom though) I beat her for her naughty actions, like not finishing homework, lying, playing stuff in class...
Yeah, we can educate our kids in some friendly ways. I guess many parents beat kids just because many parents (like me) lack enough patience.
Although I never hate my mom for the reason that she beat me in my childhood, but now she is very regretful, and she wish she had never beaten us siblings.
In short, I decide to be a friendly mom. beating isn't nice. I agree about you guys' opinions. |
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