Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Rioxn]

Anyone can help me to revise my composition?
I am not sure about many expressions and adjs used in it. Would you please give me any suggestions? And can you help me to choose more words that are appropriate?THX!

Topic:
�Businesses and other organizations have overemphasized the importance of working as a team. Clearly, in any human group, it is the strong individual, the person with the most commitment and energy, who gets things done.�
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

my essay:
The author's argument brings in the controversial and complex question that is being discussed a lot now: teamwork or individual energy and commitment, which one is more important to a company or other types of organizations? The author claims that teamwork has been overemphasized. To the contrary, I believe that it is the author who makes an overemphasis by saying �It is the strong individual, the person with the most commitment and energy, who gets things done.�

The author fails to recognize the correlation between the team and the individuals. Each group consists of a variety of individuals and they perform different tasks corresponding to their unique characteristics and capabilities. The specific job assigned to each person may of dissimilar significance but it does not suggest that those less meaningful ones can be erased from the unity. For example, all parts of an airbus A-380 is manufactured in plants located all over the world, but no plant can be removed in the process of production. Even engine is the cardiac part of an aircraft but the aircraft can never take off or land without undercarriages. Accordingly, even it is the individuals who get things done; the cooperation among the employees is also momentous.

In reality, the role of the teamwork and strong individual talent varies across different industries. Some work emphasizes on creativity and inspiration, both of which mainly generated by outstanding individuals. However, some other company or organizations, like enterprises operating on assembly-line or a crew constructing an edifice, cannot emphasize too much on teamwork, for each step is indispensable to accomplish the project. Furthermore, no single individual, even the most capable and intelligent elite in Microsoft or Google, can never produce the entire software of Windows or a search engine. To handle projects with tremendous complexities, which are commonly seen in modern society, a well-organized team takes more advantages over any strong individual.

Still, the expertise of strong entrepreneur can sometimes be critical to the survival or prosperity of an enterprise. In the hi-tech industries such as nuclear physics and spaceflight, the core technology may only be comprehended by a few scientists. In that case, these individuals are the priceless asset of the organization and worthwhile to enjoy high payments and status.

To sum, we should generally, especially in daily service and production, advocate teamwork rather than individualism. Only in particular circumstances could we put a priority on individual aptitude.