Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[zhangzoro]

i was walking in the woods when suddenly i saw something strange on the path ahead. there were millions of ting footprints coming out of the bushes,crossing the path and disappearing into the bushes on the other side. I had some free time so I deceded to follow the footprints.
I have crouched and observe for the few days, but i didn't find anything, I doubt that this animal is living in the nighttime, so I come here after dinner, it's getting dark, I crouch still, two blue lights burst into my eyes, "aim is coming" I think aloud. the blue lights look around. Maybe he find me, he walk towards me, "my God", it look like a person, it like big monkey too. I see, It's wild man who fictioneer often write it.

[Philo Kevetch]

Hello zhangzoro - What a great post! It really made my day to read your story. Please continue to write your stories and post them here. I'll be looking for them. Thanks.....Philo :)

[advoca]

Hi Zhangzoro,

I am wondering why you submitted this story because it is a forum for learning English. However, if you submitted it to ask for comments and corrections so you may improve your command of English then may I, as a teacher, say something.

It was an interesting effort and I commend you. However there were points that need to be brought to your attention

First, you must get out of the habit of using lower case i instead of capital I. It is non-conventional, and I am sure you want to learn conventional English. And you should always start a sentence with a capital letter.

Second, you must watch your typing, and make sure you have the correct spacing. You slipped up when typing bushes,crossing, and nighttime. (It should be night time) and you used commas instead of stops several times.

Third, you must be careful about spelling (ting - tiny, deceeded - decided, and fictioneer for example.)

There were several slips in your grammar. (i have crouched should be I crouched, for example)

There were several sentences that were not clear. i doubt that this animal is living in the nighttime, for example. I am sure that whatever it was it was it was living in the night time as well as the day time.

And I am not clear what you meant by "aim is coming" I think aloud. Furthermore, the blue lights look around does not make sense. Lights cannot look around. And I am unclear what you mean by It's wild man who fictioneer often write it.

There are other points I could comment on, but I think I have said enough. But I do not want you to be discouraged. It was a good effort and an interesting one.

I hope my comments are useful to you.

[bud]

Philo, I'll take a seat in your classroom if there's one available!

[zhangzoro]

I am from China, My English is poor, but I am studing it. I am glad to see your replay. your advice is helpful to me, thanks you for your help. Would you please continue to give it your attention to me.

[Philo Kevetch]

Hello again zhangzoro -

It is good that you are studying and I'm sure many people will be happy to reply.

May I ask a few questions?

1- Is "zoro" a Chinese name? If so, what does it mean? If not, why did you choose it?

2- How and why did you write your story about "millions of tiny footprints"? Was it a school assignment?

I really like the writing style.... it's very free and expressive.

Please read advocas' reply..... there is some good advice for you.....
but, please keep your own writing style! :) Philo

[Helen.Deng]

The story very good ,I wish you keep on writing it ,I believe many of people enjoy it .bye,bye!!" The last word:deceded "means "decided".

[Philo Kevetch]

Hello Helen.Deng - Good job! The more we help each other, the more everyone will improve their English skills. :) Philo