Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[freshair313]

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am preparing an examination. Here is a composition for it. Could you please help me correct it. It is about a cartoon of a climber. Such is blow:


From the above illustration we can see a young man in front of a high mountain with sweat dropping from his forehead . The man is carrying a adventurer�s backpack . Because he is a disable person that his right leg is broken ,he has to climb mountains by his stick .Though the rode before him is long , the mountain before him is high, from the eyes and his appearance,We know he has been bent on heating every difficulties along the path.

The illustration is simple, but its symbolic meaning it conveys is deep and profound . It emphasizes the important role of perseverance in making success in our lives .It goes without saying that , there will be numerous difficulties and handicaps in almost all our undertakings . The question is raised that how can we become successful in the end . The illustration, no doubt, has given the answer , that we can depend on the perseverance to do it.

A good case in point is Hellen Keller, who was born blind and deaf, but she was one of the famous American withers. Her never losing perseverance and hope have been told us what to do facing all kings of setbacks . If you face up with them , I will have every reason to believe that there will be a glorious future before you.

[neverenough]

"disable" - disabled
"by his stick" - with his stick
"rode" - road
"from the eyes" - from his eyes
"has been bent" - is bent
"heating" - beating
"difficulties" - difficulty
" meaning it conveys" - meaning conveys
"in making success" - in achieving success
"is raised that how can we become" - raised is how we can become
"on the perserverance" - on perserverance
"withers" - writers
"have been told us" - has shown us
"what to do facing" - "what to do when facing"
"face up with them" - face up to them

[cyrus78]

Here you go buddy! i did your "composition" in less than 2 mins on my laptop using Word. Basic grammar laws must be maintained: two spaces after period, one space after comma. Dont overuse the comma. Avoid "to be" verbs. Anyway, I know you'll never write the next Great American Novel but it helps to know the basics.


From the above illustration we can see a young man in front of a high mountain with sweat dripping from his forehead. The man is carrying a adventurer�s backpack. Because he is a disabled person that his right leg is broken, he has to climb mountains with his stick. Though the rode before him is long, [and] the mountain before him is high [from the eyes and his appearance.] We know he has been bent on [heating] every difficulty along the path.

The illustration is simple, but its symbolic meaning it conveys is deep and profound. It emphasizes the important role of perseverance in making success in our lives. It goes without saying that there will be numerous difficulties and handicaps in almost all our undertakings. The question is raised that how can we become successful in the end. The illustration, no doubt, has given the answer that we can depend on the perseverance to do it.

A good case in point is Helen Keller, who was born blind and deaf, but she was one of the famous American withers. Her [never losing] perseverance and hope tells us what to do in the face of setbacks. If you face up to them, you will have every reason to believe that there will be a glorious future before you.

[freshair313]

I had thought the composition would not be instructed. But I faulted. Anyhow, thanks a lot for both of you. Let me be through my work.


From the above illustration we can see a young man in front of a high mountain with sweat dropping from his forehead . The man is carrying a adventurer�s backpack . Because he is a disable(disabled) person that his right leg is broken ,he has to climb mountains by(with) his stick .Though the rode(road) before him is long , (and) the mountain before him is high, from the(his) eyes and his appearance,we know he has been(is) bent on heating(beating) every difficulties(difficulty) along the path.

The illustration is simple, but its symbolic meaning it() conveys is deep and profound . It emphasizes the important role of perseverance in making(achieving) success in our lives .It goes without saying that , there will be numerous difficulties and handicaps in almost all our undertakings . The question is raised that how can we become(raised is how we can become) successful in the end . The illustration, no doubt, has given the answer , that we can depend on the() perseverance to do it.

A good case in point is Hellen Keller, who was born blind and deaf, but she was one of the famous American withers(writers). Her never losing perseverance and hope have been told(has shown) us what to do (when) facing all kings of setbacks . If you face up with(to) them , I will have every reason to believe that there will be a glorious future before you.


Still, is it right?
"is raised that how can we become"-"is raised how can we become"